From an observers point of view, I can see that when I let go of my daughter, the detachment I experienced and the changes that made in my life have been massive.............as we've discussed here often, it prompted much growth and healing and shifted my thinking in so many ways...........I disconnected from friends, changed my experience at work which opened the door for much more power and abundance, became a better communicator and now, a piece I almost didn't expect, changed some patterning with my granddaughter.
A car accident my granddaughter had brought a lot of "stuff" to the fore. She is fine, no injuries to anyone but the cars. First some old fear of mine about futility and a weird old defeatist attitude came up. Just for a moment but I saw it and SO and I talked about it. It was as if it were unearthed from the depths of me.........childhood stuff. It felt bad at first, but once I "told on myself" and it was in the light of day, it all passed and I felt much better, as if it was now released.
Then my granddaughter's cavalier attitude about the accident brought forth this resentment and anger from that same deep place within. Last night the 3 of us talked about my feelings. SO ended up sharing the same feelings. It was amazingly cathartic for us. We pulled back a lot of our resources from granddaughter, not in a mean way, but so that she can go forth on her own volition with certain things I realized were not necessary, but are in fact, privileges. Just because I can provide her with everything, does not mean that doing so is a healthy choice. We put a lot on her plate and took a lot off of mine. Until I did that I wasn't totally aware of the resentment I was carrying around. But, I told her all my feelings and although it felt weird, it also felt right. She is acting in many ways like a typical teen, however, her typical teen years are waning and adult choices are staring her in the face and I have to step aside and allow her to make mistakes and figure a lot out on her own. This is obviously not my strong suit!!!
I've learned a lot in the last two years and it has brought me to this point with my dear granddaughter, whom I love with all my heart. It is what is supposed to happen now.
In addition to my detaching from my granddaughter because of my own stuff, it also feels healthy and appropriate at this stage of her life.........she is about to turn 18 and in a few short months will be moving away to college. It seems like a natural progression as well as a healing and growth spurt for me...........and her too.
I told SO last night, "man, in terms of growth and change, we got a lot of mileage out of that car accident!"
Today I feel sad. I recognize that as an ending. Even if the ending is what you want, sometimes, it still feels sad. Something has ended and I am in that empty space in between.............uncertainty, the void space. I feel a tad shaken inside. I am realizing that she is pretty grown up and needs to have her own responsibilities and expectations on her plate and even though getting it off my plate is necessary and what I want, it feels strange to me. I do recall going through some of this with my sister and my daughter too..............letting them go into life..............what you raise them for and what is also scary at the same time..............
My granddaughter and I will now forge a new relationship. I have to say that after raising my daughter, the premier difficult child, my sister, the master difficult child and now my granddaughter the relative easy child (for the most part), I really am ready to let go of this mothering role. I am ready to fly on my own wings without the weight of another..................I've had that weight on me as long as I can remember and the possibility of that level of freedom is AWESOME and exciting............ and today, I am feeling that new possibility more then I ever have before. Holy moly. I'll keep you posted.............and if you can spare a good thought, send it on to my little granddaughter and to me...............we are both in the midst of more life changes.............
A car accident my granddaughter had brought a lot of "stuff" to the fore. She is fine, no injuries to anyone but the cars. First some old fear of mine about futility and a weird old defeatist attitude came up. Just for a moment but I saw it and SO and I talked about it. It was as if it were unearthed from the depths of me.........childhood stuff. It felt bad at first, but once I "told on myself" and it was in the light of day, it all passed and I felt much better, as if it was now released.
Then my granddaughter's cavalier attitude about the accident brought forth this resentment and anger from that same deep place within. Last night the 3 of us talked about my feelings. SO ended up sharing the same feelings. It was amazingly cathartic for us. We pulled back a lot of our resources from granddaughter, not in a mean way, but so that she can go forth on her own volition with certain things I realized were not necessary, but are in fact, privileges. Just because I can provide her with everything, does not mean that doing so is a healthy choice. We put a lot on her plate and took a lot off of mine. Until I did that I wasn't totally aware of the resentment I was carrying around. But, I told her all my feelings and although it felt weird, it also felt right. She is acting in many ways like a typical teen, however, her typical teen years are waning and adult choices are staring her in the face and I have to step aside and allow her to make mistakes and figure a lot out on her own. This is obviously not my strong suit!!!
I've learned a lot in the last two years and it has brought me to this point with my dear granddaughter, whom I love with all my heart. It is what is supposed to happen now.
In addition to my detaching from my granddaughter because of my own stuff, it also feels healthy and appropriate at this stage of her life.........she is about to turn 18 and in a few short months will be moving away to college. It seems like a natural progression as well as a healing and growth spurt for me...........and her too.
I told SO last night, "man, in terms of growth and change, we got a lot of mileage out of that car accident!"
Today I feel sad. I recognize that as an ending. Even if the ending is what you want, sometimes, it still feels sad. Something has ended and I am in that empty space in between.............uncertainty, the void space. I feel a tad shaken inside. I am realizing that she is pretty grown up and needs to have her own responsibilities and expectations on her plate and even though getting it off my plate is necessary and what I want, it feels strange to me. I do recall going through some of this with my sister and my daughter too..............letting them go into life..............what you raise them for and what is also scary at the same time..............
My granddaughter and I will now forge a new relationship. I have to say that after raising my daughter, the premier difficult child, my sister, the master difficult child and now my granddaughter the relative easy child (for the most part), I really am ready to let go of this mothering role. I am ready to fly on my own wings without the weight of another..................I've had that weight on me as long as I can remember and the possibility of that level of freedom is AWESOME and exciting............ and today, I am feeling that new possibility more then I ever have before. Holy moly. I'll keep you posted.............and if you can spare a good thought, send it on to my little granddaughter and to me...............we are both in the midst of more life changes.............