trinityroyal
Well-Known Member
Hello everyone,
I haven't been around much lately, and I feel as though I've been neglecting old and dear friends. I know that, of anyone, this group -- this place -- will understand.
Anyway, I've had a bit of time today to read and catch up on everyone's news. After reading so many poignant stories of struggles with detachment, I just thought I'd weigh in with the following thoughts. I hope they help, but please feel free to cherry-pick, or ignore completely. Whatever works best under your particular circumstances.
I am a near-miss difficult child. Aspie, undiagnosed until adulthood, with moods so volatile they could probably qualify as bi-polar II if I were going through the teenage years nowadays. Anorexia, bulimia, heavy drinking. Cutting. Ditching school, roaming the streets of the big city where I grew up and still live now. I can be manipulative, incredibly manipulative.
I could have gone far, far off the rails, and become any one of your children -- with the struggles they're dealing with, and the fallout you are all dealing with.
Many factors diverted me from that path, but the biggest of them was: Neglectful Parents. I was an accident, a second child who came along a mere 12-months after the long awaited, long hoped for boy. A girl, no less. A shadow figure. There were times when I was out all night, other times when I was gone for days -- my parents never noticed I was gone. Times when I was in terrible trouble, when I knew that I couldn't breathe a word to my parents, let alone ask them for help.
What it all taught me was: I'd better smarten up and become human in a hurry, if I wanted to go on to live the wonderful life I'd always dreamed of.
No one was going to bail me out.
No one was going to come rescue me.
No one even knew that I was gone.
I learned to take responsibility for myself when I knew that no one else was going to do it for me.
I know that your situations are different than mine was. You all love your children with all your heart -- that's loud and clear from your posts. I think the detachment is also a sign of that love, that you love them enough to let them fly, or fall, on their own terms.
I cleaned up my act, and now have a wonderful life to show for it. I don't know what's in store for your difficult children, but detaching from them can only help them to find it.
Many gentle hugs to all of you,
Trinity
I haven't been around much lately, and I feel as though I've been neglecting old and dear friends. I know that, of anyone, this group -- this place -- will understand.
Anyway, I've had a bit of time today to read and catch up on everyone's news. After reading so many poignant stories of struggles with detachment, I just thought I'd weigh in with the following thoughts. I hope they help, but please feel free to cherry-pick, or ignore completely. Whatever works best under your particular circumstances.
I am a near-miss difficult child. Aspie, undiagnosed until adulthood, with moods so volatile they could probably qualify as bi-polar II if I were going through the teenage years nowadays. Anorexia, bulimia, heavy drinking. Cutting. Ditching school, roaming the streets of the big city where I grew up and still live now. I can be manipulative, incredibly manipulative.
I could have gone far, far off the rails, and become any one of your children -- with the struggles they're dealing with, and the fallout you are all dealing with.
Many factors diverted me from that path, but the biggest of them was: Neglectful Parents. I was an accident, a second child who came along a mere 12-months after the long awaited, long hoped for boy. A girl, no less. A shadow figure. There were times when I was out all night, other times when I was gone for days -- my parents never noticed I was gone. Times when I was in terrible trouble, when I knew that I couldn't breathe a word to my parents, let alone ask them for help.
What it all taught me was: I'd better smarten up and become human in a hurry, if I wanted to go on to live the wonderful life I'd always dreamed of.
No one was going to bail me out.
No one was going to come rescue me.
No one even knew that I was gone.
I learned to take responsibility for myself when I knew that no one else was going to do it for me.
I know that your situations are different than mine was. You all love your children with all your heart -- that's loud and clear from your posts. I think the detachment is also a sign of that love, that you love them enough to let them fly, or fall, on their own terms.
I cleaned up my act, and now have a wonderful life to show for it. I don't know what's in store for your difficult children, but detaching from them can only help them to find it.
Many gentle hugs to all of you,
Trinity