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Antisocial Personality Disorder Diagnosis of my 18 year old son
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 432301"><p>Welcome asldogs....sorry you had to find us. I can totally relate to what you are going through. My son is 19.... he was diagnosed as ODD when he was 15 and has not had a psychiatric evaluation since... I just looked up Antisocial personality disorder and he certainly fits the criteria for that now. At this point I don't think with him a diagnosis matters much.. he is 19 and what happens in his life is up to him. We will give him love and support but absolutely need to have clear boundaries to protect ourselves and his sister from his shenanigans.</p><p></p><p>I do wonder if your son has a drug problem. I know mine does and that always made things much much worse. He has a much better chance at having a productive life if he is sober.....which currently he says he is.</p><p></p><p>Anyway back to how to get him to leave. When our son was 18 we were in a similar situation. He was breaking all the rules and they were minimal rules, things you would expect of anyone living in your home. We told him he had to obey the rules and we would give him 2 weeks or he would have to move out. He started to threaten me and said he would not leave and if we called the police he would run into the woods until they left and then he would come back. He had done this once before so thought he was all set. Oh gosh it was awful.</p><p></p><p>What I did was went up to my room and cried, and then got dressed and calmly left the house. I went to the police station and talked to one of the officers. I basically asked them just to arrive at an agreed upon time and then we would give our son a no tresspass order. In the state we live in that is enough to keep him out of the house. So that is what happened. They arrived at noon. My son had no idea they were coming and the shades were closed in the room he was in so he did not see them drive up. We let them in and they went in and talked to him. He did not have a chance to run. They told him we were no tresspassing him and he had to leave. They followed him up to his room to pack a couple of things, let him make a phone call. He started to get nasty to me and the cop stepped right in and told him to cut it out that was no way to talk to his mother. Then they drove him away and dropped him off in the center of town where a friend picked him up. </p><p></p><p>Was if awful for me. Yes. I was heartbroken we had to do this but we had to do it. I realized that he was not learning anything by living at home and breaking all the rules and getting away with it.... and unfortunately (or fortunately) for him he had to learn the hard way that this is not going to work in society. After several arrests he landed in jail. He discovered he really hated jail. We did help him at this point get a lawyer and he made a plea, which included pleaing to a felony, but did end up going to rehab out of state. He did get clean at that point and did some good work. He is now back in the area but not living with us. He did get a job and is trying to figure things out. I don't know what will happen but it is absolutely clear to me that for my daughters sake he cannot under any circumstances live with us. by the way both of my kids are also adopted, which I think creates some of its own issues for kids.... so whatever you are going through is not your fault... especially since it sounds like you adopted your son when he was older!!!</p><p></p><p>So my advice is to go to the police and talk to them about the situation and find out what your options are. This happens more than you think and this is not the first time the police have have had to deal with this kind of situation. My other piece of advice is that once you do make your son leave your home, try and keep communication with him open. I got this advice and it helped me a lot. So when our son left of course he was angry. I started sending him texts here and there with of course no response... but when he got in trouble he did call us. I wanted him to know i love him and am there for him BUT there are limits to what I will do. That is where we are now... we are in contact, I am willing to help in certain ways BUT not in other ways. I will not let him take advantage of us, abuse us, and he absolutely cannot live with us. I feel a lot more peace with him not living here. I don't want to go back to that ever again. I have found a parents alanon group which has been hugely helpful so you might look into that also. Hang in there, you are not alone.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 432301"] Welcome asldogs....sorry you had to find us. I can totally relate to what you are going through. My son is 19.... he was diagnosed as ODD when he was 15 and has not had a psychiatric evaluation since... I just looked up Antisocial personality disorder and he certainly fits the criteria for that now. At this point I don't think with him a diagnosis matters much.. he is 19 and what happens in his life is up to him. We will give him love and support but absolutely need to have clear boundaries to protect ourselves and his sister from his shenanigans. I do wonder if your son has a drug problem. I know mine does and that always made things much much worse. He has a much better chance at having a productive life if he is sober.....which currently he says he is. Anyway back to how to get him to leave. When our son was 18 we were in a similar situation. He was breaking all the rules and they were minimal rules, things you would expect of anyone living in your home. We told him he had to obey the rules and we would give him 2 weeks or he would have to move out. He started to threaten me and said he would not leave and if we called the police he would run into the woods until they left and then he would come back. He had done this once before so thought he was all set. Oh gosh it was awful. What I did was went up to my room and cried, and then got dressed and calmly left the house. I went to the police station and talked to one of the officers. I basically asked them just to arrive at an agreed upon time and then we would give our son a no tresspass order. In the state we live in that is enough to keep him out of the house. So that is what happened. They arrived at noon. My son had no idea they were coming and the shades were closed in the room he was in so he did not see them drive up. We let them in and they went in and talked to him. He did not have a chance to run. They told him we were no tresspassing him and he had to leave. They followed him up to his room to pack a couple of things, let him make a phone call. He started to get nasty to me and the cop stepped right in and told him to cut it out that was no way to talk to his mother. Then they drove him away and dropped him off in the center of town where a friend picked him up. Was if awful for me. Yes. I was heartbroken we had to do this but we had to do it. I realized that he was not learning anything by living at home and breaking all the rules and getting away with it.... and unfortunately (or fortunately) for him he had to learn the hard way that this is not going to work in society. After several arrests he landed in jail. He discovered he really hated jail. We did help him at this point get a lawyer and he made a plea, which included pleaing to a felony, but did end up going to rehab out of state. He did get clean at that point and did some good work. He is now back in the area but not living with us. He did get a job and is trying to figure things out. I don't know what will happen but it is absolutely clear to me that for my daughters sake he cannot under any circumstances live with us. by the way both of my kids are also adopted, which I think creates some of its own issues for kids.... so whatever you are going through is not your fault... especially since it sounds like you adopted your son when he was older!!! So my advice is to go to the police and talk to them about the situation and find out what your options are. This happens more than you think and this is not the first time the police have have had to deal with this kind of situation. My other piece of advice is that once you do make your son leave your home, try and keep communication with him open. I got this advice and it helped me a lot. So when our son left of course he was angry. I started sending him texts here and there with of course no response... but when he got in trouble he did call us. I wanted him to know i love him and am there for him BUT there are limits to what I will do. That is where we are now... we are in contact, I am willing to help in certain ways BUT not in other ways. I will not let him take advantage of us, abuse us, and he absolutely cannot live with us. I feel a lot more peace with him not living here. I don't want to go back to that ever again. I have found a parents alanon group which has been hugely helpful so you might look into that also. Hang in there, you are not alone. [/QUOTE]
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Antisocial Personality Disorder Diagnosis of my 18 year old son
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