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Another Newbie Here and question at the bottom of the LONG post
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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 427794" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>Interesting that the adoption theme has come out in the thread as when I read your original post I was struck by something in the way you were talking about your son that seemed to imply some attachment problems between you - and then I looked at your signature and saw that he was adopted... If it is not very indiscreet (obviously feel no pressure to answer if it is), did you adopt him because you thought you were unable to have children and then went on to have biological children? I know that this, strangely, often happens.</p><p>I have quite a few friends who adopted children at around the same time as I did, from the two creches for abandoned children in Marrakesh. I also used to go to one of these creches once or twice a day for three months to visit J (from when he was one week old to three months old when he came to live with us). Probably pretty similar to the set-up in Guatemala. The children were just left alone to cry most of the time and they were often fed by a bottle being propped up against them. And yet... how the child turns out does also seem to be something of a mystery. One friend adopted a boy and a girl together, when the boy was 9 months and the girl 10 months. She was a close friend and I saw the family often when we lived in Marrakesh so spent a lot of time with the children. The boy seemed "normal", outgoing, cheeky, affectionate whereas the girl seemed to have problems - barely spoke, very timid, quite sly and secretive. And then another friend who adopted a boy when he was THREE years old after having been found wandering around on the streets, apparently abandoned and having spent the night alone - well, that boy is just remarkably well adjusted to all appearances. Now seven and no particular behavioural or emotional problems. Of course you can never tell what is going to happen with adopted children later, at adolescence, and I have read and heard a fair bit about how deep and common emotional problems with adopted children are. But... the problem is one just doesn't know what is due to the adoption and what to other factors. Especially, as you say, when you just have no history to go on. You said something about facial features of children with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) - can you say what these are?</p><p>We often talk about attachment problems coming from the side of the child and much less so about them coming from the side of the parents. But I think that can be an issue. Sometimes bonding is not natural in the way it is with a biological child and I wonder if this becomes especially true if the child is "difficult"?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 427794, member: 11227"] Interesting that the adoption theme has come out in the thread as when I read your original post I was struck by something in the way you were talking about your son that seemed to imply some attachment problems between you - and then I looked at your signature and saw that he was adopted... If it is not very indiscreet (obviously feel no pressure to answer if it is), did you adopt him because you thought you were unable to have children and then went on to have biological children? I know that this, strangely, often happens. I have quite a few friends who adopted children at around the same time as I did, from the two creches for abandoned children in Marrakesh. I also used to go to one of these creches once or twice a day for three months to visit J (from when he was one week old to three months old when he came to live with us). Probably pretty similar to the set-up in Guatemala. The children were just left alone to cry most of the time and they were often fed by a bottle being propped up against them. And yet... how the child turns out does also seem to be something of a mystery. One friend adopted a boy and a girl together, when the boy was 9 months and the girl 10 months. She was a close friend and I saw the family often when we lived in Marrakesh so spent a lot of time with the children. The boy seemed "normal", outgoing, cheeky, affectionate whereas the girl seemed to have problems - barely spoke, very timid, quite sly and secretive. And then another friend who adopted a boy when he was THREE years old after having been found wandering around on the streets, apparently abandoned and having spent the night alone - well, that boy is just remarkably well adjusted to all appearances. Now seven and no particular behavioural or emotional problems. Of course you can never tell what is going to happen with adopted children later, at adolescence, and I have read and heard a fair bit about how deep and common emotional problems with adopted children are. But... the problem is one just doesn't know what is due to the adoption and what to other factors. Especially, as you say, when you just have no history to go on. You said something about facial features of children with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) - can you say what these are? We often talk about attachment problems coming from the side of the child and much less so about them coming from the side of the parents. But I think that can be an issue. Sometimes bonding is not natural in the way it is with a biological child and I wonder if this becomes especially true if the child is "difficult"? [/QUOTE]
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