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adopted 10 yr old twins with ADHD--PLease help!
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<blockquote data-quote="timer lady" data-source="post: 417358" data-attributes="member: 393"><p>Another parent of adopted twins ~ a boy & girl I affectionately call the tweedles. They came into our lives at the tender age of 6 (now almost 17 years of age). They were both diagnosis'd with adhd; nothing could have been further from the truth. </p><p></p><p>After almost 2 years of searching for answers & going to court to get medical, therapy & other papers released it turns out that kt & wm were abused, neglected & used in childhood porn. They had been in "several" foster care settings & back to bio mom & back to foster care. At the end of all that we were dealing with severe Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), complex PTSD & bipolar. My husband (who passed away 2 years ago) & I fought for the best care. We didn't finalize the adoption for 2 years ~ we insisted on in home services, funding for Residential Treatment Center (RTC), & a straight medicaid. If that didn't come thru the state was welcome to pick up my children. Guess what? They never picked up my children; they did provide what was requested & absolutely to help parent my challenging, intense & at times, loving children.</p><p></p><p>Before you finalize please insist on a thorough neuropsychologist evaluation including the trauma section (I can't remember the name of that piece of the test). </p><p></p><p>In the meantime, pick your battles wisely. In my tweedles IEPs homework was written out as an accomodation. It wasn't worth the battles or possible crisis team intervention. Once kt & wm hit 5th grade if homework wasn't completed at home it was completed at school during recess.</p><p></p><p>Give your children as many choices as you can handle. Cereal or toast for breakfast. Shower or bath. They've had so little control over their young lives they will challenge you on each & every decision made on their behalf. </p><p></p><p>Document everything. Expect at some point soon for your children (Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) or not) to test your love for them. To test if you are going to go the long haul or pass them to another foster placement. </p><p></p><p>I'm a parent who will tell you that love does not cure all. I will tell you that with time, perserverance & a village (i.e. team of service providers) things will improve. Expect baby steps to start; give any & all kinds of nurturing exercises you can. Find a good adoption/attachment specialist.</p><p></p><p>Please keep us updated.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="timer lady, post: 417358, member: 393"] Another parent of adopted twins ~ a boy & girl I affectionately call the tweedles. They came into our lives at the tender age of 6 (now almost 17 years of age). They were both diagnosis'd with adhd; nothing could have been further from the truth. After almost 2 years of searching for answers & going to court to get medical, therapy & other papers released it turns out that kt & wm were abused, neglected & used in childhood porn. They had been in "several" foster care settings & back to bio mom & back to foster care. At the end of all that we were dealing with severe Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), complex PTSD & bipolar. My husband (who passed away 2 years ago) & I fought for the best care. We didn't finalize the adoption for 2 years ~ we insisted on in home services, funding for Residential Treatment Center (RTC), & a straight medicaid. If that didn't come thru the state was welcome to pick up my children. Guess what? They never picked up my children; they did provide what was requested & absolutely to help parent my challenging, intense & at times, loving children. Before you finalize please insist on a thorough neuropsychologist evaluation including the trauma section (I can't remember the name of that piece of the test). In the meantime, pick your battles wisely. In my tweedles IEPs homework was written out as an accomodation. It wasn't worth the battles or possible crisis team intervention. Once kt & wm hit 5th grade if homework wasn't completed at home it was completed at school during recess. Give your children as many choices as you can handle. Cereal or toast for breakfast. Shower or bath. They've had so little control over their young lives they will challenge you on each & every decision made on their behalf. Document everything. Expect at some point soon for your children (Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) or not) to test your love for them. To test if you are going to go the long haul or pass them to another foster placement. I'm a parent who will tell you that love does not cure all. I will tell you that with time, perserverance & a village (i.e. team of service providers) things will improve. Expect baby steps to start; give any & all kinds of nurturing exercises you can. Find a good adoption/attachment specialist. Please keep us updated. [/QUOTE]
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