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Adoptive difficult child Lost Job and is Moving in with Bio Mom and wad kicked
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 611438" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>SB, I am so very sorry you are going through all of this with your son. You do not deserve this behavior from him. His behavior and his negative choices are somewhat typical around here,whether the kids are adopted, have mental issues or have substance abuse issues or all of the above. How WE respond to this kind of behavior for ourselves is what it all comes down to.</p><p></p><p>At 19 years old your son is old enough to make the choices he wants regardless of how you feel about them. I don't believe his desire to live with his bio Mom is all that unusual in certain types of kids, I imagine it won't last long considering both of their behaviors, however, all you can do is let go and make every attempt to learn how to detach and put your focus back onto your life. </p><p></p><p>You've likely done everything you can to remedy this situation, it sounds as if you have, and at a certain point, all we parents can do is to let go. There is an article at the bottom of my post here on detachment, it can be helpful. You may want to find a therapist, a 12 step group, a parent support group or do a search for NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness, they have programs and classes for parents which are invaluable and they can be accessed online, they have chapters everywhere. It's imperative that you take care of yourself now.</p><p></p><p>Sometimes with all our best intentions and very best parenting skills, our kids go off the rails. It is not your fault, I'm sure you did the best you could. You didn't cause this. Adopted children have their own issues. You can't control it, you can't fix it and it is unhealthy to enable him. He needs to find his own way and face the consequences of his behavior. And, that's tough on us. Get yourself as much support as you possibly can and practice detachment. It helps to keep posting, we understand, we've been there. I'm glad you found us. I wish you peace.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 611438, member: 13542"] SB, I am so very sorry you are going through all of this with your son. You do not deserve this behavior from him. His behavior and his negative choices are somewhat typical around here,whether the kids are adopted, have mental issues or have substance abuse issues or all of the above. How WE respond to this kind of behavior for ourselves is what it all comes down to. At 19 years old your son is old enough to make the choices he wants regardless of how you feel about them. I don't believe his desire to live with his bio Mom is all that unusual in certain types of kids, I imagine it won't last long considering both of their behaviors, however, all you can do is let go and make every attempt to learn how to detach and put your focus back onto your life. You've likely done everything you can to remedy this situation, it sounds as if you have, and at a certain point, all we parents can do is to let go. There is an article at the bottom of my post here on detachment, it can be helpful. You may want to find a therapist, a 12 step group, a parent support group or do a search for NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness, they have programs and classes for parents which are invaluable and they can be accessed online, they have chapters everywhere. It's imperative that you take care of yourself now. Sometimes with all our best intentions and very best parenting skills, our kids go off the rails. It is not your fault, I'm sure you did the best you could. You didn't cause this. Adopted children have their own issues. You can't control it, you can't fix it and it is unhealthy to enable him. He needs to find his own way and face the consequences of his behavior. And, that's tough on us. Get yourself as much support as you possibly can and practice detachment. It helps to keep posting, we understand, we've been there. I'm glad you found us. I wish you peace. [/QUOTE]
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Adoptive difficult child Lost Job and is Moving in with Bio Mom and wad kicked
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