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All of a sudden husband is
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<blockquote data-quote="dreamer" data-source="post: 174933" data-attributes="member: 1697"><p>I am wondering if maybe he must bolt so he does not backslide to drink? </p><p></p><p>I agree, it is unfair....to you, to him....to the family. I know there are times I want to grab my husband and rattle the heck outta him and SCREAM and say HEY, I miss someone holding my hand sometimes. I miss someone helping me to make a living and support us, I miss someone to sit beside mewhen a movie is on, I miss haveing someone to share my fears re our kids with....I absolutely HATE being THE one who alone sat 5 hours away at sons surgical bedside...at sam time as I was also trying to manage our girls long distance and also keep up with how husband was doing in HIS ICU bed. And I hated it even more becuz I was doing so on MY mobility scooter....</p><p>Yes, my sons eye injury was unfair to him, to me, to husband, to my daughters, it was insanely expensive and kept me out of our home for the better of 18 months. I hate difficult children bipolar becuz it kept me on edge and at odds at school and on 24-7 "on call" becuz she had nonstop crisis. Her illness has been terribly unfair to her and to all of us. PCs current pregnancy complications are unfair to her and to all of us. MY illness has been unfair to me and to all of us. </p><p>My illness required me to rethink my ideas of priorities in our home, in our day to day life, since for a time I could not do anything at all-----I had to learn to accept how my family did or did not do things, I was at their mercy. I had to face finally that while "I" run hypomanic always, my husband and kids do not. I had to experience my husband and kids limits and their level of functioning just as they had to learn to accept mine. </p><p>I htink it was MY disability and inability that finally hit it home for me just how it is not someones fault when they are struck down with any illness, be it fibromyalgia, biplar, anxiety, depression etc. And I had to learn to be fair. difficult child never chose to have bipolar. she dutifully took her medications, met with therapists, docs etc day after day after day.it is not her personal fault if things did not always work the way the professionals tried to tell us they might. My husband did not choose to be exposed to agent orange or get brain lesions or emphysema, or become schizoaffective. He did not go out and buy his combat PTSD at our local walmart. and I know I did not buy my lupus and RA and crippledness at the grocery store when I was cashing in all my coupons. The quality of life for the ill person stinks.and the quality of life for those around the ill person also changes dramatically. The beauty of haveing a significant other or family is that it is the sanctuary to go to when you are down. It is hopefully who you can go to when things get hard....BUT family members still are only human, all of us are only human, andbeing human we ALL have limits to what we can DO and what we can TAKE and what we can cope with. we all bring our collective gifts to our "family" and hopefully if we pool ALL our resources, with luck we can hopefully somehow meet everyones needs. But sometimes our expectations might need adjusting. </p><p>I often mourn for things that just are not. I want the man I married back. I want my pphysical abilities back. I want my dream children. </p><p>Likely your husband is grieving for what is no more. as in welcome toholland.he maybe has not really had a chance to catch his breathe. Asthmatics do not pick an choose when they must struggle tobreathe, and I bet your husband did not pick and choose and suddenly be overwhelmed right now on purpose. The ramifications of your illness DOES affect him.....please permit him to take care of hiimself so he can come back and take care of all of you again. Many things in life could be timed "better" when people are born, when people die, when people get preg.....but.Ihave a feeling, if you do a little planning and creative thinking, you and kt will fare just fine. AND there might even be a benefit....by being alone, the 2 of you, you might find out you CAN do better than you think.....Take a deep breathe..... You CAN do this.....you are not in an isolated remote cabin with no phones no elec, no delvery of food, (LOL) you will not be on a deserted island. you will be in your own home, with all the normal amenities....with a phone and kt and your bed etc. and you have everyone here, too. and if thevery very worst happens? (whatever it might be) you CAN call 9-1-1. If husband were home.....what exactly would be SO different? This weekend he might be able to regroup- and you might find it works out better than you expect. don't bother to make beds, who cares if you have "proper" meals, if it is anxiety causeing to bathe, well, then wait till someone else, another adult is there....</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="dreamer, post: 174933, member: 1697"] I am wondering if maybe he must bolt so he does not backslide to drink? I agree, it is unfair....to you, to him....to the family. I know there are times I want to grab my husband and rattle the heck outta him and SCREAM and say HEY, I miss someone holding my hand sometimes. I miss someone helping me to make a living and support us, I miss someone to sit beside mewhen a movie is on, I miss haveing someone to share my fears re our kids with....I absolutely HATE being THE one who alone sat 5 hours away at sons surgical bedside...at sam time as I was also trying to manage our girls long distance and also keep up with how husband was doing in HIS ICU bed. And I hated it even more becuz I was doing so on MY mobility scooter.... Yes, my sons eye injury was unfair to him, to me, to husband, to my daughters, it was insanely expensive and kept me out of our home for the better of 18 months. I hate difficult children bipolar becuz it kept me on edge and at odds at school and on 24-7 "on call" becuz she had nonstop crisis. Her illness has been terribly unfair to her and to all of us. PCs current pregnancy complications are unfair to her and to all of us. MY illness has been unfair to me and to all of us. My illness required me to rethink my ideas of priorities in our home, in our day to day life, since for a time I could not do anything at all-----I had to learn to accept how my family did or did not do things, I was at their mercy. I had to face finally that while "I" run hypomanic always, my husband and kids do not. I had to experience my husband and kids limits and their level of functioning just as they had to learn to accept mine. I htink it was MY disability and inability that finally hit it home for me just how it is not someones fault when they are struck down with any illness, be it fibromyalgia, biplar, anxiety, depression etc. And I had to learn to be fair. difficult child never chose to have bipolar. she dutifully took her medications, met with therapists, docs etc day after day after day.it is not her personal fault if things did not always work the way the professionals tried to tell us they might. My husband did not choose to be exposed to agent orange or get brain lesions or emphysema, or become schizoaffective. He did not go out and buy his combat PTSD at our local walmart. and I know I did not buy my lupus and RA and crippledness at the grocery store when I was cashing in all my coupons. The quality of life for the ill person stinks.and the quality of life for those around the ill person also changes dramatically. The beauty of haveing a significant other or family is that it is the sanctuary to go to when you are down. It is hopefully who you can go to when things get hard....BUT family members still are only human, all of us are only human, andbeing human we ALL have limits to what we can DO and what we can TAKE and what we can cope with. we all bring our collective gifts to our "family" and hopefully if we pool ALL our resources, with luck we can hopefully somehow meet everyones needs. But sometimes our expectations might need adjusting. I often mourn for things that just are not. I want the man I married back. I want my pphysical abilities back. I want my dream children. Likely your husband is grieving for what is no more. as in welcome toholland.he maybe has not really had a chance to catch his breathe. Asthmatics do not pick an choose when they must struggle tobreathe, and I bet your husband did not pick and choose and suddenly be overwhelmed right now on purpose. The ramifications of your illness DOES affect him.....please permit him to take care of hiimself so he can come back and take care of all of you again. Many things in life could be timed "better" when people are born, when people die, when people get preg.....but.Ihave a feeling, if you do a little planning and creative thinking, you and kt will fare just fine. AND there might even be a benefit....by being alone, the 2 of you, you might find out you CAN do better than you think.....Take a deep breathe..... You CAN do this.....you are not in an isolated remote cabin with no phones no elec, no delvery of food, (LOL) you will not be on a deserted island. you will be in your own home, with all the normal amenities....with a phone and kt and your bed etc. and you have everyone here, too. and if thevery very worst happens? (whatever it might be) you CAN call 9-1-1. If husband were home.....what exactly would be SO different? This weekend he might be able to regroup- and you might find it works out better than you expect. don't bother to make beds, who cares if you have "proper" meals, if it is anxiety causeing to bathe, well, then wait till someone else, another adult is there.... [/QUOTE]
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