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Adoptive difficult child Lost Job and is Moving in with Bio Mom and wad kicked
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 611594" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>SB, guilt and fear are our companions for awhile on this landscape, it takes a little bit of time to let go of all of that. We parents take a lot of responsibility for our offspring and for a time, we do believe we can find a way to change it...........it's fearful to watch our kids make poor choices that put them in harms way...........although guilt and fear are not healthy, they seem to be part of our collective process through this. It takes time to learn a different way to respond, our natural instincts are to protect, provide, nurture and support, so to detach, to let go, goes against our very nature as a loving parent.............so be kind to yourself as you travel this road, it's a tough one.</p><p></p><p>Your conversation with your difficult child sounds much like the script many of us have followed, our kids want something and when they don't get it, the abuse towards us starts. You did a good job in setting boundaries, well done! You're right, your son may have told you he was going to stay with bio mom to hurt you, or maybe not, you'll likely never know, they are adept at manipulation and deception..........</p><p></p><p>For me it's been all about setting boundaries. Figuring out what I want, what I don't want, what I am willing to do, what I am not......and communicating that very clearly and making sure that those lines aren't crossed. Often, what that means is limited access to us, since many of our difficult child's don't respect us or our boundaries.</p><p></p><p>I'm glad you found us helpful, I had that experience too when I first arrived here.....(and still do) ......it is remarkably comforting to be in the company of others who really understand, empathize, have compassion and can offer their experience which often mirrors our own. It's very helpful to post and get immediate feedback, especially since we have so many doubts as we go through this. Hang in there, it really does get easier as we continue along.........</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 611594, member: 13542"] SB, guilt and fear are our companions for awhile on this landscape, it takes a little bit of time to let go of all of that. We parents take a lot of responsibility for our offspring and for a time, we do believe we can find a way to change it...........it's fearful to watch our kids make poor choices that put them in harms way...........although guilt and fear are not healthy, they seem to be part of our collective process through this. It takes time to learn a different way to respond, our natural instincts are to protect, provide, nurture and support, so to detach, to let go, goes against our very nature as a loving parent.............so be kind to yourself as you travel this road, it's a tough one. Your conversation with your difficult child sounds much like the script many of us have followed, our kids want something and when they don't get it, the abuse towards us starts. You did a good job in setting boundaries, well done! You're right, your son may have told you he was going to stay with bio mom to hurt you, or maybe not, you'll likely never know, they are adept at manipulation and deception.......... For me it's been all about setting boundaries. Figuring out what I want, what I don't want, what I am willing to do, what I am not......and communicating that very clearly and making sure that those lines aren't crossed. Often, what that means is limited access to us, since many of our difficult child's don't respect us or our boundaries. I'm glad you found us helpful, I had that experience too when I first arrived here.....(and still do) ......it is remarkably comforting to be in the company of others who really understand, empathize, have compassion and can offer their experience which often mirrors our own. It's very helpful to post and get immediate feedback, especially since we have so many doubts as we go through this. Hang in there, it really does get easier as we continue along......... [/QUOTE]
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Adoptive difficult child Lost Job and is Moving in with Bio Mom and wad kicked
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