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Parent Emeritus
A stab of guilt, I could use some support...........
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<blockquote data-quote="welcometowitsend" data-source="post: 574243" data-attributes="member: 14356"><p>RE - You are such a strong, smart woman. I and so many others here benefit from your experience and wisdom every week. So my hugs and prayers for you and for your daughter today. </p><p></p><p>Please know that there is nothing wrong with enjoying your life. You have a right to take care of yourself and be kind to yourself. You deserve that. You are spending money that you and SO have worked hard to earn, save and invest. difficult child does not have a right to this money just because she is your daughter. That is her sense of entitlement and you don't have to take that on. </p><p></p><p>My sisters therapist says "Just because someone is throwing 'sh## doesn't mean you have to pick it up." For lack of a better analogy your daughter is slinging it at you and hoping that you'll pick it up and do something for her. It's hers. You can notice that she threw it but you can let it fall to the floor and just say "Oh yes, I see that." Essentially what you have done is offer to get her some paper towel and cleaner so she can clean up her mess. You have offered her a solution in getting herself some help - now she has to accept this offer or leave the mess as it is. </p><p></p><p>You don't have to pick it up - you can walk away and go out for dinner with your SO. There is NOTHING wrong with that. This is something that is hard for us as mothers to accept - that we can come first in our own lives and that is not selfish and does not make us bad mothers. It makes us stronger, happier, better people and therefore makes us better mothers. </p><p></p><p>Big hugs to you. This is a hard thing to do.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="welcometowitsend, post: 574243, member: 14356"] RE - You are such a strong, smart woman. I and so many others here benefit from your experience and wisdom every week. So my hugs and prayers for you and for your daughter today. Please know that there is nothing wrong with enjoying your life. You have a right to take care of yourself and be kind to yourself. You deserve that. You are spending money that you and SO have worked hard to earn, save and invest. difficult child does not have a right to this money just because she is your daughter. That is her sense of entitlement and you don't have to take that on. My sisters therapist says "Just because someone is throwing 'sh## doesn't mean you have to pick it up." For lack of a better analogy your daughter is slinging it at you and hoping that you'll pick it up and do something for her. It's hers. You can notice that she threw it but you can let it fall to the floor and just say "Oh yes, I see that." Essentially what you have done is offer to get her some paper towel and cleaner so she can clean up her mess. You have offered her a solution in getting herself some help - now she has to accept this offer or leave the mess as it is. You don't have to pick it up - you can walk away and go out for dinner with your SO. There is NOTHING wrong with that. This is something that is hard for us as mothers to accept - that we can come first in our own lives and that is not selfish and does not make us bad mothers. It makes us stronger, happier, better people and therefore makes us better mothers. Big hugs to you. This is a hard thing to do. [/QUOTE]
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A stab of guilt, I could use some support...........
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