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Another "ah-ha" moment in the husband saga
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 428586" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Shari, </p><p> </p><p>I don't think she's any 'class' of anything. I think she's a bully. I spent years and years trying to figure out the whats and whys of my x's dysfunctional Mother because of the things he did to me and my son. I'll tell you this much; it's not worth it. I can tell you this; in the end she got exactly what she preached. All the years of cramming the philosphy of 'no police will be called' no matter how badly things got, and 'keep your mouth shut' no matter how many broken bones or stitches were required to be had, or how much injustice there was? It was FAMILY business, and we didn't need ANY outsiders sticking their nose in our business. One of the worst beatings I ever got from her son left me unconscious for hours, and battered beyond recognition. When I did come to? I made my way with my infant son to a friends house barely able to see, and then to the ER room where I left several times afraid for my life. On the third return I passed out, was put into ICU, and eventually was to be put in a room, but left the hospital AMA. I walked to the friends house, and made my way back home where my xmil was soon to storm in my house raving, screaming and as I turned to face her? Just the swelling, bruises and broken bones - for the first time in my life of knowing her shut her mouth. Three years and she finally shut her mouth. My xsil stormed in to, of course tell me off, and left throwing up after seeing what her wonderful brother had done for $20.00 cash that I had put back for diapers and milk for son. </p><p> </p><p>Three days later? She was begging me from three states away to come back to her son and work it out because he was suicidal. HE was suicidal. She was crying, and sobbing, and pleading. Like and idiot? I did. Two days later I was standing outside on her porch and overheard a conversation she had with her girlfriends where she reinacted her sobbing and crying and conversation with me on the phone and said "Yeah I'm good like that I got that dumb little so n so to come running back (snap) and there she was - I'm good. I'm better than good...All I know is I don't have to babysit my son anymore - that's HER job." </p><p> </p><p>Well - after that? I had a WHOLE new outlook on my wonderful, hugging, loving, I'm only here for you, let me help you, no one helps me, I'm all alone, my kids don't love me - wha wha wha, mother in law. I used to feel sorry for her, I used to wonder why her kids treated her like poo, then jumped whenever she shook a stick - it made no sense whatsoever. It was like they loved her/hated her and feared her but never did anything for her truly out of love - just out of OM if I don't do it? I'll never hear the end of her moaning and wailing. I was taught to do things for your parents out of respect, love and caring. There was NONE of that for her. In the beginning I used to feel sorry for her. By the time her own children ran her over with her own car and no one called the police and NO one went to jail and she stayed in a coma for weeks until they pulled the plug and even her NEIGHBORS swore they saw it happen out of fear of the family and her legacy? I felt nothing but - she got what she asked for. Not deserved but asked for. And the same stuff that yo uare going through? I went through. Mommy first. Always. </p><p> </p><p>Like I said - She was a bully - a master manipulator, a drama queen, and she lived to make other people miserable because she herself was the most miserable person I ever knew - but had quite a few people buffaloed. At one point she even told her kids to make them 'jealous' she was putting me in charge of her funeral arangements. This was after the incident above. So I told her if she did? I'd make sure that she was laid out in her casket face down, knees folded under her chest and butt up and I'd put her favorite yellow roses in the crack of her kiester and leave a sign next to the vault that said - I asked for this so the WHOLE world would know I felt they owed me a kiss on the A.@@. And i meant it too. After that? I got dropped completely from the FUNeral plans. (nothing FUN about that) </p><p> </p><p>As far as your husband's relationship with his parents? Not your problem. It's his. Yeah I know you're sitting there going - well no, really it's mine because I'm married to him = mmmmmmm neah. No not. Your problem is your marriage and your marriage is to him. HIS problem is that he is SOoooooooo worried about pleasing his Mother and Father for (insert whatever reason) that it's ruining HIS marriage. THAT? Is HIS problem. You can't fix that. Only he can fix that. And either he's working on it - or he's not. To me? Telling her he's NOT got the time to talk? A step in the right direction. Not the answer YOU were looking for - Not the answer I would want - I'd want him to say (well I can't type that here - and Mothers every where would be like - OH STAR MY WORD) but other than them? You'd be like - RIGHT ON!!!! POWER TO THE PEOPLE. Basically - all he would have had to do is just NOT pick up the phone right? Okay - but then there is that ONE call that could have been - Barns on fire, Dad had a heart attack - so you have to give him the first one.....but it could have been the second or third or - see? So in his mind? He's going to have to work this out with her - and that takes time......and well - she's a BULLY - and bullies aren't used to being told what to do - so right now - he has to find out WHAT it is that makes HER tick - and that takes time too - there IS something - he just has to find out what it is that HE has - that if he takes it away from her? SHE will be wanting it - and HE flips the tables and has the power and then they can work on sharing ----</p><p> </p><p>That's not easy. Takes time - and in the mean time? he has a wife. Sooooooooo It's tricky. But You can't fight this one for him. You could - It' be quicker - for sure. But if you want to COMPLETELY emasculate him and ruin your marriage? Tell him what to do - then it'll be over and done. (my best guess). If not? Hang on - be patient let him work it out with her, gain his respect back - and find his place and put her in hers. Then I think you'll see a different man. (my best guess) Just hard to do when you have a force like her running everyones show and life - because she doesn't know how to run her own. (ahhhhhhh there's the rub) </p><p> </p><p>Hugs</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 428586, member: 4964"] Shari, I don't think she's any 'class' of anything. I think she's a bully. I spent years and years trying to figure out the whats and whys of my x's dysfunctional Mother because of the things he did to me and my son. I'll tell you this much; it's not worth it. I can tell you this; in the end she got exactly what she preached. All the years of cramming the philosphy of 'no police will be called' no matter how badly things got, and 'keep your mouth shut' no matter how many broken bones or stitches were required to be had, or how much injustice there was? It was FAMILY business, and we didn't need ANY outsiders sticking their nose in our business. One of the worst beatings I ever got from her son left me unconscious for hours, and battered beyond recognition. When I did come to? I made my way with my infant son to a friends house barely able to see, and then to the ER room where I left several times afraid for my life. On the third return I passed out, was put into ICU, and eventually was to be put in a room, but left the hospital AMA. I walked to the friends house, and made my way back home where my xmil was soon to storm in my house raving, screaming and as I turned to face her? Just the swelling, bruises and broken bones - for the first time in my life of knowing her shut her mouth. Three years and she finally shut her mouth. My xsil stormed in to, of course tell me off, and left throwing up after seeing what her wonderful brother had done for $20.00 cash that I had put back for diapers and milk for son. Three days later? She was begging me from three states away to come back to her son and work it out because he was suicidal. HE was suicidal. She was crying, and sobbing, and pleading. Like and idiot? I did. Two days later I was standing outside on her porch and overheard a conversation she had with her girlfriends where she reinacted her sobbing and crying and conversation with me on the phone and said "Yeah I'm good like that I got that dumb little so n so to come running back (snap) and there she was - I'm good. I'm better than good...All I know is I don't have to babysit my son anymore - that's HER job." Well - after that? I had a WHOLE new outlook on my wonderful, hugging, loving, I'm only here for you, let me help you, no one helps me, I'm all alone, my kids don't love me - wha wha wha, mother in law. I used to feel sorry for her, I used to wonder why her kids treated her like poo, then jumped whenever she shook a stick - it made no sense whatsoever. It was like they loved her/hated her and feared her but never did anything for her truly out of love - just out of OM if I don't do it? I'll never hear the end of her moaning and wailing. I was taught to do things for your parents out of respect, love and caring. There was NONE of that for her. In the beginning I used to feel sorry for her. By the time her own children ran her over with her own car and no one called the police and NO one went to jail and she stayed in a coma for weeks until they pulled the plug and even her NEIGHBORS swore they saw it happen out of fear of the family and her legacy? I felt nothing but - she got what she asked for. Not deserved but asked for. And the same stuff that yo uare going through? I went through. Mommy first. Always. Like I said - She was a bully - a master manipulator, a drama queen, and she lived to make other people miserable because she herself was the most miserable person I ever knew - but had quite a few people buffaloed. At one point she even told her kids to make them 'jealous' she was putting me in charge of her funeral arangements. This was after the incident above. So I told her if she did? I'd make sure that she was laid out in her casket face down, knees folded under her chest and butt up and I'd put her favorite yellow roses in the crack of her kiester and leave a sign next to the vault that said - I asked for this so the WHOLE world would know I felt they owed me a kiss on the A.@@. And i meant it too. After that? I got dropped completely from the FUNeral plans. (nothing FUN about that) As far as your husband's relationship with his parents? Not your problem. It's his. Yeah I know you're sitting there going - well no, really it's mine because I'm married to him = mmmmmmm neah. No not. Your problem is your marriage and your marriage is to him. HIS problem is that he is SOoooooooo worried about pleasing his Mother and Father for (insert whatever reason) that it's ruining HIS marriage. THAT? Is HIS problem. You can't fix that. Only he can fix that. And either he's working on it - or he's not. To me? Telling her he's NOT got the time to talk? A step in the right direction. Not the answer YOU were looking for - Not the answer I would want - I'd want him to say (well I can't type that here - and Mothers every where would be like - OH STAR MY WORD) but other than them? You'd be like - RIGHT ON!!!! POWER TO THE PEOPLE. Basically - all he would have had to do is just NOT pick up the phone right? Okay - but then there is that ONE call that could have been - Barns on fire, Dad had a heart attack - so you have to give him the first one.....but it could have been the second or third or - see? So in his mind? He's going to have to work this out with her - and that takes time......and well - she's a BULLY - and bullies aren't used to being told what to do - so right now - he has to find out WHAT it is that makes HER tick - and that takes time too - there IS something - he just has to find out what it is that HE has - that if he takes it away from her? SHE will be wanting it - and HE flips the tables and has the power and then they can work on sharing ---- That's not easy. Takes time - and in the mean time? he has a wife. Sooooooooo It's tricky. But You can't fight this one for him. You could - It' be quicker - for sure. But if you want to COMPLETELY emasculate him and ruin your marriage? Tell him what to do - then it'll be over and done. (my best guess). If not? Hang on - be patient let him work it out with her, gain his respect back - and find his place and put her in hers. Then I think you'll see a different man. (my best guess) Just hard to do when you have a force like her running everyones show and life - because she doesn't know how to run her own. (ahhhhhhh there's the rub) Hugs [/QUOTE]
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