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After a week or two of not so calm & forced reflection .....
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<blockquote data-quote="slsh" data-source="post: 364663" data-attributes="member: 8"><p>Linda - many hugs to you. </p><p></p><p>I understand how sad this decision is. I understand that feeling of letting your kids down. It's not in your nature to say "no" in terms of being the conductor of the teams that work with the tweedles. </p><p></p><p>I think your decision is a good thing, as hard as it is. Good not only for you, but for the tweedles and for their respective teams. I think the timing is right, especially for the various professionals involved. They need to understand that you cannot be the tweedles safety net indefinitely. It will take them time to really grasp your decision - maybe will take the entire next 2 years, but you've given them ample head's up... and I think it's a reasonable choice. Very few parents have the stamina to keep on doing the high-intensity interventions and treatment and planning into our kids' adulthood... and I couldn't agree more with- JJJ. In all our thrashing about with- the guardianship issue, at the end of the day, husband and I could not see how it would benefit or protect thank you... we could only see how it would continue to harm us and the rest of the family as we pounded our heads against the immovable object that is our son. Don't let anyone try to guilt you on that issue, Linda. It's not fair and it's absolutely *not* a reasonable expectation of you.</p><p></p><p>You may remember the first time I refused to participate. I cried for days, Linda. I felt selfish, like I was without question the worst parent in the world. It was such an alien choice for me - how could I possibly refuse? But deep down I knew it was the right choice for all of us. And having the luxury of hindsight now, Linda, it *was* the right choice. It did not harm thank you - it let him know that he had to start taking ownership of his own life, in a far more concrete way than our words ever did. It did let the team know that we had our limits and those limits had been met, after 12 very long and painful years. It was kind of a landmark moment, Linda. The beginning of that difficult detachment. Can't tell you the last 3 years have been particularly fun or that our pulling back from the day to day grind of thank you's (non) treatment provided us with any emotional protection. We still worry. But by defining the extent of our involvement, and by learning to *not* ask questions that we don't really want to know the answers to, I think we're a bit less crazed than we would have been had we continued to be involved in the minutiae of his every waking hour. </p><p></p><p>It's transition time, Linda. Not just for the tweedles, but for you and their teams. in my humble opinion, far better to get everyone accustomed to new boundaries now than for everyone to have to scramble in 2 years. </p><p></p><p>You have been and will continue to be an outstanding parent to the tweedles, hon. You've been the Energizer Bunny of warrior moms. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /> If you look back at where you were all those years ago, and all that you (*YOU*, Linda) have brought together for your kids since, the teams you've pulled together, and the challenges you've juggled along the way ... you have done a simply amazing job of parenting your kids. No shame, no guilt. </p><p></p><p>Many many gentle hugs to you. Take care of you, and be gentle to you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="slsh, post: 364663, member: 8"] Linda - many hugs to you. I understand how sad this decision is. I understand that feeling of letting your kids down. It's not in your nature to say "no" in terms of being the conductor of the teams that work with the tweedles. I think your decision is a good thing, as hard as it is. Good not only for you, but for the tweedles and for their respective teams. I think the timing is right, especially for the various professionals involved. They need to understand that you cannot be the tweedles safety net indefinitely. It will take them time to really grasp your decision - maybe will take the entire next 2 years, but you've given them ample head's up... and I think it's a reasonable choice. Very few parents have the stamina to keep on doing the high-intensity interventions and treatment and planning into our kids' adulthood... and I couldn't agree more with- JJJ. In all our thrashing about with- the guardianship issue, at the end of the day, husband and I could not see how it would benefit or protect thank you... we could only see how it would continue to harm us and the rest of the family as we pounded our heads against the immovable object that is our son. Don't let anyone try to guilt you on that issue, Linda. It's not fair and it's absolutely *not* a reasonable expectation of you. You may remember the first time I refused to participate. I cried for days, Linda. I felt selfish, like I was without question the worst parent in the world. It was such an alien choice for me - how could I possibly refuse? But deep down I knew it was the right choice for all of us. And having the luxury of hindsight now, Linda, it *was* the right choice. It did not harm thank you - it let him know that he had to start taking ownership of his own life, in a far more concrete way than our words ever did. It did let the team know that we had our limits and those limits had been met, after 12 very long and painful years. It was kind of a landmark moment, Linda. The beginning of that difficult detachment. Can't tell you the last 3 years have been particularly fun or that our pulling back from the day to day grind of thank you's (non) treatment provided us with any emotional protection. We still worry. But by defining the extent of our involvement, and by learning to *not* ask questions that we don't really want to know the answers to, I think we're a bit less crazed than we would have been had we continued to be involved in the minutiae of his every waking hour. It's transition time, Linda. Not just for the tweedles, but for you and their teams. in my humble opinion, far better to get everyone accustomed to new boundaries now than for everyone to have to scramble in 2 years. You have been and will continue to be an outstanding parent to the tweedles, hon. You've been the Energizer Bunny of warrior moms. :winking: If you look back at where you were all those years ago, and all that you (*YOU*, Linda) have brought together for your kids since, the teams you've pulled together, and the challenges you've juggled along the way ... you have done a simply amazing job of parenting your kids. No shame, no guilt. Many many gentle hugs to you. Take care of you, and be gentle to you. [/QUOTE]
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After a week or two of not so calm & forced reflection .....
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