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Advice needed, In-laws again
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<blockquote data-quote="pepperidge" data-source="post: 226315" data-attributes="member: 2322"><p>Hi Toto,</p><p></p><p>Most of us have enough trouble getting on the same page with our spouses, much less our parents. </p><p></p><p>I think you have explained all that you can explain to them. You might be on the lookout for an article in one of the ladies' magazines that deals with bipolar. If you see it, it might help your mother in law. That's the kind of thing that helps my own mother.</p><p></p><p>I think that husband needs to back off discussing it with his parents. He also needs to put some limits on when/where they see your kids. This can be done in a nice way. They will think whatever they want to think about you. Too bad, so sad, it is ultimately going to be their loss as you pull back. You may just want to think about making some time for husband to spend time by himself with the inlaws. Don't know what kind of therapy you guys are dong, but it might be the most productive to have some couseling for you and husband around in law issues so you can present a united front while still preserving his relationship at least with the in laws.</p><p></p><p>One thing if it is possible is to think about some structured time with the in-laws. Is there any way you can set up a once a week visit? I'm thinking it might help K if it is a structured visit with clear parameters. It might reduce the discussion and negotiation time with the inlaws as well.</p><p></p><p>Sounds like it is not going to work to use the in laws as babysitters. That really hoovers, because we know how much we need a break. So that is something that you and husband" may need to come to terms with. It really stinks when there are no family members to help out.</p><p></p><p>I'm sorry. It is so easy for others to blame us--schools, inlaws, psychiatrists, you name it. Not to mention our little darlings as well. We just have to go on. Sorry I don't have anything better to say than that. Who would have ever thought that being a mother would just be so plain difficult and unrewarding. But it is sometimes. </p><p></p><p>Hang in there. Christmas with especially young difficult children can be so difficult. </p><p></p><p>As I watch the snow come down and down and down....I think about you escaping from Idaho, hope you are enjoying your weather at least!</p><p></p><p>Hope some part of it is enjoyable...</p><p>P.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="pepperidge, post: 226315, member: 2322"] Hi Toto, Most of us have enough trouble getting on the same page with our spouses, much less our parents. I think you have explained all that you can explain to them. You might be on the lookout for an article in one of the ladies' magazines that deals with bipolar. If you see it, it might help your mother in law. That's the kind of thing that helps my own mother. I think that husband needs to back off discussing it with his parents. He also needs to put some limits on when/where they see your kids. This can be done in a nice way. They will think whatever they want to think about you. Too bad, so sad, it is ultimately going to be their loss as you pull back. You may just want to think about making some time for husband to spend time by himself with the inlaws. Don't know what kind of therapy you guys are dong, but it might be the most productive to have some couseling for you and husband around in law issues so you can present a united front while still preserving his relationship at least with the in laws. One thing if it is possible is to think about some structured time with the in-laws. Is there any way you can set up a once a week visit? I'm thinking it might help K if it is a structured visit with clear parameters. It might reduce the discussion and negotiation time with the inlaws as well. Sounds like it is not going to work to use the in laws as babysitters. That really hoovers, because we know how much we need a break. So that is something that you and husband" may need to come to terms with. It really stinks when there are no family members to help out. I'm sorry. It is so easy for others to blame us--schools, inlaws, psychiatrists, you name it. Not to mention our little darlings as well. We just have to go on. Sorry I don't have anything better to say than that. Who would have ever thought that being a mother would just be so plain difficult and unrewarding. But it is sometimes. Hang in there. Christmas with especially young difficult children can be so difficult. As I watch the snow come down and down and down....I think about you escaping from Idaho, hope you are enjoying your weather at least! Hope some part of it is enjoyable... P. [/QUOTE]
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