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<blockquote data-quote="so ready to live" data-source="post: 701155" data-attributes="member: 20054">Hi Lil.&nbsp; So sorry for your pain.I do think that Kalahou's reminder of FOG is so valid.&nbsp;&nbsp; Most everything we ever did for our son was out of fear.&nbsp; It's the &quot;what will happen if I don't&quot; that kept me awake at night.&nbsp; We had a psychiatrist tell us years ago that &quot;just so you know, this may not end well&quot;&nbsp; I never forgot that, but I didn't grasp it until this last year.&nbsp; Once I accepted that reality, although I know it sounds defeatist,&nbsp; I got better.&nbsp; Our son didn't.&nbsp; But, as we have discussed here before,&nbsp; he certainly has not gotten worse without our help.&nbsp; It helped me to know that it was disrespectful to him to keep assisting-virtually saying &quot;I know you can't figure this out yourself, so mom will help again&quot;.&nbsp; I tried so hard to affirm his abilities as a child and then as an adult I affirm his inabilities?&nbsp; Doesn't make sense, but none of this does.&nbsp; You can only do what you can live with today but don't be too hard on yourself.&nbsp; You'll get better too, it takes time.&nbsp; Prayers.</blockquote>

[QUOTE="so ready to live, post: 701155, member: 20054"] Hi Lil. So sorry for your pain. I do think that Kalahou's reminder of FOG is so valid. Most everything we ever did for our son was out of fear. It's the "what will happen if I don't" that kept me awake at night. We had a psychiatrist tell us years ago that "just so you know, this may not end well" I never forgot that, but I didn't grasp it until this last year. Once I accepted that reality, although I know it sounds defeatist, I got better. Our son didn't. But, as we have discussed here before, he certainly has not gotten worse without our help. It helped me to know that it was disrespectful to him to keep assisting-virtually saying "I know you can't figure this out yourself, so mom will help again". I tried so hard to affirm his abilities as a child and then as an adult I affirm his inabilities? Doesn't make sense, but none of this does. You can only do what you can live with today but don't be too hard on yourself. You'll get better too, it takes time. Prayers. [/QUOTE]

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