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Another rough day...
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<blockquote data-quote="CrazyinVA" data-source="post: 649645" data-attributes="member: 1157"><p>Yes unfortunately that need to fix does become a sort of addiction. That's why it's called "co-dependency." The book "Codependent No More" helped me understand that very well. That and an excellent therapist who knocked me in the head until I got it. "You're working harder than she is" was the phrase that really turned on the lightbulb for me. Why would I (or should I) put more work into fixing my kid's problems than she would? What was her incentive if I did that? Zilch.</p><p></p><p>It's hard to say "no," to refuse to help, when your child is hurting and hungry. It goes against every parenting instinct you have. So many of us have been there. This was even more difficult for me with my kids because they each suffer from chronic physical illnesses, and don't take very good care of themselves - especially Oldest. But like others, I learned that it was when I began to say "no" and MEAN it, and she KNEW I meant it, that she got better. She found a way. She didn't starve. It didn't happen until I changed. And even then, it took time. But it DID change. </p><p></p><p>I think you did good, Lil. Baby steps.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="CrazyinVA, post: 649645, member: 1157"] Yes unfortunately that need to fix does become a sort of addiction. That's why it's called "co-dependency." The book "Codependent No More" helped me understand that very well. That and an excellent therapist who knocked me in the head until I got it. "You're working harder than she is" was the phrase that really turned on the lightbulb for me. Why would I (or should I) put more work into fixing my kid's problems than she would? What was her incentive if I did that? Zilch. It's hard to say "no," to refuse to help, when your child is hurting and hungry. It goes against every parenting instinct you have. So many of us have been there. This was even more difficult for me with my kids because they each suffer from chronic physical illnesses, and don't take very good care of themselves - especially Oldest. But like others, I learned that it was when I began to say "no" and MEAN it, and she KNEW I meant it, that she got better. She found a way. She didn't starve. It didn't happen until I changed. And even then, it took time. But it DID change. I think you did good, Lil. Baby steps. [/QUOTE]
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