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Am drowning deeper
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<blockquote data-quote="aeroeng" data-source="post: 282772" data-attributes="member: 6557"><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #000000">I would not pay for college until he proves he will put the effort in to make your money worth while. He must also start treating you with respect. At this point ODD or not he is still responsible for his life, and you need to focus on yours as well. I would give him a time line and a set of requirements. Before you pay for college you need him to demonstrate a minimal level of responsibility. You are not going to pay for four years of party time. Develop some way he can demonstrate the responsibility like obtaining and maintaining a summer job (paid or voluntary), you should also insist on visits to the counselor or other doctors as a requirement. If he does go to school there needs to be a set of grade requirements as well. If you are paying you demand to see them.</span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #000000">If his problems are due to mental illnesses he is still the one responsible for his life. This would include the willingness to work with professionals.</span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #000000">If he does not full file the requirements for college then you need to refuse to pay for it! Then you need to set the rules for living in the house. This includes respect for everyone else and everyone's property, (including your walls). You need to make sure he goes under some sort of treatment, and probably hold a job and pay rent. Be reasonable, help him look, and possibly help him find a place he can live on his own. If he refuses to participate or change, then take him to the local homeless shelter and change the locks on the door. If he ever packs the bags and leaves again, he should come back to drawn dead bolts. </span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #000000">Also you need to let him know that if you ever find any drugs or drug paraphernalia, you will cut off his college funds and kick him out of the house. To do this requires that you have the ability to detach from the situation. Something that is very difficult to do. But letting him threaten and sponge off you will not help him mature. It will only tear everyone else down. Good luck it is a difficult place that you are in.</span></span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="aeroeng, post: 282772, member: 6557"] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3][COLOR=#000000]I would not pay for college until he proves he will put the effort in to make your money worth while. He must also start treating you with respect. At this point ODD or not he is still responsible for his life, and you need to focus on yours as well. I would give him a time line and a set of requirements. Before you pay for college you need him to demonstrate a minimal level of responsibility. You are not going to pay for four years of party time. Develop some way he can demonstrate the responsibility like obtaining and maintaining a summer job (paid or voluntary), you should also insist on visits to the counselor or other doctors as a requirement. If he does go to school there needs to be a set of grade requirements as well. If you are paying you demand to see them.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3][COLOR=#000000] [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3][COLOR=#000000]If his problems are due to mental illnesses he is still the one responsible for his life. This would include the willingness to work with professionals.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3][COLOR=#000000] [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3][COLOR=#000000]If he does not full file the requirements for college then you need to refuse to pay for it! Then you need to set the rules for living in the house. This includes respect for everyone else and everyone's property, (including your walls). You need to make sure he goes under some sort of treatment, and probably hold a job and pay rent. Be reasonable, help him look, and possibly help him find a place he can live on his own. If he refuses to participate or change, then take him to the local homeless shelter and change the locks on the door. If he ever packs the bags and leaves again, he should come back to drawn dead bolts. [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3][COLOR=#000000] [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3][COLOR=#000000]Also you need to let him know that if you ever find any drugs or drug paraphernalia, you will cut off his college funds and kick him out of the house. To do this requires that you have the ability to detach from the situation. Something that is very difficult to do. But letting him threaten and sponge off you will not help him mature. It will only tear everyone else down. Good luck it is a difficult place that you are in.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [/QUOTE]
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