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Substance Abuse
Allow cigarettes for teen?
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<blockquote data-quote="mrsammler" data-source="post: 496710"><p>"I have heard tons of "MOM, if you don't let me do this, I don't think I'll make it" ultimatums."</p><p></p><p>I think that's a central consideration here--would you be willing to bend on this issue if it weren't presented to you as a dire ultimatum? The answer is probably "No"--i.e., the only reason you're even considering it is that you're being held at a kind of emotional gunpoint: bend on this or I'll go over the falls in more important ways. So it really comes down to the extent to which you want to send the message "I will bend on things I care deeply about if you frighten me enough with the threat that you'll harm yourself via relapse." I'm not sure that's a message I'd want to send.</p><p></p><p>I grant the oft-stated "pick your battles" argument. You hear it a LOT in literature/advice about dealing with difficult children. But my experience, directly and observationally, is that it's a very slippery slope and not always good advice: we all know that, with almost all difficult children, small concessions are usually regarded as signs of weak resolve and then exploited for larger concessions, and then chaos takes over. If you don't want him to smoke and it's illegal for him to smoke, you have every right to forbid him smoking. If he says that he'll go haywire and relapse if he can't smoke, he is really saying "I'll go haywire and relapse if I don't get my way." *He* needs to be accountable for that potential decision and outcome, not *you*.</p><p></p><p>Just my .02...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="mrsammler, post: 496710"] "I have heard tons of "MOM, if you don't let me do this, I don't think I'll make it" ultimatums." I think that's a central consideration here--would you be willing to bend on this issue if it weren't presented to you as a dire ultimatum? The answer is probably "No"--i.e., the only reason you're even considering it is that you're being held at a kind of emotional gunpoint: bend on this or I'll go over the falls in more important ways. So it really comes down to the extent to which you want to send the message "I will bend on things I care deeply about if you frighten me enough with the threat that you'll harm yourself via relapse." I'm not sure that's a message I'd want to send. I grant the oft-stated "pick your battles" argument. You hear it a LOT in literature/advice about dealing with difficult children. But my experience, directly and observationally, is that it's a very slippery slope and not always good advice: we all know that, with almost all difficult children, small concessions are usually regarded as signs of weak resolve and then exploited for larger concessions, and then chaos takes over. If you don't want him to smoke and it's illegal for him to smoke, you have every right to forbid him smoking. If he says that he'll go haywire and relapse if he can't smoke, he is really saying "I'll go haywire and relapse if I don't get my way." *He* needs to be accountable for that potential decision and outcome, not *you*. Just my .02... [/QUOTE]
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