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A chilling conversation with-Matt
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 430345" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Hi Steely, </p><p> </p><p>Wow this is an awful lot to take in; and it certainly never seems like we ever get a chance to deal with our own grief. Then here we are trying to figure out what is the best thing to do for our kids who are hurting so badly. I think what the others have pointed out to you is pretty obvious. He's scared. Mortality makes us all think about our own lives and just how alone we all really can be in this world. Not a very pleasant thought if we have a bunch of family and friends around us at any given time. Even more grim for someone like your Matt and my Dude who literally can count on one hand now how many family they have to be there for them by the time they are 30. This used to worry Dude when he was little to the point that he couldn't sleep. It's actually why I gave up smoking. He worried himself sick. </p><p> </p><p>Then I see a Mom writing about doctors and psychiatric hospitals, and how they have failed her son. I'm literally rolling my eyes here because I wish I had a nickle for every time I felt that way about it. However Witz and Nomad have said almost verbatim what I would have said if I had gotten here first. YOU, ME, anyone else that comes to this board and starts talking about suicide? I think our standard answer has to be - Get them to the ER - PERIOD. Why? Two reasons - 1.) You can't sit back and say "Well if I take him then he's going to be angry. My thought is - better off angry or dead. and 2.) If he isn't suicidal and he's just saying I'm suicidal? Then it's time that you called the bluff and explained to him and everyone else you know that the words I'm suicidal, I'm going to kill myself aren't taken lightly. They are VERY SERIOUS words and you will USE WHATEVER MEANS it takes to get him the help he needs when those words are used. THEY ARE NOT.....just words. If he'd like to rephrase and use other words? Fine - but those particular words need to be addressed SERIOUSLY and the ONLY WAY the words "I am SUICIDAL" get addressed in my world? Is with a trip via ambulance, 911 medical emergency or voluntary commital. </p><p> </p><p>I think ANY doctor worth a nickle that would talk to him in an ER situation about what he's discussed with you (and by the way - the way you handled the part about him wanting to kill others was really very well handled) and he would tell them - LOOK - I need to smoke pot to calm down? WOULD ALLOW HIM - just wouldn't want to know about it. And what if.......this trip - he would meet the ONE guy - that would put him on a path to wellness? The one person that would look at Matt and go - You know what partner? I have an idea - Im not like those other looser doctors I want to try something. WHAT IF? What if Matt is SO despondent he's ready to try with this ONE GUY? </p><p> </p><p>Sitting in his apartment? Gets him what? I'm guessing nowhere, nothing. And it isn't what he needs. He's a smart young man, he's getting that YOU arent' going to fix him.....YOU can't help him? Sure you can - you can support him, you can be there for him - to talk to, and laugh with and joke with, share with. You can also say - "I think the best thing right now since you are out of control and can't help yourself is........" and stop being so adverse to the things that are there because of suicidal talk (ER, psychiatric hospital and doctors) - </p><p> </p><p>He can't do this alone. I don't think there should be any bad feelings in getting him the people that he needs to help himself when he's this far gone, and can't help himself. </p><p> </p><p>HUGE HUGE HUGS.....</p><p>Hugs & Love</p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 430345, member: 4964"] Hi Steely, Wow this is an awful lot to take in; and it certainly never seems like we ever get a chance to deal with our own grief. Then here we are trying to figure out what is the best thing to do for our kids who are hurting so badly. I think what the others have pointed out to you is pretty obvious. He's scared. Mortality makes us all think about our own lives and just how alone we all really can be in this world. Not a very pleasant thought if we have a bunch of family and friends around us at any given time. Even more grim for someone like your Matt and my Dude who literally can count on one hand now how many family they have to be there for them by the time they are 30. This used to worry Dude when he was little to the point that he couldn't sleep. It's actually why I gave up smoking. He worried himself sick. Then I see a Mom writing about doctors and psychiatric hospitals, and how they have failed her son. I'm literally rolling my eyes here because I wish I had a nickle for every time I felt that way about it. However Witz and Nomad have said almost verbatim what I would have said if I had gotten here first. YOU, ME, anyone else that comes to this board and starts talking about suicide? I think our standard answer has to be - Get them to the ER - PERIOD. Why? Two reasons - 1.) You can't sit back and say "Well if I take him then he's going to be angry. My thought is - better off angry or dead. and 2.) If he isn't suicidal and he's just saying I'm suicidal? Then it's time that you called the bluff and explained to him and everyone else you know that the words I'm suicidal, I'm going to kill myself aren't taken lightly. They are VERY SERIOUS words and you will USE WHATEVER MEANS it takes to get him the help he needs when those words are used. THEY ARE NOT.....just words. If he'd like to rephrase and use other words? Fine - but those particular words need to be addressed SERIOUSLY and the ONLY WAY the words "I am SUICIDAL" get addressed in my world? Is with a trip via ambulance, 911 medical emergency or voluntary commital. I think ANY doctor worth a nickle that would talk to him in an ER situation about what he's discussed with you (and by the way - the way you handled the part about him wanting to kill others was really very well handled) and he would tell them - LOOK - I need to smoke pot to calm down? WOULD ALLOW HIM - just wouldn't want to know about it. And what if.......this trip - he would meet the ONE guy - that would put him on a path to wellness? The one person that would look at Matt and go - You know what partner? I have an idea - Im not like those other looser doctors I want to try something. WHAT IF? What if Matt is SO despondent he's ready to try with this ONE GUY? Sitting in his apartment? Gets him what? I'm guessing nowhere, nothing. And it isn't what he needs. He's a smart young man, he's getting that YOU arent' going to fix him.....YOU can't help him? Sure you can - you can support him, you can be there for him - to talk to, and laugh with and joke with, share with. You can also say - "I think the best thing right now since you are out of control and can't help yourself is........" and stop being so adverse to the things that are there because of suicidal talk (ER, psychiatric hospital and doctors) - He can't do this alone. I don't think there should be any bad feelings in getting him the people that he needs to help himself when he's this far gone, and can't help himself. HUGE HUGE HUGS..... Hugs & Love Star [/QUOTE]
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