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Adult son back in jail for the nth time
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<blockquote data-quote="detachingmother" data-source="post: 679659" data-attributes="member: 20063"><p>Yes, I am very afraid. For him being around the baby, AND for his own life, as I think he might very well follow through with suicide one day soon. It does feel like watching a train wreck. My hands are almost always tied, unless I am able to get him in the car and take him to a hospital. Then, and only then if the docs witness what I witness they will admit him and get him half way stable. I've had to call the police, ambulances, etc. Always a traumatic experience. And often, at least in the past, he sometimes can sound so intelligent, that he can make it out like I am the crazy one, who needs to go and they end up not even taking him.</p><p></p><p>Yes, MONEY is a huge problem and he is coherent enough to work. He's started two businesses, after taking some business college courses. He is very smart, as I know many people with mental illness are, when they aren't in the thick of their disease. When he takes his depakote, he's out in the community, interacting better than most with customers. He is actually AMAZING at marketing and obtaining "jobs". He's made $3000-$4000 a week many weeks when his disease isn't hurting him. I have no idea where his money goes, bc he was living in a very crappy area, although he had nice things in there....part of that was bc he has a felony and most places won't rent to him, and he can't save enough to do what he needs to do. And, well I quit co-signing for him from all the damages/evictions he has gotten in other places he's lived.</p><p></p><p>The Money though, oh yes, it makes him ten times worse. His mania goes through the roof, he likes the mania bc he works hard while he has it, one reason he hates taking medications. I actually wish he didn't know how to make money, because it does not help him in any way...even when he gets a nice place and gets nice TVs, vehicles, Beds to furnish, etc, he literally destroys it all in one way or another. He has had to start over so many times I cannot count. BUt on the other hand at least i don't feel guilty for that part of letting him be out in the cold with nothing, bc I refuse to help him financially. He truly can't even keep a car or truck more than a few months...he constantly has to replace things he ruined. </p><p></p><p>girlfriend went to visit him yesterday...it went poorly she said. He was blaming us for his issues, as usual. He hates me most the time, tells me to "die", won't come to my "funeral", all of his problems are bc of me. I know it's not personal, he's angry with his situation. </p><p></p><p>Yesterday, he kept saying to her, "I'm already dead", referring to himself. They still won't get him his medications in the jail and it's been a month tomorrow that he's been there. When girlfriend told me this, I thought to myself, yes, he is in more ways than one, but didn't say it. I feel like he's dead in alot of ways too. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /></p><p></p><p>Again, thanks for all the input. I don't feel like there's much hope, and so many times I have grieved him being gone, but it's still hard. </p><p></p><p>It would be easier if he was just "crazy" all the time, so he could be put in a group home or something where he would be at least ok and not kill himself or something worse. </p><p></p><p>IT's so much harder bc he can seem normal at times, and often. It does get worse as he gets older though, if it's like my mom's it will get much worse before it gets better.</p><p></p><p>Hope this might help someone else going through this, it's a nightmare...I can't be the only one.</p><p></p><p>I haven't spoken to him in six days. Phone calls are expensive and I am broke right now bc of the ones I have paid for...I feel like it's all I will do is talk to him. I've always told him I won't give him money anymore but I will talk to him on the phone and give emotional support, but so far I've spend about $240 of calls, and another $200 on commissary I think-- something like that, bc the food is awful there. It was all my own grocery money. But, I do feel it's not jail he belongs in, it's treatment. He still doesn't even grasp what he's done.</p><p></p><p>I know though, it's good to maybe not talk to him and let it maybe sink in why he's there, basically for refusing treatment when he needs it. He has to learn some how. I don't know always a double edged sword...and vicious cycle. Hospital would be better and just maybe he will realize this...not that he has a choice now, but he will have somewhat of a choice on which way this goes with the judge...if he can think straight. Wish they would get him medications in there, they still haven't although he's seen the psychiatrist...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="detachingmother, post: 679659, member: 20063"] Yes, I am very afraid. For him being around the baby, AND for his own life, as I think he might very well follow through with suicide one day soon. It does feel like watching a train wreck. My hands are almost always tied, unless I am able to get him in the car and take him to a hospital. Then, and only then if the docs witness what I witness they will admit him and get him half way stable. I've had to call the police, ambulances, etc. Always a traumatic experience. And often, at least in the past, he sometimes can sound so intelligent, that he can make it out like I am the crazy one, who needs to go and they end up not even taking him. Yes, MONEY is a huge problem and he is coherent enough to work. He's started two businesses, after taking some business college courses. He is very smart, as I know many people with mental illness are, when they aren't in the thick of their disease. When he takes his depakote, he's out in the community, interacting better than most with customers. He is actually AMAZING at marketing and obtaining "jobs". He's made $3000-$4000 a week many weeks when his disease isn't hurting him. I have no idea where his money goes, bc he was living in a very crappy area, although he had nice things in there....part of that was bc he has a felony and most places won't rent to him, and he can't save enough to do what he needs to do. And, well I quit co-signing for him from all the damages/evictions he has gotten in other places he's lived. The Money though, oh yes, it makes him ten times worse. His mania goes through the roof, he likes the mania bc he works hard while he has it, one reason he hates taking medications. I actually wish he didn't know how to make money, because it does not help him in any way...even when he gets a nice place and gets nice TVs, vehicles, Beds to furnish, etc, he literally destroys it all in one way or another. He has had to start over so many times I cannot count. BUt on the other hand at least i don't feel guilty for that part of letting him be out in the cold with nothing, bc I refuse to help him financially. He truly can't even keep a car or truck more than a few months...he constantly has to replace things he ruined. girlfriend went to visit him yesterday...it went poorly she said. He was blaming us for his issues, as usual. He hates me most the time, tells me to "die", won't come to my "funeral", all of his problems are bc of me. I know it's not personal, he's angry with his situation. Yesterday, he kept saying to her, "I'm already dead", referring to himself. They still won't get him his medications in the jail and it's been a month tomorrow that he's been there. When girlfriend told me this, I thought to myself, yes, he is in more ways than one, but didn't say it. I feel like he's dead in alot of ways too. :( Again, thanks for all the input. I don't feel like there's much hope, and so many times I have grieved him being gone, but it's still hard. It would be easier if he was just "crazy" all the time, so he could be put in a group home or something where he would be at least ok and not kill himself or something worse. IT's so much harder bc he can seem normal at times, and often. It does get worse as he gets older though, if it's like my mom's it will get much worse before it gets better. Hope this might help someone else going through this, it's a nightmare...I can't be the only one. I haven't spoken to him in six days. Phone calls are expensive and I am broke right now bc of the ones I have paid for...I feel like it's all I will do is talk to him. I've always told him I won't give him money anymore but I will talk to him on the phone and give emotional support, but so far I've spend about $240 of calls, and another $200 on commissary I think-- something like that, bc the food is awful there. It was all my own grocery money. But, I do feel it's not jail he belongs in, it's treatment. He still doesn't even grasp what he's done. I know though, it's good to maybe not talk to him and let it maybe sink in why he's there, basically for refusing treatment when he needs it. He has to learn some how. I don't know always a double edged sword...and vicious cycle. Hospital would be better and just maybe he will realize this...not that he has a choice now, but he will have somewhat of a choice on which way this goes with the judge...if he can think straight. Wish they would get him medications in there, they still haven't although he's seen the psychiatrist... [/QUOTE]
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Adult son back in jail for the nth time
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