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Substance Abuse
Another day, another knot in my stomach
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 579432" data-attributes="member: 15801"><p>Oh Wakegirl, you put into words a lot of the things I have felt. It is so hard not knowing if they are safe....even though I thought was doing well I am sleeping so much better now that I know my son is off the street. It is so so hard to do tough love.... it is much tougher on us than on them.</p><p></p><p>So first of all be very aware that they become very good at manipulation, they know very well how to tug at their mothers heartstrings... and tug they will... with all of their being they will. If he was really hungry he would have come and gotten groceries off your porch.....it wasnt food he was after, it was money!! Definitely dont give him money, believe me my son has found all sorts of ways to use us for money....Yes buy him some groceries or at some point offer to take him out for a meal. I am sure he is finding places to stay and that may go on for a while... eventually his friends (and their families) will tire of him mooching off of him. He may literally end up with no place to go AND that will be the point where he will say he is ready for help and for treatment. It may be the only way he is willing to go for help and so wait until that moment. If you give in to his manipulation before then then you just prolong the time it will take for him to get help. He needs to learn his way of living is not working and wont work for him.... if you help him out in avoiding that reality then the longer he will continue to do it his way.</p><p></p><p>Your friends comments was right on.... you can love and enable them to death. We can never be sure they wont die on the path they are on, but we need to stay strong not to help them along that path that is self destructive.</p><p></p><p>I think your texting was good. Stay in touch with him. Stand your ground. And above all find support for yourself. The hardest part is finding ways to feel some peace and enjoy life while our kids are such a mess.... but have that as a goal. It makes a huge difference.</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 579432, member: 15801"] Oh Wakegirl, you put into words a lot of the things I have felt. It is so hard not knowing if they are safe....even though I thought was doing well I am sleeping so much better now that I know my son is off the street. It is so so hard to do tough love.... it is much tougher on us than on them. So first of all be very aware that they become very good at manipulation, they know very well how to tug at their mothers heartstrings... and tug they will... with all of their being they will. If he was really hungry he would have come and gotten groceries off your porch.....it wasnt food he was after, it was money!! Definitely dont give him money, believe me my son has found all sorts of ways to use us for money....Yes buy him some groceries or at some point offer to take him out for a meal. I am sure he is finding places to stay and that may go on for a while... eventually his friends (and their families) will tire of him mooching off of him. He may literally end up with no place to go AND that will be the point where he will say he is ready for help and for treatment. It may be the only way he is willing to go for help and so wait until that moment. If you give in to his manipulation before then then you just prolong the time it will take for him to get help. He needs to learn his way of living is not working and wont work for him.... if you help him out in avoiding that reality then the longer he will continue to do it his way. Your friends comments was right on.... you can love and enable them to death. We can never be sure they wont die on the path they are on, but we need to stay strong not to help them along that path that is self destructive. I think your texting was good. Stay in touch with him. Stand your ground. And above all find support for yourself. The hardest part is finding ways to feel some peace and enjoy life while our kids are such a mess.... but have that as a goal. It makes a huge difference. TL [/QUOTE]
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