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Substance Abuse
Almost ready to kick him out
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<blockquote data-quote="HereWeGoAgain" data-source="post: 188619" data-attributes="member: 3485"><p>Wow - several new folks all at once! Welcome!</p><p></p><p>I am sorry that I don't have more answers, having not experienced the threats and violence. I can however understand and perhaps offer some encouragement and advice with respect to kicking out, whather it is right to do so and call the police, etc. And I would say, ABSOLUTELY yes it is the right thing to do. You've seen that all ordinary and extraordinary means have failed, and that the situation with the difficult child (difficult child stands for "gift from God", and is the forum shorthand for the child that brought you here) disrupting and threatening is intolerable. So there is really no other choice. No one else can change difficult child's behavior; he simply has a hole where a conscience or empathy for others should be; the only one who can change him is himself. Maybe he will someday -- about 50% eventually cease the behaviors and manage to function in society, I've read -- or maybe he won't, but you've done all you can and must SAVE YOURSELF AND THE REST OF YOUR FAMILY, and let difficult child face the adult world on his own. You will have critics among friends and family, but they don't know what they're talking about. (We found that letting difficult child stay with relatives who thought they knew how to handle her changed their point of view pretty quickly, though it did not do her any good.) </p><p></p><p>I know all about begging and sobbing to come back home "just for a few days" when they get kicked out of (ex-)friends' places, or get out of detox, or are released from jail; and making promises that aren't kept about this time following the rules and contributing their fair share. Doesn't work. Like you say, big mistake -- but one everybody here has made, some of us many times. In my case difficult child is 28 and has been doing this for ten years -- all I can say is please don't throw away ten years on trying to get difficult child to fly right. Only one person can help him and it won't happen until that person is the ONLY ONE left TO help -- and that one person is difficult child himself.</p><p></p><p>Best of luck to you all, and know that our thoughts and prayers are with you and that we do understand. Keep us posted.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="HereWeGoAgain, post: 188619, member: 3485"] Wow - several new folks all at once! Welcome! I am sorry that I don't have more answers, having not experienced the threats and violence. I can however understand and perhaps offer some encouragement and advice with respect to kicking out, whather it is right to do so and call the police, etc. And I would say, ABSOLUTELY yes it is the right thing to do. You've seen that all ordinary and extraordinary means have failed, and that the situation with the difficult child (difficult child stands for "gift from God", and is the forum shorthand for the child that brought you here) disrupting and threatening is intolerable. So there is really no other choice. No one else can change difficult child's behavior; he simply has a hole where a conscience or empathy for others should be; the only one who can change him is himself. Maybe he will someday -- about 50% eventually cease the behaviors and manage to function in society, I've read -- or maybe he won't, but you've done all you can and must SAVE YOURSELF AND THE REST OF YOUR FAMILY, and let difficult child face the adult world on his own. You will have critics among friends and family, but they don't know what they're talking about. (We found that letting difficult child stay with relatives who thought they knew how to handle her changed their point of view pretty quickly, though it did not do her any good.) I know all about begging and sobbing to come back home "just for a few days" when they get kicked out of (ex-)friends' places, or get out of detox, or are released from jail; and making promises that aren't kept about this time following the rules and contributing their fair share. Doesn't work. Like you say, big mistake -- but one everybody here has made, some of us many times. In my case difficult child is 28 and has been doing this for ten years -- all I can say is please don't throw away ten years on trying to get difficult child to fly right. Only one person can help him and it won't happen until that person is the ONLY ONE left TO help -- and that one person is difficult child himself. Best of luck to you all, and know that our thoughts and prayers are with you and that we do understand. Keep us posted. [/QUOTE]
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