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<blockquote data-quote="Shari" data-source="post: 174842" data-attributes="member: 1848"><p>How do you get him out? You draw a line in the sand, tell him the consequences if he crosses it, and follow thru.</p><p> </p><p>Simple, huh? Yeah, right. I know. been there done that. My problem was follow thru...I just felt so darn guilty for not giving him "one more chance". So I hired a coach, but you can just as easily have a friend take on that role. He told me to read The Four Agreements (Witz just finished it). He suggested I start talking using husband's name, instead of "my husband" when I talked about him; call his family by name instead of brother in law, mother in law, father in law, etc. Funny how those little things helped. And he told me to learn to "be with myself". Don't think of it as being alone, think of it as spending quality time with you - and you'll find you enjoy it (that was never a problem for me...) In just a couple weeks, then, he helped hold me accountable. I told coach what I was going to do, I told husband what had to happen, and the consequences if it didn't, and I followed thru, and gave the coach updates nightly - I actually had to go face to face with him and tell him I did (or didn't) do what I said I was going to if husband did this or that.</p><p> </p><p>It really, really helped me get thru it.</p><p> </p><p>Hugs to you. You don't need this right now.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Shari, post: 174842, member: 1848"] How do you get him out? You draw a line in the sand, tell him the consequences if he crosses it, and follow thru. Simple, huh? Yeah, right. I know. been there done that. My problem was follow thru...I just felt so darn guilty for not giving him "one more chance". So I hired a coach, but you can just as easily have a friend take on that role. He told me to read The Four Agreements (Witz just finished it). He suggested I start talking using husband's name, instead of "my husband" when I talked about him; call his family by name instead of brother in law, mother in law, father in law, etc. Funny how those little things helped. And he told me to learn to "be with myself". Don't think of it as being alone, think of it as spending quality time with you - and you'll find you enjoy it (that was never a problem for me...) In just a couple weeks, then, he helped hold me accountable. I told coach what I was going to do, I told husband what had to happen, and the consequences if it didn't, and I followed thru, and gave the coach updates nightly - I actually had to go face to face with him and tell him I did (or didn't) do what I said I was going to if husband did this or that. It really, really helped me get thru it. Hugs to you. You don't need this right now. [/QUOTE]
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