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General Parenting
Any Other difficult children Ever Say This?
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 390882" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Wiz actually didn't even REMEMBER many of his rages. Not what he did, what he said, or what I did (I was usually the only person near him as he raged. My husband could NOT cope with them and took them very personally so usually it was just Wiz and I during a rage. Taking it personally is NOT helpful regardless of the cause of the rage, in my opinion. </p><p> </p><p>During a rage, even when he remembered them, he had zero control. It was a complete and total loss of control and of any ability to control himself. It was NOT a teachable moment, it was time to control a wild animal. I am not using wild animal as a metaphor. Wiz acted much like a wild animal when raging. Sometimes I had to restrain him, and it was difficult and dangerous, esp as he got older. More often I kept him in a contained area, kept him from hurting himself or others, and used a gentle, soothing voice and calming words to settle him down. Even at the age of 10 or 11 I would still recite the words to "Chicka Chicka Boom Boom" (the little kid book) in a chant or put on a tape of my father reading Uncle Wiggily stories (his voice is incredibly soothing - puts adults, even ones who don't know him, into a super relaxed state or to sleep, and calms kids incredibly well). These are things that otherwise we did for thank you, who is 8 years younger. During a rage they would soothe him and I had an easier time keeping him in one area and keeping him from hurting himself or me. </p><p> </p><p>I can remember, vividly, being a teen and taking large doses of steroids for a health problem. Now no teen girl would ever be rx'd that medication at that dose, but it was what the doctor rx'd for me. I had some HUGE rages, over stupid, idiotic stuff like running my last pair of hose and screaming at the top of my lungs at my mother that it was all her fault because if I would tan then I wouldn't need to wear pantyhose. I stomped from one end of the house to the other to find her to scream at her about this - she did NOTHING to provoke me. I knew, in part of my head, that I was being an idiot. I just had NO control. I didn't WANT to do or say that, I HATED that I did it. I cried and was so angry at myself afterward, because it was NOT true, NOT something mom did or had any control over (she doesn't tan nor does her living sister or any of her nieces, nor did her mother or aunts). I just couldn't stop it or prevent it. In that case, it clearly WAS the medications and maybe my hormones because they were NOT normal at that age (many many signs that they were all over the place).</p><p> </p><p>This is our experiences. I hope it helps you understand or figure out what your son was going through and how to help him. In our case one problem was that Wiz liked to rage. It gave him control and attention. I couldn't ignore him in a rage because he would hurt someone, usually Jessie, if I did. As he got older he managed to completely turn himself around, though I have NO idea exactly what got through to him. It was partly a friend who is a girl who he really respects and listens to, but never dated. She did NOT like difficult child behavior and she freely told him so. He wanted her friendship and respect and it helped him turn things around. He also ended up an "only child" in my parents' home. IT took certain pressures from my mother off of him, and we had been told years before that he would be best off if he was an only child. I was preg with thank you at the time, and told teh doctor that they better find another way to help him because I was NOT sending the other 2 back where they came from, LOL. Serious, but still lol, Know what I mean??</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 390882, member: 1233"] Wiz actually didn't even REMEMBER many of his rages. Not what he did, what he said, or what I did (I was usually the only person near him as he raged. My husband could NOT cope with them and took them very personally so usually it was just Wiz and I during a rage. Taking it personally is NOT helpful regardless of the cause of the rage, in my opinion. During a rage, even when he remembered them, he had zero control. It was a complete and total loss of control and of any ability to control himself. It was NOT a teachable moment, it was time to control a wild animal. I am not using wild animal as a metaphor. Wiz acted much like a wild animal when raging. Sometimes I had to restrain him, and it was difficult and dangerous, esp as he got older. More often I kept him in a contained area, kept him from hurting himself or others, and used a gentle, soothing voice and calming words to settle him down. Even at the age of 10 or 11 I would still recite the words to "Chicka Chicka Boom Boom" (the little kid book) in a chant or put on a tape of my father reading Uncle Wiggily stories (his voice is incredibly soothing - puts adults, even ones who don't know him, into a super relaxed state or to sleep, and calms kids incredibly well). These are things that otherwise we did for thank you, who is 8 years younger. During a rage they would soothe him and I had an easier time keeping him in one area and keeping him from hurting himself or me. I can remember, vividly, being a teen and taking large doses of steroids for a health problem. Now no teen girl would ever be rx'd that medication at that dose, but it was what the doctor rx'd for me. I had some HUGE rages, over stupid, idiotic stuff like running my last pair of hose and screaming at the top of my lungs at my mother that it was all her fault because if I would tan then I wouldn't need to wear pantyhose. I stomped from one end of the house to the other to find her to scream at her about this - she did NOTHING to provoke me. I knew, in part of my head, that I was being an idiot. I just had NO control. I didn't WANT to do or say that, I HATED that I did it. I cried and was so angry at myself afterward, because it was NOT true, NOT something mom did or had any control over (she doesn't tan nor does her living sister or any of her nieces, nor did her mother or aunts). I just couldn't stop it or prevent it. In that case, it clearly WAS the medications and maybe my hormones because they were NOT normal at that age (many many signs that they were all over the place). This is our experiences. I hope it helps you understand or figure out what your son was going through and how to help him. In our case one problem was that Wiz liked to rage. It gave him control and attention. I couldn't ignore him in a rage because he would hurt someone, usually Jessie, if I did. As he got older he managed to completely turn himself around, though I have NO idea exactly what got through to him. It was partly a friend who is a girl who he really respects and listens to, but never dated. She did NOT like difficult child behavior and she freely told him so. He wanted her friendship and respect and it helped him turn things around. He also ended up an "only child" in my parents' home. IT took certain pressures from my mother off of him, and we had been told years before that he would be best off if he was an only child. I was preg with thank you at the time, and told teh doctor that they better find another way to help him because I was NOT sending the other 2 back where they came from, LOL. Serious, but still lol, Know what I mean?? [/QUOTE]
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