An interesting sidebar....

[Shari]

easy child 1's girlfriend is an education major. She has started her student teaching in our district. Only recently has she divulged that she has a connection to Wee.

We live in a very small community, and the rumor-mill has run rampant with Wee stories, most that came from the first couple of worthless aids he had in this district. I've heard stories on the streets more than once about my son and filed reports about it. I haven't heard any for a while now, but...there's the history.

Anyway, easy child 1's girlfriend was meeting with a small group of elementary teachers, one of which had Wee in her classroom previously. This particular teacher tried very hard to learn about Wee and incorporate things for him in the reg ed classroom. I commended her, even then, on her efforts. easy child 1's girlfriend was talking to this lady about Wee, and had told her the "connection" to us. Another teacher said, in disbelief, "You mean THE Wee's mom? WEE Wee? THE WEE?" (not using his last name, but emphasis on his first name... She said she was all calm and non-chalant about it, and said yes, Wee would be her brother in law by this time next year, and he was no big deal.

Many times, I would just like to move away.

 

[DDD]

I, too, lust for the urban life where most people are strangers! Small towns are for easy child's. LOL DDD

 

[InsaneCdn]

And I, stuck in the urban jungle... have this idyllic picture of a small town as a place where everybody looks out for everybody else and nobody gets left out...

We can't afford to move that far away from the resources we've spent 10 years finding... so we're stuck in the big city.
Where... the exact same thing happens.

Trust me.

The problem isn't the setting - the problem is human nature.
And I haven't found a way around THAT one yet.

If you do, please let me know.

 

[buddy]

insane is right...i live in a huge suburb of huge cities. grew up in the big huge city. They have little neighborhoods that are just the same as a small town only you can look into your neighbors window from your own bedroom...sigh. I am shocked at the mouth running people do and it is what makes me not be part of the IN-crowd at some of my jobs, I refuse to gossip. I always take parent positions when it comes to privacy and their advocating for their child. not that I always agree-heck that is the point of a team...to share honest differences of opinions...BUT I will always stick up for a parent who stands up for their kid. Don't always make friends with admin that way. I hate hearing about my kid thru the grapevine...just plain s*cks.

 

[Shari]

Oh yeah, everyone looks out for everyone else - so they can run and tell the stories first! lol

I just hope her connection to us doesn't impede any possible future there. It very well might.

The first year Wee attended school here, he had a worthless aid, and better-than-the-other-one aid. Worthless aid's brother fathered a child with sped dir's daughter, that sped dir proceeded to raise without allowing the father and his family much, if any, contact or input. And, of course, worthless aid's brother is in community service profession, with Wee's bio-dad's family, and also easy child 1, so worthless aid's brother is around our family quite a bit...then there's the fact that sped dir is related to bio-dad's family, anyway... You can't escape them. I've stopped trying. If I do something worthy of the grapevine, I just put it on facebook myself...

There's good and bad about both. Bad being that is literally impossible to escape the scrutiny when literally everyone knows you. The good being that there's a lot of people in this little community that know our story and love us, anyway. And while, like D3, I fantasize about anonymity, I wouldn't trade this. If I got in a pickle and had to have someone drive half way across the country to pick me up or wire me money for bus fare, I know I could call several people who would do it in a heartbeat (as I would for them). Can't put a price on that.

(sped dir and worthless aid would not come get us...lol)

 

[Marguerite]

She should be able t use the Wee connection in her favour. "If I can cope with this kid, I can handle any other problem you throw at me."

We also live in a small village where everyone knows everyone else. One of the teachers we had most trouble with, was someone who was an old friend of mine from before either of us had kids. I knew her through church, through community musical/dramatic events. Then she was assigned to teach difficult child 3, and we had problems. Seriously adding to those problems, was her having her own son in her own class, and he was also one of the kids bullying difficult child 3. My boy had so many detentions that year, as well as some very idiotic statements from a friend and teacher who should have known us better. This was the year that a note came home from the teacher telling me we needed to teach difficult child 3 to NOT call other kids "f@%%@t retard" because he would never make friends if he called other kids such names. I wrote back pointing out that she knew our family well, knew that difficult child 3 did not learn such phrases in our home but that if she examined the bad words, she would realise that difficult child 3 had in fact heard them at school, applied to himself first. She needed to find out who difficult child 3 said those words to, then question that boy as to why he had called difficult child 3 that nasty term. The "retard" label was often used by the bullies towards difficult child 3. It was not a term that the kids applied to each other at all, only to difficult child 3.

Small towns can be a hassle, but we have carved out niche here and now that our kids are older, we once more are respected. Including difficult child 3. But only by those people whose opinions we value. And the others don't matter.

When the other families who currently sneer and gossip about your child have their own precious darlings reach their teens and begin drugging, whoring and stealing, and Wee does not - that is when you will find a new respect for you and your family, even in a very small village.

Chin up, Shari. It is okay. Opinions and gossip don't matter, but you can use them as a tool - keep your ear to the ground and stay in touch with what people are saying, it can help you head off trouble at the pass. But don't confide in anyone, anything you don't want to hear coming back. I had to pull my head in a long way and stop telling anyone anything for years.

Marg

 

[Steely]

UGH!!! I lived in Dallas and it happened...our whole neighborhood knew *matt* and talked in great zeal about how horrible he was. I found it hard to walk down the street. BUT I could go out of our neighborhood and be anonymous. Then I moved to a small town without Matt, and was horrified at the rumor mill. It was almost incestuous. I could not imagine if I had raised Matt in that small of a town, it would have affected my work as well as my personal life. In Dallas it just affected my personal life.

Many (((HUGS))).............

 

[erbaledge]

Shari - I can understand your frustration. I would hate that type of rumor-ville living.

I agree with- InsaneCdn. We live in an urban city; the education system for difficult child's is severly lacking in overall effectiveness. I've considered a more rural/small town surrounding. While I think that may help a difficult child's education as they may get more 1-on-1, more understanding, etc; a difficult child on the flip-side could be bullied more (less peers to blend in with). For us, the big downfall to rural/small town - the lack of services available.

Why can't we all have our cake and eat it to? I vote for effective schooling/education, overall acceptance, readily available mental health services incl psychiatric/neuro/therapist/pharm/hospital.

 

[AnnieO]

I live in a medium-sized city, which is a suburb to a medium-large city.

Everyone knows Onyxx. From the police chief on down to some of the kids in the other middle school - the one Jett does not attend.

They hear the last name, and , "OH! Are you related to Onyxx?"

She's been living with us since July 2007 (well, with FM since this June, so 4 years). Jett is in 7th grade now, which is the grade Onyxx was in when they came to live with us. He has some of the same teachers, same principal, same vice principal.

He is inevitably compared to Onyxx and found lacking... Or "He's always such a happy child! How long has he lived with Onyxx?" (UHHHH, his WHOLE LIFE! And no one, but NO ONE is always happy...)

We have 5 elementaries, 2 middle schools & a high school... And our last name is scary there.

 

[Shari]

The police here know us, also, but going to them last year was one of the bestest things I've ever done. Honestly, I think they are on Wee's side...the Chief made a point to talk to the incoming principal about Wee, and said he told her there is no need to create situations with Wee, then let me know he did it.

Going to them was done by accident, but it turned out to be one really positive move. I see Chief all the time, and he truly is interested in Wee's progress.