answeredprayer
New Member
Hello everyone, I am new to your forum, though I have been lurking for a few months now. I stumbled across your wonderful place while looking for support for the situation in which I currently find myself. I have finally gotten to a place where I can not handle this on my own, and thought I would reach out for some advice and support...so here goes. I apologize now if this runs long.
For quite some time now ( a few years) I have known that my son has had a reading disability and ADHD. We have recently (within the past 3 months) been able to help him in that area with the right medication, though I hate to have to go that route! He is right now on 18 mg of Concerta and has to take a 1 mg tablet of Melatonin to sleep. In the past year my son has started having anger outbursts. At first I assumed it was a "stage" he was going through, but in the past few months his behavior has bordered on defiant and at times extremely defiant. I engaged a behavior therapist for him a little over a month ago, but I don't see any positive change in him. he likes going to see his therapist because she has "so many toys", but there has been no change in his behavior. I am at my wits end!! I feel as if I have failed him in some way, and I have no idea how to deal with his behavior issues. I have never been a parent who "spoils" their child and lets them do whatever they please, so this behavior is shocking to me to say the least! I can honestly say that he has been taught to know better then to act this way. As far as I can tell there really are no triggers for his outbursts in most cases. For instance, when he gets home from school the first thing we do is homework, before the Concerta has a chance to wear off, because if it does homework will never get accomplished. On one particular day he came home and went straight to his room and started playing instead of doing his homework. I simply went to his room and reminded him that he had homework to get done and that he needed to come to the kitchen and do it. He started out back talking me and giving me one of those "how could you ask me to do that" looks. I was firm but not negative and told him that he is not to talk to me that way and that his homework had to be done before playing. he then proceeded to yell at me and tell me I was mean and started kicking the wall and throwing his toys. This was more than just a temper tantrum. The look of pure anger that flashed across his face was scary. I told him he had five time-out minutes for his behavior and that triggered another outburst. In the end the outbursts continued for a few minutes, homework never got accomplished, he got a spanking, and he spent the next hour sitting on his bed for his accumulated time-outs. I realize my tone probably became more forceful and negative as the event escalated, but I don't understand what triggered it to begin with? Now the day before and the next day i could say the same thing to him and he be like OK and do it. It's as if he has two personalities at times. So the same things don't always act as triggers for him.
To give you more insight into my son... he goes to his fathers house every other weekend. This has been an issue since day one. He comes home with behavior issues most every time. Since pre-school his teachers have been able to tell you when he goes to his dads simply by how he acts. He has no rules at dads has and no stability. His counselor has picked up on this problem as well. She feels as if his outbursts could be a result of that relationship in some way. I try talking to my x about it and he says what he has always said, which is that is has nothing to do with him and that it is my fault for poor discipline techniques. His dad has taught him to lie to me and back talk me, and has openly stated on many occasions that he is going to make my son "mean". Well, I have asked lawyers about this, and in my state, there is nothing I can do about this. As long as my son is not being physically abused by his father, I can not keep him from seeing him.
I know I am not going in order with my info, and I apologize. Like I said before, this behavior has just begun about a year ago. That is when we tried him on his first medications for his ADHD (Strattera) . He had troubles focusing in school and had a reading disability, which they believe stemmed from the lack of focus. Up to this point he had never had a behavior issue at school or home. His behavior was altered after seeing his dad, but nothing that was a major issue. His started on the lowest dose of Straterra, and moved up to the 40 mg within months...which we found out was a major overdose for his size...we found a new doctor after that. The Straterra made him literally act nuts. I took him off that medication and he has not had any until a few months ago when we started the Concerta.
I might add also that his behavior issues really started when his dad remarried, and have escalated as his dads marriage has fallen apart. They are still together, but every other weekend they split up and my son is told they are divorcing, only to find them back together the next week.
I have done the "rewards" system with him, and it failed miserably. I have also done the "take away" system with him, and it failed. Now the counselor is saying that I need to do a mixture of the two.
I had been told that uping his dose of Concerta would help with these outbursts. He is on the lowest dose. His doctor and I thought it best to put him on a low dose and his counselor also though it would be good to couple therapy with the low dose at first, for a couple months to help them better understand where the behavior is stemming from. I honestly don't know if I can handle a couple more months of this behavior though.
OK...now what would you all say I should do to begin to get my son back on the right track? He is most often the most sweet and loving boy. these outbursts are driving me nuts...how can I deal with these better? How can I help him?
For quite some time now ( a few years) I have known that my son has had a reading disability and ADHD. We have recently (within the past 3 months) been able to help him in that area with the right medication, though I hate to have to go that route! He is right now on 18 mg of Concerta and has to take a 1 mg tablet of Melatonin to sleep. In the past year my son has started having anger outbursts. At first I assumed it was a "stage" he was going through, but in the past few months his behavior has bordered on defiant and at times extremely defiant. I engaged a behavior therapist for him a little over a month ago, but I don't see any positive change in him. he likes going to see his therapist because she has "so many toys", but there has been no change in his behavior. I am at my wits end!! I feel as if I have failed him in some way, and I have no idea how to deal with his behavior issues. I have never been a parent who "spoils" their child and lets them do whatever they please, so this behavior is shocking to me to say the least! I can honestly say that he has been taught to know better then to act this way. As far as I can tell there really are no triggers for his outbursts in most cases. For instance, when he gets home from school the first thing we do is homework, before the Concerta has a chance to wear off, because if it does homework will never get accomplished. On one particular day he came home and went straight to his room and started playing instead of doing his homework. I simply went to his room and reminded him that he had homework to get done and that he needed to come to the kitchen and do it. He started out back talking me and giving me one of those "how could you ask me to do that" looks. I was firm but not negative and told him that he is not to talk to me that way and that his homework had to be done before playing. he then proceeded to yell at me and tell me I was mean and started kicking the wall and throwing his toys. This was more than just a temper tantrum. The look of pure anger that flashed across his face was scary. I told him he had five time-out minutes for his behavior and that triggered another outburst. In the end the outbursts continued for a few minutes, homework never got accomplished, he got a spanking, and he spent the next hour sitting on his bed for his accumulated time-outs. I realize my tone probably became more forceful and negative as the event escalated, but I don't understand what triggered it to begin with? Now the day before and the next day i could say the same thing to him and he be like OK and do it. It's as if he has two personalities at times. So the same things don't always act as triggers for him.
To give you more insight into my son... he goes to his fathers house every other weekend. This has been an issue since day one. He comes home with behavior issues most every time. Since pre-school his teachers have been able to tell you when he goes to his dads simply by how he acts. He has no rules at dads has and no stability. His counselor has picked up on this problem as well. She feels as if his outbursts could be a result of that relationship in some way. I try talking to my x about it and he says what he has always said, which is that is has nothing to do with him and that it is my fault for poor discipline techniques. His dad has taught him to lie to me and back talk me, and has openly stated on many occasions that he is going to make my son "mean". Well, I have asked lawyers about this, and in my state, there is nothing I can do about this. As long as my son is not being physically abused by his father, I can not keep him from seeing him.
I know I am not going in order with my info, and I apologize. Like I said before, this behavior has just begun about a year ago. That is when we tried him on his first medications for his ADHD (Strattera) . He had troubles focusing in school and had a reading disability, which they believe stemmed from the lack of focus. Up to this point he had never had a behavior issue at school or home. His behavior was altered after seeing his dad, but nothing that was a major issue. His started on the lowest dose of Straterra, and moved up to the 40 mg within months...which we found out was a major overdose for his size...we found a new doctor after that. The Straterra made him literally act nuts. I took him off that medication and he has not had any until a few months ago when we started the Concerta.
I might add also that his behavior issues really started when his dad remarried, and have escalated as his dads marriage has fallen apart. They are still together, but every other weekend they split up and my son is told they are divorcing, only to find them back together the next week.
I have done the "rewards" system with him, and it failed miserably. I have also done the "take away" system with him, and it failed. Now the counselor is saying that I need to do a mixture of the two.
I had been told that uping his dose of Concerta would help with these outbursts. He is on the lowest dose. His doctor and I thought it best to put him on a low dose and his counselor also though it would be good to couple therapy with the low dose at first, for a couple months to help them better understand where the behavior is stemming from. I honestly don't know if I can handle a couple more months of this behavior though.
OK...now what would you all say I should do to begin to get my son back on the right track? He is most often the most sweet and loving boy. these outbursts are driving me nuts...how can I deal with these better? How can I help him?