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A thought about detaching....
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<blockquote data-quote="Mattsmom277" data-source="post: 325837" data-attributes="member: 4264"><p>For me, balancing detachment is a fine line, and one that I walk carefully, with thought. It isn't an automatic, because when I tried that, I had all kinds of buried pain, resentment, anger, rage even. It wasn't working for me.</p><p></p><p>Now, I cope through things with a two step approach. I work to not make something bigger (or smaller) than it is. As in, I don't allow any drama to add to a stress situation. I face it head on, give it the weight it deserves (no more, no less, either can be so damaging for me!). If I have an emotion, I don't bury it. I allow it. If its tears, or a vent or whatever, I do it. Then I move past the emotion and get to work on the stress problem. Then I move on. Sometimes moving on means another good cry, or a good whine session to S/O. But move on I do. I just honestly tell myself, Its over. Move on. You coped. Congratulations! Life throws curveballs and you dealt with another one. I mentally pat myself on the back, and then the next day is a new day and I try to not dwell.</p><p></p><p>I can't bury things. i did that for so long. Acted clinically detached. It led me to a point where I had so much going on under the surface emotionally I was literally suffocating. The other way I coped was letting all my emotions out. But I could get caught up in the anger, or pain, or tears, or whatever. Also not healthy. It isn't condusive to problem solving to drag that all on and on. It isn't helping anything. So I let out what I must to not explode or implode. Then I buck it up buttercup (my term for myself lol) and keep on keeping on. </p><p></p><p>I don't want to live wallowing in buried pain. I don't want to live with so many emotions under stress situations that I incapacitate myself. So this balance works for me. </p><p></p><p>I also lose myself in a good book and that escape is like heroin or something I swear. I forget my world, my stress, i lose myself in a great novel and another world with characters that aren't in my own life. When I put that book down, its like I had a mini vacation from my brain allowing me to dwell on my stuff. I've even cured major stress headaches and anxiety attacks that way.</p><p></p><p>Its so odd, we all have our own ways to get through things, to detach. I wish there was a magic formula for everyone.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mattsmom277, post: 325837, member: 4264"] For me, balancing detachment is a fine line, and one that I walk carefully, with thought. It isn't an automatic, because when I tried that, I had all kinds of buried pain, resentment, anger, rage even. It wasn't working for me. Now, I cope through things with a two step approach. I work to not make something bigger (or smaller) than it is. As in, I don't allow any drama to add to a stress situation. I face it head on, give it the weight it deserves (no more, no less, either can be so damaging for me!). If I have an emotion, I don't bury it. I allow it. If its tears, or a vent or whatever, I do it. Then I move past the emotion and get to work on the stress problem. Then I move on. Sometimes moving on means another good cry, or a good whine session to S/O. But move on I do. I just honestly tell myself, Its over. Move on. You coped. Congratulations! Life throws curveballs and you dealt with another one. I mentally pat myself on the back, and then the next day is a new day and I try to not dwell. I can't bury things. i did that for so long. Acted clinically detached. It led me to a point where I had so much going on under the surface emotionally I was literally suffocating. The other way I coped was letting all my emotions out. But I could get caught up in the anger, or pain, or tears, or whatever. Also not healthy. It isn't condusive to problem solving to drag that all on and on. It isn't helping anything. So I let out what I must to not explode or implode. Then I buck it up buttercup (my term for myself lol) and keep on keeping on. I don't want to live wallowing in buried pain. I don't want to live with so many emotions under stress situations that I incapacitate myself. So this balance works for me. I also lose myself in a good book and that escape is like heroin or something I swear. I forget my world, my stress, i lose myself in a great novel and another world with characters that aren't in my own life. When I put that book down, its like I had a mini vacation from my brain allowing me to dwell on my stuff. I've even cured major stress headaches and anxiety attacks that way. Its so odd, we all have our own ways to get through things, to detach. I wish there was a magic formula for everyone. [/QUOTE]
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