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A "Puzzle"....Hmmmm
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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 489877" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>Well, like most problems or issues, there are different trains of thought and different opinions. I'll share what I learned about this in hopes that those who might have other opinions will understand that this is only the theory I was taught, but I do happen to believe.</p><p></p><p>What you have described is a dysfunctional family. A dysfunctional family not only effects every member, it basicly "assigns" a role to each member of the family at such an early age that the child has no control over it. This is how it spreads from generation to generation. Every dysfunctional family has to have a "problem" child, a "good" child, a victim, a martyr, etc. This is how the family survives. Growing up and having kids of ones own, albeit determined not to pass on suffering from this, is not enough to break that cycle. Therefore, the kids will not be identical to that adult child parent because each person in that new family will start to take on these various roles. It isn't intentional, it's a learned family pattern. IOW, an adult child who was a martyr might have a child who is in a "victim" role all their life. An adult child who had been the "bad" child might very well have a easy child.</p><p></p><p>That's the brief version of this theory and obviously, only one theory. I do think this is what the juvie system tries to deal with although I think they only get a 1 hour session on it and think ordering people to change will do the trick. It won't. And most people really do have some form of dysfunction in their family so most people you deal with in life- at work, neighbors, sd, etc- are dealing with their own "roles" in life, too.</p><p></p><p>in my humble opinion, each of us just has to do the best we can to break this cycle and try not to label others or ourselves and try to establish and keep healthy expectations and boundaries in our families. It's a lot easier said than done.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 489877, member: 3699"] Well, like most problems or issues, there are different trains of thought and different opinions. I'll share what I learned about this in hopes that those who might have other opinions will understand that this is only the theory I was taught, but I do happen to believe. What you have described is a dysfunctional family. A dysfunctional family not only effects every member, it basicly "assigns" a role to each member of the family at such an early age that the child has no control over it. This is how it spreads from generation to generation. Every dysfunctional family has to have a "problem" child, a "good" child, a victim, a martyr, etc. This is how the family survives. Growing up and having kids of ones own, albeit determined not to pass on suffering from this, is not enough to break that cycle. Therefore, the kids will not be identical to that adult child parent because each person in that new family will start to take on these various roles. It isn't intentional, it's a learned family pattern. IOW, an adult child who was a martyr might have a child who is in a "victim" role all their life. An adult child who had been the "bad" child might very well have a easy child. That's the brief version of this theory and obviously, only one theory. I do think this is what the juvie system tries to deal with although I think they only get a 1 hour session on it and think ordering people to change will do the trick. It won't. And most people really do have some form of dysfunction in their family so most people you deal with in life- at work, neighbors, sd, etc- are dealing with their own "roles" in life, too. in my humble opinion, each of us just has to do the best we can to break this cycle and try not to label others or ourselves and try to establish and keep healthy expectations and boundaries in our families. It's a lot easier said than done. [/QUOTE]
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