ahh need help!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by army wife, Jul 27, 2012.

  1. army wife

    army wife New Member

    I have been trying like crazy to keep my kids on some sort of schedule here laitely but it is not working. My kids are 7 months, 2 1/2 and difficult child is 4 1/2. difficult child is driving me nuts! I love him so much but I am trying to be more orgnanized. I want the children on a daily schedule and he keeps messing it up by not being able to stay still and refusing to do almost anything, get dressed (even underwear), stop watching t.v. (I know I SHOULD have control over that but I have not gained it yet, lol) and ect. So he really needs to work more on his ABC's and drawing and his moter skills. My easy child (2 1/2 year old) is bright so I can work on the same things with the two to save some time. Anyway I have ADHD and I keep loosing track of time, I will be walking one place and forget what I am doing and long story short, it can take me 30 minutes to even start the dishes. I don't know how I need to pee, then get a drink then check on kids then something else and then it's time to make dinner and i haven't done the lunch dishes! I am in a panic. So does anyone have any advice for me at all or best of all- a schedule that I can use. And how do I get my difficult child to participate in activities and not run off. He so far only has Global developmental delays in each area and possible autism.
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    OK, please don't shoot me... but... I'm ADHD, as in, "inattentive type" not hyperactive. And grew up with no medications and no interventions. And did perfectly fine... until... I ended up married with two kids. Even before we got to the difficult child stage, it got to the point where I just couldn't keep it all together. Just TOO many interruptions!

    My solution? Got my own ADHD diagnosis... and my own ADHD medications. Made a world of difference, for everybody in the house not just me.
  3. army wife

    army wife New Member

    thank you I may try that medication. I guess my main question here is, does anyone else have their children on any sort of schedule at home?
  4. Ktllc

    Ktllc New Member

    Hey there. First of all welcome.
    I too have 3 kids close in age including a difficult child, so I know how crazy things can get.
    I don't have an actual schedule and never have. But Things happen in the same sequence everyday during weekdays. Weekends are a bit different. We wake up, watch a bit TV and I drink my coffee, then breakfast, then get dressed, then daycare or morning activity if I don't work, etc... At night, we also stick to the same sequence: dinner, bath, tv/story/quiet play, good night routine.
    More than the actual time, my difficult child likes for things to be predictable. Y happens after x.
    If your son is/might be on the spectrum, the simple fact to stop watching tv is not as easy as with other kids. So please don't blame yourself for not being successful yet. Try to give him a count down: in 10 minutes we need to turn it off, in 5 minutes, in 2 minutes, now. Mine does ok with it and I simply show him the number on my fingers. You can also make some cards and put them in front of him. I use this method quite a bit whenever V is really into an activity.

    V is a bit older than your difficult child and it is VERY hard for him to sit during teaching time. At daycare he sits but is not engaged. At home, he usually fights me because it is hard for him. I had to lower my expectation and only require 5 minutes of attention at a time. Reward him for every good answer and help him right away when he can not answer.
    Try to use lots of visual (we use sign language at home as an extra visual).
    Be easy on yourself and remember that it takes trial and error. It really takes thinking outside of the box to be successful with a difficult child. A simple game of ball is not an easy task for V. He can somewhat do it when it is two people (although he could not do it a year ago) but 3 players is still too much for him. So as you know, it can get quite crazy when there are 3 young siblings in a family of a difficult child!
    Welcome to our wonderful forum.
  5. army wife

    army wife New Member

    Thank You so much Ktllc! :) that's what I was wondering about the t.v. thing. and the same sequence is alot better than a schedule for my family I think! thanks!
  6. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Schedule, sure - but not until "I" could keep a schedule.
    Real regularity in schedule helps... breakfast at the same time DAILY, ditto for lunch and supper (although now that the kids are older, we can play supper time a bit). Bedtime routine totally consistent, and a consistent bed time.
    We had to keep the ourselves on the kids' schedule until they were well into school - babysitters could NOT substitute and be successful. Part of the bedtime routine was "parent time", and no parent meant no sleep. (Our kids were interchangeable between parents - one of us could go out, but not both.)

    But the kids' schedule doesn't help YOU get stuff done. I get most of mine done - still - after everyone else is in bed.
  7. army wife

    army wife New Member

    What type of schedule did you have for yourself?
  8. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    There was no schedule for myself. I couldn't keep organized, couldn't do anything on a schedule - because, being "typical" ADHD, I kept getting distracted and sidetracked. So, nothing got done... Hubby kept the bedtime routine really regular, because he was around, but... try to get lunch on at a regular time? really hard. I had to deal with the problem of "managing attention" (the problem that to a large extent defines the "attention" part of ADHD). For me, that meant medications. Everything else fell into place once I got the right dose of the right medications.

    If you want a good ADHD-based book, try "Driven to Distraction". (Hallowell, I think) It talks about using "habit" to avoid needing to remember... old-fashioned thinking. Laundry on Fridays, clean washrooms on Tuesdays, whatever you pick, do these "mindless" tasks at the same part of the day (morning/afternoon/evening), on the same day every week. Then after a while, you don't even think about it, you just look at the calendar and start doing... it really does help.

    But I never found anything that helped with "messy"! <grin>
  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am horrible with a schedule unless I was working and then I was pretty darned good because I wrote everything down on a desk top calendar which was sitting on my desk plus I kept it on another place too. I was the back up queen.

    At home, Im lost. I cant even remember what day it is.

    What I would suggest for you is one of those huge dry erase boards that you can mount on the wall or maybe not with kids that young. Go get a huge piece of cardboard like the kind that a fridge comes in. Draw the days of the week on it. Cut out things you need to do each day. You can write what you need to do because its not for the kids but what the kids need to do are cut out so they can see it clear as day. If it reading, cut out a picture of kids reading and coloring. If its TV time, cut out a picture of kids watching TV, if its going to bed...kids going to bed. Brushing teeth...you get the picture.

    It might help you and them.
  10. nvts

    nvts Active Member

  11. army wife

    army wife New Member

    Thank You! You all had great suggestions and helped!
  12. chloedancer

    chloedancer New Member

    I have to have a schedule I can see, and at times I use the kitchen timer to keep me on track. If you are near a base there are probably some support services that can help you.