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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 641852" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>On your brother.</p><p></p><p>If he decides daughter can't live there, it is his decision and he can decide it's not working out. Why would you try to guilt him into continuing to do it? He will probably just get angry and you'll lose your argument and cause both of you angst, hard feelings, and nothing will change. Nothing. Other than you will again work yourself up to a frenzy. It is worth it to practice accepting others decisions, even if you don't like them or agree with them or think they are fair. It only hurts YOU and YOUR HEALTH, which isn't good, to get worked up. That is not a good thing to do. Calm, calm, calm. Practice meditation...was very helpful for high-strung me! I used to over-react like you do. I learned how harmful this is to me so I practiced another way of reacting. Can't say I never slip, but I do catch myself and tell myself "Calm, calm...this explosion is NOT working for anyone...calm down or nobody will take you seriously and you will get sick. CALM!" I repeat "calm" in my head.</p><p></p><p>Daughter is going to have to find where to live if Brother changes his mind, which is his right. She is an adult now. Or you will have to bring her back home, if you feel you can't let her try on her own, and put yourself right back where you were before.</p><p></p><p>That is your decision. Your brother AND you are no longer responsible for your grown daughter. She is responsible for herself. Many difficult children burn out all their relatives by acting like a difficult child...that's why so many are homeless. I would not take on brother. It is not worth your energy or strength. Bet you get your heart rate going just thinking about a confrontation with Brother if hs changes his mind. Remind yourself, even if you don't think he is very nice or very fair, that it is his home, his castle, and he gets to choose who lives there and for how long. You have the same choice in your castle. We all do.</p><p></p><p>Don't waste your time. This is not a battle you can win.</p><p></p><p>This is really your daughter's fight. She is the one who has to change for others to welcome her into their homes. Or they won't. And she WILL end up homeless. She needs to learn to follow society's rules, not attack people, not become violent, not do drugs. Counseling is there for all of us, her included. It is hard work. It can be done.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 641852, member: 1550"] On your brother. If he decides daughter can't live there, it is his decision and he can decide it's not working out. Why would you try to guilt him into continuing to do it? He will probably just get angry and you'll lose your argument and cause both of you angst, hard feelings, and nothing will change. Nothing. Other than you will again work yourself up to a frenzy. It is worth it to practice accepting others decisions, even if you don't like them or agree with them or think they are fair. It only hurts YOU and YOUR HEALTH, which isn't good, to get worked up. That is not a good thing to do. Calm, calm, calm. Practice meditation...was very helpful for high-strung me! I used to over-react like you do. I learned how harmful this is to me so I practiced another way of reacting. Can't say I never slip, but I do catch myself and tell myself "Calm, calm...this explosion is NOT working for anyone...calm down or nobody will take you seriously and you will get sick. CALM!" I repeat "calm" in my head. Daughter is going to have to find where to live if Brother changes his mind, which is his right. She is an adult now. Or you will have to bring her back home, if you feel you can't let her try on her own, and put yourself right back where you were before. That is your decision. Your brother AND you are no longer responsible for your grown daughter. She is responsible for herself. Many difficult children burn out all their relatives by acting like a difficult child...that's why so many are homeless. I would not take on brother. It is not worth your energy or strength. Bet you get your heart rate going just thinking about a confrontation with Brother if hs changes his mind. Remind yourself, even if you don't think he is very nice or very fair, that it is his home, his castle, and he gets to choose who lives there and for how long. You have the same choice in your castle. We all do. Don't waste your time. This is not a battle you can win. This is really your daughter's fight. She is the one who has to change for others to welcome her into their homes. Or they won't. And she WILL end up homeless. She needs to learn to follow society's rules, not attack people, not become violent, not do drugs. Counseling is there for all of us, her included. It is hard work. It can be done. [/QUOTE]
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