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A stab of guilt, I could use some support...........
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 574513" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Thank you all so much. That pang of guilt has been deleted from my consciousness, you all said all the right things...........</p><p></p><p>Buddy, as always thank you for your warmth and compassion and acknowledgement that I did in fact reach out to SO and to this board, I didn't actually see that clearly until you mentioned it. And, of course, that's how we all get through this, with support and using the tools we have learned.</p><p></p><p>Calamity Jane, thank you. I had to look up what a 'hairshirt' was, and when I did, I burst out laughing. REALLY! I laughed so hard it hurt. The idea of me wearing a hair shirt was so funny to me, it is now my new visual to keep me from feeling that guilt when I am simply living my life. I told my support group about the hairshirt last night and the whole group cracked up laughing.......mainly because we all wear hairshirts so much of the time!! What a gift, thank you so much.</p><p></p><p>WTW, I love the story about throwing the sh*$, it is a wonderful visual too, it also made me laugh about how many times I picked it up!!! Your words were very comforting to me.</p><p></p><p>JJJ, yes, she is 40 years old, Good Lord, you are so right! Thanks for pointing that out, it makes it so obvious which of course, sometimes when we're in the thick of it, we can't see the obvious!</p><p></p><p>Insane- That is such a good point to not compare where I am today with where she is today, what a cause for suffering! Yes, doing more would be destructive, I needed to hear that!</p><p></p><p>Janet, Wow, thanks for sharing what it was like for <u>you</u> with your Dad, that made so much sense to me, I can understand it better. I do need to <em>let her go so she can grow</em> and hopefully, she will grow as you did and have those insights as well.</p><p></p><p>Sheila- thank you for saying I earned the right to refocus priorities, that has been easy for me to forget.</p><p></p><p>FHW- thank you for understanding how natural these feelings are and acknowledging how painful it really is, as well as having empathy for how challenging it is to be 'sandwiched' between the difficult child's who raised us and the difficult child's we raise. Sigh.</p><p></p><p>Rejected- Yes, I am sorry you are a member of the 'absorbing others deficiencies' club, and it's good to pop out of that and make the focus ourselves. Thanks for understanding that, it means a lot.</p><p></p><p>scent of cedar- thank you for your compassionate empathy, it feels good to know you not only get it but are traveling that same road. It is painful, and yet I am getting better and better each day. It sounds as if you are too. Everything you said was absolutely right on. </p><p></p><p>Every one of you has given me a wonderful gift and you helped so much. I was teetering on the precipice, wanting so much to just live my own life and not be saving myself, my money, my time, my energy, my everything, for my difficult child should she fall deeper into the abyss........and you all lovingly nudged me over to the other side, where I can enjoy my own life. Geez, I needed that nudge. Then I went to my support group last night and they nudged me further down the road. I am so happy that I have an army of people supporting me through this, it makes it doable and so much easier. Many grateful hugs to all of you who responded..........</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 574513, member: 13542"] Thank you all so much. That pang of guilt has been deleted from my consciousness, you all said all the right things........... Buddy, as always thank you for your warmth and compassion and acknowledgement that I did in fact reach out to SO and to this board, I didn't actually see that clearly until you mentioned it. And, of course, that's how we all get through this, with support and using the tools we have learned. Calamity Jane, thank you. I had to look up what a 'hairshirt' was, and when I did, I burst out laughing. REALLY! I laughed so hard it hurt. The idea of me wearing a hair shirt was so funny to me, it is now my new visual to keep me from feeling that guilt when I am simply living my life. I told my support group about the hairshirt last night and the whole group cracked up laughing.......mainly because we all wear hairshirts so much of the time!! What a gift, thank you so much. WTW, I love the story about throwing the sh*$, it is a wonderful visual too, it also made me laugh about how many times I picked it up!!! Your words were very comforting to me. JJJ, yes, she is 40 years old, Good Lord, you are so right! Thanks for pointing that out, it makes it so obvious which of course, sometimes when we're in the thick of it, we can't see the obvious! Insane- That is such a good point to not compare where I am today with where she is today, what a cause for suffering! Yes, doing more would be destructive, I needed to hear that! Janet, Wow, thanks for sharing what it was like for [U]you[/U] with your Dad, that made so much sense to me, I can understand it better. I do need to [I]let her go so she can grow[/I] and hopefully, she will grow as you did and have those insights as well. Sheila- thank you for saying I earned the right to refocus priorities, that has been easy for me to forget. FHW- thank you for understanding how natural these feelings are and acknowledging how painful it really is, as well as having empathy for how challenging it is to be 'sandwiched' between the difficult child's who raised us and the difficult child's we raise. Sigh. Rejected- Yes, I am sorry you are a member of the 'absorbing others deficiencies' club, and it's good to pop out of that and make the focus ourselves. Thanks for understanding that, it means a lot. scent of cedar- thank you for your compassionate empathy, it feels good to know you not only get it but are traveling that same road. It is painful, and yet I am getting better and better each day. It sounds as if you are too. Everything you said was absolutely right on. Every one of you has given me a wonderful gift and you helped so much. I was teetering on the precipice, wanting so much to just live my own life and not be saving myself, my money, my time, my energy, my everything, for my difficult child should she fall deeper into the abyss........and you all lovingly nudged me over to the other side, where I can enjoy my own life. Geez, I needed that nudge. Then I went to my support group last night and they nudged me further down the road. I am so happy that I have an army of people supporting me through this, it makes it doable and so much easier. Many grateful hugs to all of you who responded.......... [/QUOTE]
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A stab of guilt, I could use some support...........
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