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Ant is back home.....uhg
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 459551" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>He is twenty. NOt a green 18yo. He is a MAN. I had a child by 22 and know many who had them earlier. We all worked and paid bills even if we were in school. WHY is he working and living with you for free? Is that REALLY the way to encourage him to be a man?</p><p></p><p>Real men, regardless of age, pay their way and don't steal and respect their parents. </p><p></p><p>Next time you find a gas can empty, go and call the cops, make them fingerprint it, and Ant, and if he is the one who took it then you press charges. What is going to happen if you think there is plenty of gas but he has filled his tank and his buddies (because he is going to fill their tanks from it in exchange for pot or whatever he wants at that moment) and then winter will hit and you will be suddenly with-o any gas and up a creek in a serious way with-o paddle or canoe.</p><p></p><p>What does he have that HE really likes? an ipod? a phone? go and take it. Do to him the inconsiderate things he has done with your good pillows. Heck, use his best shirt to mop the floor - and say you didn't know it would bug him like he didn't know that using your good pillows and stealing your gas would bug you. I know it sounds childish, but SOMETIMES they need that tit for tat to grow up. It is part of why my dad could get Wiz to grow up and behave decently and we couldn't. My dad is an undx'd aspie and knows exactly what to do to upset wiz when Wiz is being a jerk. Gpa backs off when Wiz backs off, but Gpa can escalate to levels that terrify Wiz because Wiz knows that no matter how creative he is, my dad had fifty years of treachery and skill built up and will use it against him at whatever level Wiz picks.</p><p></p><p>There is no reason for him to live with you and not pay his way, or for him to steal from you. Period. Also, why should easy child have to put up with him? She is a easy child, and has done NOTHING to earn that type of punishment, has she? How is letting her see Ant slacking off, not paying rent, not going to school, not helping out, stealing from you, supposed to convince her to stay easy child? All a easy child gets is hard work to take care of herself. A difficult child gets fussed at but NO real consequences for STEALING, driving a vehicle while impaired (you have no depth perception if one eye is damaged and that makes driving very very dangerous for everyone around you as you drive). I would have taken his keys or taken parts out of his engine the next time he came in the house. WOuld NOT have EVER admitted it, but between the eye thing and stealing gas, his car would only run when I wanted it to. And yes, I DO know how to disable the engine in ways that most mechanics couldn't find. Only takes a pencil. and an eraser to fix. But very few mechanics could diagnosis it as it is something that I learned from an OLD mechanic.</p><p></p><p>Anyway, why should easy child stay on the straight and narrow when acting badly, treating people badly, gets so much more both in financial ways and privileges? Cause if you are not giving consequences for stealing the gas then you are giving it as a privilege. I can tell you that this has crossed easy child's mind more than once - she might not admit it, but it has occurred to her. I know because I was the easy child with the gfgbro. As a teen he stole or ruined almost ALL of the tools my mother got from her dad. My gpa had a hardware store and we value tools far more than jewelry or many other things. But I did what I was supposed to pretty much and ended up with a fat lot of nothing because gfgbro broke locks and took what he wanted after my folks finally locked up stuff because they realized he was just ruining them to ruin them or even pawning them. You need to really think about the message you are sending easy child by letting Ant walk all over you the way he is. He is NOT going to learn, but easy child is and you won't like the lessons she eventually will get.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 459551, member: 1233"] He is twenty. NOt a green 18yo. He is a MAN. I had a child by 22 and know many who had them earlier. We all worked and paid bills even if we were in school. WHY is he working and living with you for free? Is that REALLY the way to encourage him to be a man? Real men, regardless of age, pay their way and don't steal and respect their parents. Next time you find a gas can empty, go and call the cops, make them fingerprint it, and Ant, and if he is the one who took it then you press charges. What is going to happen if you think there is plenty of gas but he has filled his tank and his buddies (because he is going to fill their tanks from it in exchange for pot or whatever he wants at that moment) and then winter will hit and you will be suddenly with-o any gas and up a creek in a serious way with-o paddle or canoe. What does he have that HE really likes? an ipod? a phone? go and take it. Do to him the inconsiderate things he has done with your good pillows. Heck, use his best shirt to mop the floor - and say you didn't know it would bug him like he didn't know that using your good pillows and stealing your gas would bug you. I know it sounds childish, but SOMETIMES they need that tit for tat to grow up. It is part of why my dad could get Wiz to grow up and behave decently and we couldn't. My dad is an undx'd aspie and knows exactly what to do to upset wiz when Wiz is being a jerk. Gpa backs off when Wiz backs off, but Gpa can escalate to levels that terrify Wiz because Wiz knows that no matter how creative he is, my dad had fifty years of treachery and skill built up and will use it against him at whatever level Wiz picks. There is no reason for him to live with you and not pay his way, or for him to steal from you. Period. Also, why should easy child have to put up with him? She is a easy child, and has done NOTHING to earn that type of punishment, has she? How is letting her see Ant slacking off, not paying rent, not going to school, not helping out, stealing from you, supposed to convince her to stay easy child? All a easy child gets is hard work to take care of herself. A difficult child gets fussed at but NO real consequences for STEALING, driving a vehicle while impaired (you have no depth perception if one eye is damaged and that makes driving very very dangerous for everyone around you as you drive). I would have taken his keys or taken parts out of his engine the next time he came in the house. WOuld NOT have EVER admitted it, but between the eye thing and stealing gas, his car would only run when I wanted it to. And yes, I DO know how to disable the engine in ways that most mechanics couldn't find. Only takes a pencil. and an eraser to fix. But very few mechanics could diagnosis it as it is something that I learned from an OLD mechanic. Anyway, why should easy child stay on the straight and narrow when acting badly, treating people badly, gets so much more both in financial ways and privileges? Cause if you are not giving consequences for stealing the gas then you are giving it as a privilege. I can tell you that this has crossed easy child's mind more than once - she might not admit it, but it has occurred to her. I know because I was the easy child with the gfgbro. As a teen he stole or ruined almost ALL of the tools my mother got from her dad. My gpa had a hardware store and we value tools far more than jewelry or many other things. But I did what I was supposed to pretty much and ended up with a fat lot of nothing because gfgbro broke locks and took what he wanted after my folks finally locked up stuff because they realized he was just ruining them to ruin them or even pawning them. You need to really think about the message you are sending easy child by letting Ant walk all over you the way he is. He is NOT going to learn, but easy child is and you won't like the lessons she eventually will get. [/QUOTE]
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