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Adoptive difficult child Lost Job and is Moving in with Bio Mom and wad kicked
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<blockquote data-quote="stressbunny" data-source="post: 611588"><p>I can't tell you how helpful I have found your replies. I have read and re-read them over the past few days, especially when I found myself dwelling on guilt and fear, neither of which are healthy places to be. </p><p></p><p>Today, JT called and said, "hey", and then he just paused and didn't really ask for anything, but I knew he was calling to ask for something. Sure enough, he asked if he could leave a bunch of his clothes here. I asked him why he would need to do that, and he said it was due to the fact that they wouldn't fit where he would be living. So, I asked why not, and he said there would be other people living in the apartment with him, and I asked what apartment, as at the last update, he had said he would be moving in with his bio mom (who lives in a house, not an apartment). JT said he is moving in with some of his church camp buddies. I later found out from my father-in-law that JT plans to work at the casino with his friends in the town where he'll be living, about an hour north of where bio mom lives.</p><p></p><p>So now I wonder if that was ever going to happen (moving in with bio mom) or if he was just saying that to press a button; to hurt us in some way. Or, he actually was going to move in with bio mom as a last resort, and then he found this option, which he perceives as better.</p><p></p><p>Anyway, as I was imagining these many, many bags of clothes (clothes in garbage bags he took away with him a couple of months ago when he left here), I thought about how much I just don't want them here. He doesn't wash his clothes regularly, and they smell bad - a combination of garage grease, sweat, mildew, and probably cigarettes too. So, I said I didn't think that was a good idea or that it supported him functioning more independently, but that I would talk to his dad about it, because we make decisions together. JT became instantly angry at me, loudly proclaiming, "Forget it then! I'll just sell my clothes if you won't let me keep them there!!!" I am SO tired of his sarcastic tone when he doesn't get what he wants. Frankly, he has nerve calling here and asking for anything at this point. I hung up the phone and then texted him that I would not stay on the phone with him if he was using a sarcastic tone; that I would not allow him to treat me that way. I also texted that I am always willing to have a respectful conversation.</p><p></p><p>This is the beginning of setting new boundaries with him.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="stressbunny, post: 611588"] I can't tell you how helpful I have found your replies. I have read and re-read them over the past few days, especially when I found myself dwelling on guilt and fear, neither of which are healthy places to be. Today, JT called and said, "hey", and then he just paused and didn't really ask for anything, but I knew he was calling to ask for something. Sure enough, he asked if he could leave a bunch of his clothes here. I asked him why he would need to do that, and he said it was due to the fact that they wouldn't fit where he would be living. So, I asked why not, and he said there would be other people living in the apartment with him, and I asked what apartment, as at the last update, he had said he would be moving in with his bio mom (who lives in a house, not an apartment). JT said he is moving in with some of his church camp buddies. I later found out from my father-in-law that JT plans to work at the casino with his friends in the town where he'll be living, about an hour north of where bio mom lives. So now I wonder if that was ever going to happen (moving in with bio mom) or if he was just saying that to press a button; to hurt us in some way. Or, he actually was going to move in with bio mom as a last resort, and then he found this option, which he perceives as better. Anyway, as I was imagining these many, many bags of clothes (clothes in garbage bags he took away with him a couple of months ago when he left here), I thought about how much I just don't want them here. He doesn't wash his clothes regularly, and they smell bad - a combination of garage grease, sweat, mildew, and probably cigarettes too. So, I said I didn't think that was a good idea or that it supported him functioning more independently, but that I would talk to his dad about it, because we make decisions together. JT became instantly angry at me, loudly proclaiming, "Forget it then! I'll just sell my clothes if you won't let me keep them there!!!" I am SO tired of his sarcastic tone when he doesn't get what he wants. Frankly, he has nerve calling here and asking for anything at this point. I hung up the phone and then texted him that I would not stay on the phone with him if he was using a sarcastic tone; that I would not allow him to treat me that way. I also texted that I am always willing to have a respectful conversation. This is the beginning of setting new boundaries with him. [/QUOTE]
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