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Angry negative 19 year old son
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 608882" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>SaddestParent, welcome. I am sorry you are struggling with your son.</p><p></p><p>I would also suggest you put your post on Parent Emerius, that is the forum for adult age kids who we struggle with.</p><p></p><p>There is an article at the bottom of my post here on detachment, you may find it helpful. </p><p></p><p>As the others have mentioned, with adult kids, there is little we can do to force them to do what we want them to or what may in fact be in their best interests. It is up to them. Letting go of that perceived control is a very difficult concept for us parents to really understand.........we worry, fret, suffer enormous anxiety, guilt, fear and sorrow trying to control our kid's choices, emotions, futures and almost every facet of their lives. We can't do it. Your son is an adult. It would be wonderful if he sought help for his anxiety, but he isn't. There isn't much you can do about it.</p><p></p><p>This situation is robbing you of your own life, your own joy, your own sense of peace. You DO have control over that. Your daughter and the new baby deserve your presence and your worry over your son prohibits that. You have complete control over your responses to your son's choices. Although it certainly feels as if we couldn't possibly be happy as long as our kids are acting out and unhappy, <u><em>that is not the truth</em></u>, we can be happy, it is a choice we make. However, where our kids are concerned, that choice becomes very hard indeed. Often, the only way we can begin the process of detachment and acceptance is to get professional help. For me, that meant A LOT of professional help as I was quite tied in to my daughter's choices and enabling her.</p><p></p><p>Since your son does have issues, you may find support in NAMI which is the National Alliance on Mental Illness. You can access them online, they have chapters everywhere and they offer excellent classes and support for parents. </p><p></p><p>Whatever the source of the support you receive, in my opinion, to get you out of this cycle, you will need some form of outside, professional help to regain your life. You deserve to be happy and have a peaceful life which is not negatively impacted by every choice or feeling your son has or doesn't have. He is an adult male about to enter the police academy. Whatever happens now is a result of his behavior or choice. You can't control that, or fix it. He is the captain of his ship now, not you.</p><p></p><p>Keep posting it helps. Focus on YOU now. Get yourself support. Be kind to yourself, this is hard. I wish you peace and calm seas as you move ahead..........</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 608882, member: 13542"] SaddestParent, welcome. I am sorry you are struggling with your son. I would also suggest you put your post on Parent Emerius, that is the forum for adult age kids who we struggle with. There is an article at the bottom of my post here on detachment, you may find it helpful. As the others have mentioned, with adult kids, there is little we can do to force them to do what we want them to or what may in fact be in their best interests. It is up to them. Letting go of that perceived control is a very difficult concept for us parents to really understand.........we worry, fret, suffer enormous anxiety, guilt, fear and sorrow trying to control our kid's choices, emotions, futures and almost every facet of their lives. We can't do it. Your son is an adult. It would be wonderful if he sought help for his anxiety, but he isn't. There isn't much you can do about it. This situation is robbing you of your own life, your own joy, your own sense of peace. You DO have control over that. Your daughter and the new baby deserve your presence and your worry over your son prohibits that. You have complete control over your responses to your son's choices. Although it certainly feels as if we couldn't possibly be happy as long as our kids are acting out and unhappy, [U][I]that is not the truth[/I][/U], we can be happy, it is a choice we make. However, where our kids are concerned, that choice becomes very hard indeed. Often, the only way we can begin the process of detachment and acceptance is to get professional help. For me, that meant A LOT of professional help as I was quite tied in to my daughter's choices and enabling her. Since your son does have issues, you may find support in NAMI which is the National Alliance on Mental Illness. You can access them online, they have chapters everywhere and they offer excellent classes and support for parents. Whatever the source of the support you receive, in my opinion, to get you out of this cycle, you will need some form of outside, professional help to regain your life. You deserve to be happy and have a peaceful life which is not negatively impacted by every choice or feeling your son has or doesn't have. He is an adult male about to enter the police academy. Whatever happens now is a result of his behavior or choice. You can't control that, or fix it. He is the captain of his ship now, not you. Keep posting it helps. Focus on YOU now. Get yourself support. Be kind to yourself, this is hard. I wish you peace and calm seas as you move ahead.......... [/QUOTE]
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