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adopted 10 yr old twins with ADHD--PLease help!
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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 417161" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>That seems like sound advice, karmadestiny. You seem to have a compassionate insight into how these children tick - so much harder when it's one of your own, I know... by the way, my son, adopted at age 3 also used to scratch my face as a baby and I would sometimes have gashes running down it... I would say that my son has now bonded with me and other family members successfully, however. What is the outlook for a child adopted at age 10 with a history of foster care and abandonment/neglect? Without obviously being in any way an expert I would say that it has to poor, the chances of a successful "graft" are poor.</p><p>For the rest, I would agree with the other posters. This is something you need to enter with really open eyes. It is about informed consent, also. It may seem negative but actually I think it is a good thing to know just how potentially difficult and heart-rending a journey this could be for you and your family. I agree it seems cruel and wrong to split the twins up. If you do choose to adopt, I do think it is fair for you to do so knowing what is likely (not inevitable) to lie ahead.</p><p>If I can just add a personal note, based on what you say about having lost babies yourself. I totally understand the drive that that gives you to adopt a child or children. When I adopted myself, I was so driven by that need and desire. I just didn't consider what could go "wrong" - all I saw was this perfect little baby, sweet and helpless and in need of mothering... even if I had known, I don't suppose it would have made me change my mind. But forewarned is forearmed. It is surely wiser to consider this thing soberly while you have the chance and before you have actually adopted.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 417161, member: 11227"] That seems like sound advice, karmadestiny. You seem to have a compassionate insight into how these children tick - so much harder when it's one of your own, I know... by the way, my son, adopted at age 3 also used to scratch my face as a baby and I would sometimes have gashes running down it... I would say that my son has now bonded with me and other family members successfully, however. What is the outlook for a child adopted at age 10 with a history of foster care and abandonment/neglect? Without obviously being in any way an expert I would say that it has to poor, the chances of a successful "graft" are poor. For the rest, I would agree with the other posters. This is something you need to enter with really open eyes. It is about informed consent, also. It may seem negative but actually I think it is a good thing to know just how potentially difficult and heart-rending a journey this could be for you and your family. I agree it seems cruel and wrong to split the twins up. If you do choose to adopt, I do think it is fair for you to do so knowing what is likely (not inevitable) to lie ahead. If I can just add a personal note, based on what you say about having lost babies yourself. I totally understand the drive that that gives you to adopt a child or children. When I adopted myself, I was so driven by that need and desire. I just didn't consider what could go "wrong" - all I saw was this perfect little baby, sweet and helpless and in need of mothering... even if I had known, I don't suppose it would have made me change my mind. But forewarned is forearmed. It is surely wiser to consider this thing soberly while you have the chance and before you have actually adopted. [/QUOTE]
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