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Substance Abuse
Adopted kids with addictions --what about their birthparents?
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<blockquote data-quote="Nancy" data-source="post: 507994" data-attributes="member: 59"><p>Let me first say I love my difficult child more than anything in the world, as much as I love my easy child and I would do anything I possibly could to help her become the person she wants to be, happy and successful in life. However:</p><p></p><p>The genetic predisposition to addiction is huge. I wish I knew this more 20 years ago. I'm not sure what I would have done differently but if I had know that almost nothing I did would change things perhaps I could have spent more time planning for the future instead of putting out fires. This is going to sound harsh but many times over the past few years I felt like we were just babysitters, saving society from having to pay for her care which turned out to be an enormous expense. Had we not adopted her and if all the other parents hadn't adopted their children, who would have paid for these children to get the mental and pyschological help they so desperately need? At times I feel that a fraud was perpetated on us, that those in the field knew what we were getting into and knew that there was a very good chance that these children would have serious problems growing up and that our families would be stretched and torn apart to the max, and still they did not tell us.</p><p></p><p>From all of my experiences and all of the acquaintances I know there are very few adoptions that have not had many of the same heartaches we have had. These are not coincidences, genetics follows a person and does not disapppear because you take that person our of it's genetic environment. Just look at the genetic makeup of so many diseases and it's easy to see how addiction follows the same lines. My difficult child is so much like her bm it's scarey. She has done the same things and become addicted to the same substances and acted the same way and gotten into the same trouble and even has gotten the same tatoos as her bm and she has never met her.</p><p></p><p>We did tell our difficult child that her bm had a drug/alcohol problem probably when she was about 12. Whether that made her want to drink and smoke pot because it made her feel closer to her bm or not is anyone's guess. At the time she hated us and thought her bm was a fairy godmother so it's possible. </p><p></p><p>Nancy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nancy, post: 507994, member: 59"] Let me first say I love my difficult child more than anything in the world, as much as I love my easy child and I would do anything I possibly could to help her become the person she wants to be, happy and successful in life. However: The genetic predisposition to addiction is huge. I wish I knew this more 20 years ago. I'm not sure what I would have done differently but if I had know that almost nothing I did would change things perhaps I could have spent more time planning for the future instead of putting out fires. This is going to sound harsh but many times over the past few years I felt like we were just babysitters, saving society from having to pay for her care which turned out to be an enormous expense. Had we not adopted her and if all the other parents hadn't adopted their children, who would have paid for these children to get the mental and pyschological help they so desperately need? At times I feel that a fraud was perpetated on us, that those in the field knew what we were getting into and knew that there was a very good chance that these children would have serious problems growing up and that our families would be stretched and torn apart to the max, and still they did not tell us. From all of my experiences and all of the acquaintances I know there are very few adoptions that have not had many of the same heartaches we have had. These are not coincidences, genetics follows a person and does not disapppear because you take that person our of it's genetic environment. Just look at the genetic makeup of so many diseases and it's easy to see how addiction follows the same lines. My difficult child is so much like her bm it's scarey. She has done the same things and become addicted to the same substances and acted the same way and gotten into the same trouble and even has gotten the same tatoos as her bm and she has never met her. We did tell our difficult child that her bm had a drug/alcohol problem probably when she was about 12. Whether that made her want to drink and smoke pot because it made her feel closer to her bm or not is anyone's guess. At the time she hated us and thought her bm was a fairy godmother so it's possible. Nancy [/QUOTE]
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Adopted kids with addictions --what about their birthparents?
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