Hi all. I am having a little personal issue I need some help with, thought this might be a good place. Ever since my dad passed away unexpectedly, my mother in law has really bothered me. Not just the usual annoyed, I mean, dug under my skin, made it crawl, seething bothered me. Heres the deal. Theres a lot more to this, was a lot of building up to this, but this is where it really started to get me. I was at the Amish getting horses shod when my mom called. My cell phone service was bad, so all I heard was dads dead on the couch. I called husband and he started getting ready to leave and called his parents to come down to do chores. They were there when I got home and got in their car and left without saying a word. Im not from here. My parents live a few hours away. The they never got together except birthday parties at my house, etc, my in-laws drove up to my hometown for the services. They showed up at my folks house just before the preacher was to arrive to meet with the family on Friday to prepare for the service. They stayed at the house thru the meeting. We had viewed the body at this point one time, and visitation was to be that evening for 2 hours. We all felt we needed to go early to get it together in time to meet people. We left for visitation 2 hours early. She went, too. The visitation was to be 2 hours long. It lasted over 4. She stayed thru the whole thing, then drove BACK to my folks house (30 miles) at 11pm to eat pizza with us, then BACK to the town the funeral home was in to stay at the hotel. The family was to be at the funeral home 2 hours before the service the next day. Guess who was there? She stayed thru the funeral, ate dinner after. We invited folks to socialize and visit at my folks house after, and they left to come home. Now, this in itself isnt all bad except she never spoke to anyone, including me! Not a soul. She sat off, by herself, just there, taking it all in. When I got home, I had cards from all her friends, but no one had told any of mine they all just wondered where I disappeared to and figured someone would have called if it was something major! This ate at me for a month. Why did this womans behavior bother me so bad. Outwardly, it seemed like a nice gesture to be there, but it didnt feel at all like that to me. And later, I learned my kids had the same feeling. It felt nosey, invasive, etc. Not kind. After things calmed down, I was still bothered by something that I couldnt put a finger on. I sat up in bed one night and it hit me. The weekend before dad died, we had hauled cattle for them (they dont have a trailer, they have to use mine). Their grandson has been caught stealing from their shop, so they were talking about re-keying the shop, except their daughter will not keep a key from the grandson. However, husband and their daughter are the only 2 allowed to have keys. I was standing right there, and I was explicitly pointed to NOT have a key (dont have one of the old keys, either). And as we worked thru dads estate, mom was willing to leave the farm (large and worth considerable money) to our spouses in case something happened to us, and trusted the spouses to hand it down to our kids. My mother is willing to leave our family farm to my husband, but I am not even family enuf to his family to have a key to their barn. Thats whats been eating me. It felt better to have it named, so to speak, but now everything my mother in law does is like just another supporting piece of evidence. Shes not going to change. Shes self-centered and insecure and tries to buy her children and grandchildrens love. She calls 15 times a day for bogus reasons, I really think just to be sure to know whats going on. If she cant reach one of us on our cell phones instantly, shell call everyone you know trying to find you. But God forbid you interrupt her. I am not easy child 2s mom, nor do I try to be, but I handle the same things in our house when we have her as I do and have for the other kids, which includes dr appointments and daycare/after school care, just how husband and I have chose to operate, and it works until she gets involved. I had summer care set up to keep easy child 2 involved and active (shes getting extremely overweight) and mother in law threw a fit, so now easy child is staying with mother in law all summer (by the way, mother in law is extremely overweight, as well, and cant walk more than 8 minutes at a time before shes too tired to go on). easy child 2 stays at her other grandmas the rest of the year, and is not allowed to be involved in any extra curricular activites (trying to change this, mom wont let her so far, tho.) There is just so much more to this that I can't spend all day typing. I've been with husband 6 years. My birthday has been acknowledged 1 time, tho everyone else gets taken out for dinner for theirs AND a gift. She buys easy child 2 things all the time, and lets her be selfish with it when difficult child 2 is around (we're talking easy child will not want difficult child to touch a mcdonalds toy she got 8 months ago and left lying on the floor of the car for that entire time, and this woman will back her up on it). She points out that difficult child 1 is really not my child. When he didn't want to invite the bio's to his graduation, she stepping in and took care of that for him. Stuff like that. My question to you guys How do I let this go? I plan to talk to mother in law, but I dont expect it to change anything, but I have GOT to move past it. Shes not fair to my kids, shes not fair to me, and we are outsiders to her, and its not going to change. Ive got to accept it, and I realize that, but I dont know how. And if its me and my problem, please tell me that, too. Anyone?