F
flutterbee
Guest
I'm going for a two-fer in this post! :its_all_good:
First, difficult child has been doing wonderfully. I'm so proud of her. She has started herself back on medications. She had two impulse control incidents in 3 weeks and while they weren't terrible or anything, she was really beating herself up about it. We talked about why it was happening and she explained that when she gets really worried about things she just does things without thinking. I told her I understood because I had been there myself...explained how when I was so depressed shopping was my impulse control thing. I didn't just shop a little. I shopped a lot. Cleaned out my closet a couple years later and found clothes with tags on them that I don't remember buying. Then explained that the medication will help keep her anxiety at a manageable level and will give her more control over these impulsive things. That was it. No WWIII over medications. She decided that she did need help with that and has been taking her medication. And OMG what a difference. She's soooo much calmer. I'm still not convinced that aliens didn't take over her body while she was sleeping one night. :rofl:
I was worried about Thanksgiving with my mom because she and difficult child have not been getting along, but difficult child was a total easy child. It was easy child that was a complete difficult child...but I'll get to that. In addition, difficult child has done most of the packing for our move. Part of it is that it helps alleviate anxiety (yay! difficult child for recognizing that) and part of it is that I'm not able to do as much right now and she is stepping up to the plate. I've seeing more maturity in difficult child in the last 2 weeks then I've seen in the last 2 years. It makes a mother's heart so proud.
Now onto easy child. I call him easy child because he's neurotypical, but he's by no means a easy child. I'm so frustrated with him most days lately that I could just scream. I did one night. The night before we had Thanksgiving with my mom (a week ago Saturday), he was horrible. I was awakened by difficult child because easy child wouldn't turn down his tv and it was keeping her awake. It's never a good idea to wake mom because two too old for this kids are fighting. I told easy child to turn down his tv and he proceeded to argue with me about it and would not give an inch. I finally told him to send his friends home and that he was grounded. He then said to me, "You're week is going to s-uck." He said that several times and told difficult child that she was getting what she wanted...that she didn't care about the volume she just wanted his friends sent home. Sooo not the case. Anyway, after his comment about how my week was going to be, I told him not to ask me for anything. To which he replied, "What do you do for me anyway?" I told him to get out of my sight.
I calm down and head back to bed about 15 minutes later. I'm not in bed 2 minutes and easy child flips on the hall light, walks into my room and proceeds to argue some more. He said that if someone is going to be unreasonable, he's going to let them know and that's who he is and he's not changing. I told him, first good luck holding a job. And second, I wasn't being unreasonable; he was. He knows his sister cannot tune things out...part of the sensory thing. Oh..well he forgot or didn't know or whatever. I told him that I was in bed because I was going to sleep and to leave my room. No response. So, again I said to get out of my room. This time he replied, "No." At that point I lost it and screamed - not yelled - "GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!" The kind of screaming that makes your throat sore. I was furious with him. He ended up not going to Thanksgiving dinner with us - his choice. If I were a good mom, I would have missed him being there, but I didn't. I was so furious with him and we had such a nice time without that tension.
His latest thing (as in earlier tonight) is that he's moving to his dad's. You know...the place where everytime he goes he's miserable and comes home and complains how they don't accept him for who he is, always make him out to be a troublemaker, don't pay him any attention...blah, blah, blah. When he was younger he always came home and ended up sleeping in my room either in the chair or in a sleeping bag on the floor for a couple weeks. But now it's a wonderful place where he can go to escape the nightmare of living in this house with a sick mom and a not spotlessly clean house. It's manipulation pure and simple.
I don't think he expected my reaction tonight. He starts it with why would we care, we just hate him anyway. Drama, drama, drama. I did reassure him and told him why I don't want him to go and why I don't think he'll be happy (see above). But I told him that some people needed to learn these things the hard way and he might just be one of those people. Then I told him that if he was going to go then he needed to decide by Thursday. I told him that his timing s-ucked and he needed to think fast because the only reason we were staying in this small town was for his benefit. difficult child and I have no ties to this town. We would have a lot more options elsewhere. I also explained that Nana and Granddad are going to be supporting us, but that if he's not going to be here we don't need to get a 3 bedroom and can save money - plus have more options as 3 bedrooms are less readily available. Or possibly, difficult child and I would move in with Nana and Granddad until I get back on my feet...something we can't do if he's here.
He just looked stunned. He wasn't expecting that at all. Then difficult child told him that she didn't want him to leave. And easy child told her he thought she was lying. I could have disowned him right there and then. It was completely unprompted from difficult child and he crushed her. He did try to go make it right, but too little too late.
At this point I think he should go to his dad's just so he can see how good he really has it.
I know he's stressing about having to move, but he really needs to get over it. We are moving 5. minutes. away. Same school, same friends (some who live within walking distance...as in across the street). You would think we were moving across the country. I'm having a hard time finding a lot of sympathy for him. I have taken everything into consideration as it pertains to his needs and wants. He's very much a homebody so I know leaving our house is hard. I also know it's stressful having a sick mom. But enough is enough is enough. He has a good life full of people who love him and want only the best for him and he doesn't want for anything.
First, difficult child has been doing wonderfully. I'm so proud of her. She has started herself back on medications. She had two impulse control incidents in 3 weeks and while they weren't terrible or anything, she was really beating herself up about it. We talked about why it was happening and she explained that when she gets really worried about things she just does things without thinking. I told her I understood because I had been there myself...explained how when I was so depressed shopping was my impulse control thing. I didn't just shop a little. I shopped a lot. Cleaned out my closet a couple years later and found clothes with tags on them that I don't remember buying. Then explained that the medication will help keep her anxiety at a manageable level and will give her more control over these impulsive things. That was it. No WWIII over medications. She decided that she did need help with that and has been taking her medication. And OMG what a difference. She's soooo much calmer. I'm still not convinced that aliens didn't take over her body while she was sleeping one night. :rofl:
I was worried about Thanksgiving with my mom because she and difficult child have not been getting along, but difficult child was a total easy child. It was easy child that was a complete difficult child...but I'll get to that. In addition, difficult child has done most of the packing for our move. Part of it is that it helps alleviate anxiety (yay! difficult child for recognizing that) and part of it is that I'm not able to do as much right now and she is stepping up to the plate. I've seeing more maturity in difficult child in the last 2 weeks then I've seen in the last 2 years. It makes a mother's heart so proud.
Now onto easy child. I call him easy child because he's neurotypical, but he's by no means a easy child. I'm so frustrated with him most days lately that I could just scream. I did one night. The night before we had Thanksgiving with my mom (a week ago Saturday), he was horrible. I was awakened by difficult child because easy child wouldn't turn down his tv and it was keeping her awake. It's never a good idea to wake mom because two too old for this kids are fighting. I told easy child to turn down his tv and he proceeded to argue with me about it and would not give an inch. I finally told him to send his friends home and that he was grounded. He then said to me, "You're week is going to s-uck." He said that several times and told difficult child that she was getting what she wanted...that she didn't care about the volume she just wanted his friends sent home. Sooo not the case. Anyway, after his comment about how my week was going to be, I told him not to ask me for anything. To which he replied, "What do you do for me anyway?" I told him to get out of my sight.
I calm down and head back to bed about 15 minutes later. I'm not in bed 2 minutes and easy child flips on the hall light, walks into my room and proceeds to argue some more. He said that if someone is going to be unreasonable, he's going to let them know and that's who he is and he's not changing. I told him, first good luck holding a job. And second, I wasn't being unreasonable; he was. He knows his sister cannot tune things out...part of the sensory thing. Oh..well he forgot or didn't know or whatever. I told him that I was in bed because I was going to sleep and to leave my room. No response. So, again I said to get out of my room. This time he replied, "No." At that point I lost it and screamed - not yelled - "GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!" The kind of screaming that makes your throat sore. I was furious with him. He ended up not going to Thanksgiving dinner with us - his choice. If I were a good mom, I would have missed him being there, but I didn't. I was so furious with him and we had such a nice time without that tension.
His latest thing (as in earlier tonight) is that he's moving to his dad's. You know...the place where everytime he goes he's miserable and comes home and complains how they don't accept him for who he is, always make him out to be a troublemaker, don't pay him any attention...blah, blah, blah. When he was younger he always came home and ended up sleeping in my room either in the chair or in a sleeping bag on the floor for a couple weeks. But now it's a wonderful place where he can go to escape the nightmare of living in this house with a sick mom and a not spotlessly clean house. It's manipulation pure and simple.
I don't think he expected my reaction tonight. He starts it with why would we care, we just hate him anyway. Drama, drama, drama. I did reassure him and told him why I don't want him to go and why I don't think he'll be happy (see above). But I told him that some people needed to learn these things the hard way and he might just be one of those people. Then I told him that if he was going to go then he needed to decide by Thursday. I told him that his timing s-ucked and he needed to think fast because the only reason we were staying in this small town was for his benefit. difficult child and I have no ties to this town. We would have a lot more options elsewhere. I also explained that Nana and Granddad are going to be supporting us, but that if he's not going to be here we don't need to get a 3 bedroom and can save money - plus have more options as 3 bedrooms are less readily available. Or possibly, difficult child and I would move in with Nana and Granddad until I get back on my feet...something we can't do if he's here.
He just looked stunned. He wasn't expecting that at all. Then difficult child told him that she didn't want him to leave. And easy child told her he thought she was lying. I could have disowned him right there and then. It was completely unprompted from difficult child and he crushed her. He did try to go make it right, but too little too late.
At this point I think he should go to his dad's just so he can see how good he really has it.
I know he's stressing about having to move, but he really needs to get over it. We are moving 5. minutes. away. Same school, same friends (some who live within walking distance...as in across the street). You would think we were moving across the country. I'm having a hard time finding a lot of sympathy for him. I have taken everything into consideration as it pertains to his needs and wants. He's very much a homebody so I know leaving our house is hard. I also know it's stressful having a sick mom. But enough is enough is enough. He has a good life full of people who love him and want only the best for him and he doesn't want for anything.