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adopted 10 yr old twins with ADHD--PLease help!
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 417200" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Wow. You got some awesome advice here.</p><p></p><p>You can not expect to build that perfect family you crave with older adopted kids. They have been damaged. I was told by our social worker in New Jersey (where we adopted our eleven year old from) that 99.9% of the kids in foster care have somewhere along the line been sexually abused. These kids do not understand family nor appreciate it. They often see us as a means to an end because they live in survival mode. They don't see us as parents...they see us as people who will give them money and toys and are not above playing up to us to get them. If you adopt older children it is best to abandon that "happy family/white picket fence" fantasy because it is very unlikely to happen. The children we adopted as infants/youngsters attached to us and made us a family. The children we adopted at older ages did not. And they all bring with them the drugs that they ingested in utero and their birthparent's genetics. None of our older adoptions worked out. That isn't to say they can't, just that lowering expectations is best.</p><p></p><p>A friend of mine adopted one and two year old siblings. They were chosen to parent these children out of 145 couples. Both of them have given them so much grief that the police are regular visitors because the boy (in particular) is violent and often dangerous to the other children. Both have been close to giving up...the schools blame THEM. The other two children were also adopted, but at birth, and they are doing great. There IS a big difference.</p><p></p><p>Good luck <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 417200, member: 1550"] Wow. You got some awesome advice here. You can not expect to build that perfect family you crave with older adopted kids. They have been damaged. I was told by our social worker in New Jersey (where we adopted our eleven year old from) that 99.9% of the kids in foster care have somewhere along the line been sexually abused. These kids do not understand family nor appreciate it. They often see us as a means to an end because they live in survival mode. They don't see us as parents...they see us as people who will give them money and toys and are not above playing up to us to get them. If you adopt older children it is best to abandon that "happy family/white picket fence" fantasy because it is very unlikely to happen. The children we adopted as infants/youngsters attached to us and made us a family. The children we adopted at older ages did not. And they all bring with them the drugs that they ingested in utero and their birthparent's genetics. None of our older adoptions worked out. That isn't to say they can't, just that lowering expectations is best. A friend of mine adopted one and two year old siblings. They were chosen to parent these children out of 145 couples. Both of them have given them so much grief that the police are regular visitors because the boy (in particular) is violent and often dangerous to the other children. Both have been close to giving up...the schools blame THEM. The other two children were also adopted, but at birth, and they are doing great. There IS a big difference. Good luck :) [/QUOTE]
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