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Substance Abuse
Another non update (of course rambling and long)...confession at the end
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<blockquote data-quote="Calamity Jane" data-source="post: 544091" data-attributes="member: 13882"><p>Hi Signorina,</p><p>difficult child is squandering his life and his God-given gifts right now, and if I'm inferring things correctly, he's being enthusiastically enabled by girlfriend and her family. There's nothing, sadly, that you or husband can do about it. The upside is, he's not asking you for money, so he appears to be self supporting, going to work every day, so that's surely a positive.</p><p>My guess is he's blowing you off because there's an elephant in the room, you all know it, but what can anyone do? If you bring up genuine contentions, neither of you will want to interact. So the perfunctory, once in a while get togethers will have to suffice if you and husband want to leave the door open to a future, mature and meaningful relationship. difficult child is not willing to do that yet, because he's "accepted" for what he is by girlfriend and family. Many, many families turn the other cheek when it comes to their adult kids getting drunk, using substances, underachieving, etc. You're not like that, but girlfriend's family must be. As long as he's got that lifeline, he won't have to really examine his behavior or his conscience.</p><p>husband just wants you to be happy, and he wants to fix things. It's what men do. So even though he didn't tell you he texted difficult child, you know it's because he wanted difficult child's call to look spontaneous and unforced. husband meant well, but I know of the strain on a marriage when a difficult child is involved. husband took a vow to love, honor and cherish YOU, and in his mind, he's honoring that vow.</p><p>Lastly, I think your anonymous tip was grand, FWIW. You're great parents. The Joe Isuzu thing is to save face - he's suppressing his guilt and shame and his lies are being exposed (college registration) and he knows he's fooling himself. He's probably not sure how to extricate himself from the mess he's in without his pride being hurt, so he lives in a house of cards for the time being. It won't last forever, so despite it being so frustrating to have such a superficial relationship with difficult child, it's probably best to grit your teeth for now. It hurts, I know, and it's infuriating, (kids are supposed to honor their parents) but the only other option is to cut him off entirely, and I'm sure you don't want that. Things svck sometimes, but you have a loving husband and 2 PCs to enjoy your time with - that's a blessing in itself.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Calamity Jane, post: 544091, member: 13882"] Hi Signorina, difficult child is squandering his life and his God-given gifts right now, and if I'm inferring things correctly, he's being enthusiastically enabled by girlfriend and her family. There's nothing, sadly, that you or husband can do about it. The upside is, he's not asking you for money, so he appears to be self supporting, going to work every day, so that's surely a positive. My guess is he's blowing you off because there's an elephant in the room, you all know it, but what can anyone do? If you bring up genuine contentions, neither of you will want to interact. So the perfunctory, once in a while get togethers will have to suffice if you and husband want to leave the door open to a future, mature and meaningful relationship. difficult child is not willing to do that yet, because he's "accepted" for what he is by girlfriend and family. Many, many families turn the other cheek when it comes to their adult kids getting drunk, using substances, underachieving, etc. You're not like that, but girlfriend's family must be. As long as he's got that lifeline, he won't have to really examine his behavior or his conscience. husband just wants you to be happy, and he wants to fix things. It's what men do. So even though he didn't tell you he texted difficult child, you know it's because he wanted difficult child's call to look spontaneous and unforced. husband meant well, but I know of the strain on a marriage when a difficult child is involved. husband took a vow to love, honor and cherish YOU, and in his mind, he's honoring that vow. Lastly, I think your anonymous tip was grand, FWIW. You're great parents. The Joe Isuzu thing is to save face - he's suppressing his guilt and shame and his lies are being exposed (college registration) and he knows he's fooling himself. He's probably not sure how to extricate himself from the mess he's in without his pride being hurt, so he lives in a house of cards for the time being. It won't last forever, so despite it being so frustrating to have such a superficial relationship with difficult child, it's probably best to grit your teeth for now. It hurts, I know, and it's infuriating, (kids are supposed to honor their parents) but the only other option is to cut him off entirely, and I'm sure you don't want that. Things svck sometimes, but you have a loving husband and 2 PCs to enjoy your time with - that's a blessing in itself. [/QUOTE]
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Another non update (of course rambling and long)...confession at the end
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