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Adult son back in jail for the nth time
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<blockquote data-quote="Sister's Keeper" data-source="post: 679962" data-attributes="member: 20051"><p>Savior,</p><p></p><p>With me it is my sister, not a child, but I'm raising her kids in the wake of her addiction.</p><p></p><p>Same story, in and out of jail. Never violent crimes, always shoplifting and parole/probation violations. I, too, have felt sorry for her most of my life. My sister is now looking at a 5 year sentence in state prison. </p><p></p><p>I think Detaching is right. We all have a level of enabling that we allow. I only contribute to commissary on Christmas and her birthday. Never anything else. Where she is they have the ability to earn commissary money through different jobs. If she wants things she can earn them. ....but here is my level of enabling. When she is out and on the street, and she is usually some level of homeless, I have bought clothes, long underwear, coats, and in a code blue weather situation I have paid for 3 nights at a really crappy hotel and even had pizza delivered there. On the occasions that she has a phone and be contacted (usually when she has a pimp, sad to say) and she calls and asks to see the kids, I won't allow her to, but I will pick her up from the bus station and buy her lunch.</p><p></p><p>She isn't allowed in my home, ever. She stole from me when I opened my home to her. She isn't allowed to see the kids unless she has completed a recovery program and has maintained a period of sobriety. I will not visit in jail, the kids will NEVER see her in jail, I do not accept collect calls.</p><p></p><p>I think, as many have said, we have to love from a distance. I have the fortunate situation, here, where my sister is not mentally ill, just an addict, so she is more than capable for advocating for herself. </p><p></p><p>I think that our enabling is for us. We need it, somehow, to feel at peace. Sometimes I need to see her face to know that she is okay and alive, not really living, but alive. It gives me some peace.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Sister's Keeper, post: 679962, member: 20051"] Savior, With me it is my sister, not a child, but I'm raising her kids in the wake of her addiction. Same story, in and out of jail. Never violent crimes, always shoplifting and parole/probation violations. I, too, have felt sorry for her most of my life. My sister is now looking at a 5 year sentence in state prison. I think Detaching is right. We all have a level of enabling that we allow. I only contribute to commissary on Christmas and her birthday. Never anything else. Where she is they have the ability to earn commissary money through different jobs. If she wants things she can earn them. ....but here is my level of enabling. When she is out and on the street, and she is usually some level of homeless, I have bought clothes, long underwear, coats, and in a code blue weather situation I have paid for 3 nights at a really crappy hotel and even had pizza delivered there. On the occasions that she has a phone and be contacted (usually when she has a pimp, sad to say) and she calls and asks to see the kids, I won't allow her to, but I will pick her up from the bus station and buy her lunch. She isn't allowed in my home, ever. She stole from me when I opened my home to her. She isn't allowed to see the kids unless she has completed a recovery program and has maintained a period of sobriety. I will not visit in jail, the kids will NEVER see her in jail, I do not accept collect calls. I think, as many have said, we have to love from a distance. I have the fortunate situation, here, where my sister is not mentally ill, just an addict, so she is more than capable for advocating for herself. I think that our enabling is for us. We need it, somehow, to feel at peace. Sometimes I need to see her face to know that she is okay and alive, not really living, but alive. It gives me some peace. [/QUOTE]
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Adult son back in jail for the nth time
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