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Another rough day...
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<blockquote data-quote="Albatross" data-source="post: 649702" data-attributes="member: 17720"><p>MWM, you put this better than I did. I think you and I are on the same page when it comes to "helping." When I said that apparently NOT helping them doesn't make them care either, I meant that we often (or at least I often) tailor my helping or not helping based on how I think my son will react. As SS said, I expect something linear and logical from him in return. There is no such thing. Every time I step in, I have to remember I might be taking another bus to Crazytown.</p><p></p><p>And you are right, in some cases not stepping in does help them get it together, eventually. But sometimes it doesn't.</p><p></p><p>And sometimes maybe it will, around the next bend in the road or sometime long after we are no longer around to see it.</p><p></p><p>That's why I say we have to remove them from the equation. Because we don't know. All that's left is doing what's best for us.</p><p></p><p>We do this in little ways, like doing something special for ourselves when we are anxious about our children being in another bind. We do it in more global ways when we remove any buried expectations we might be harboring, of how they will/might react to what we say or do. We try to be the person we can live with being when we go to sleep at night.</p><p></p><p>In my case, I invest more of my love in people who love me back. Maybe that's selfish, but it beats banging my head against a tree indefinitely.</p><p></p><p>And Lil, I forgot to say (and I'm sorry for that; I'm still a "little" angry about my Difficult Child's latest) that I think you and Jabber are doing a terrific job as a couple with being pulled in so many directions by impossible demands. I think the way you both are so open and honest with what you need is such a wonderful quality.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Albatross, post: 649702, member: 17720"] MWM, you put this better than I did. I think you and I are on the same page when it comes to "helping." When I said that apparently NOT helping them doesn't make them care either, I meant that we often (or at least I often) tailor my helping or not helping based on how I think my son will react. As SS said, I expect something linear and logical from him in return. There is no such thing. Every time I step in, I have to remember I might be taking another bus to Crazytown. And you are right, in some cases not stepping in does help them get it together, eventually. But sometimes it doesn't. And sometimes maybe it will, around the next bend in the road or sometime long after we are no longer around to see it. That's why I say we have to remove them from the equation. Because we don't know. All that's left is doing what's best for us. We do this in little ways, like doing something special for ourselves when we are anxious about our children being in another bind. We do it in more global ways when we remove any buried expectations we might be harboring, of how they will/might react to what we say or do. We try to be the person we can live with being when we go to sleep at night. In my case, I invest more of my love in people who love me back. Maybe that's selfish, but it beats banging my head against a tree indefinitely. And Lil, I forgot to say (and I'm sorry for that; I'm still a "little" angry about my Difficult Child's latest) that I think you and Jabber are doing a terrific job as a couple with being pulled in so many directions by impossible demands. I think the way you both are so open and honest with what you need is such a wonderful quality. [/QUOTE]
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