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<blockquote data-quote="TerryJ2" data-source="post: 94471" data-attributes="member: 3419"><p>Hi Alison, </p><p>Did you clone my difficult child? LOL.</p><p>This is his behavior exactly. </p><p>He is not on any medications except Adderal.</p><p>difficult child has curbed it lately, but it has taken a huge effort on our part. It CAN be done. Regardless of his medications, you will still need behavior modification.</p><p>This is where John Rosemond's advice comes in handy. (And our child psychiatric as well.)</p><p>First, I went on Effexor. It calmed me down so I wouldn't jump down his throat when he did that. (Rosemond never advises medications but he does advise being calm and consistent. Hey, whatever it takes!)</p><p>You cannot ever lose your temper at a time like this. difficult child will balk and walk. And you want him to stay in the car and calm down. So you set limits.</p><p>You also need a sense of humor.</p><p>Sometimes I imitate difficult child and make car noises and just sit in the seat with-o starting the car. (I have to chuckle at the thought of it.) Of course, that infuriates him, but my point is that I am not going to do what he says because I am in charge, not he.</p><p>I have sometimes turned off the car and walked back into the house. When he comes storming back in demanding to know why, in a very calm voice I tell him that I will leave on my own schedule and he is not in charge, and the more he aggravates me the more I will decide to stay home.</p><p>In the beginning he will have a meltdown.</p><p>He will kick and break things.</p><p>But after a wk or two or month ... he will learn that you mean biz. It is slow but he will learn. That's where my antidepressants have given me the patience of a saint.</p><p></p><p>I would suggest scheduling "fake" errands. But everyone has to be in on it with-you... husband, easy child, friends, whomever. If difficult child behaves, you can really go where ever ... a movie, grocery store, etc. If he growls and turns into Damien in The Omen, you stay home. I mean, literally turn the car around if you have to. </p><p>Everyone goes home.</p><p>Once difficult child gets the picture, he will back off.</p><p></p><p>This is good training for both ADHD/ODD and bipolar ... they have to learn to control their own fuses, too. Better they should learn it this way--in private with-family--than on a crowded airplane 20,000 ft. up.</p><p></p><p>Good luck! I know EXACTLY how you feel and it is SOOOOO aggravating! But do not give in. The more you give in, the more control you give him.</p><p></p><p>by the way, my difficult child came close to doing that sort of thing tonight because I gave him permission to sleep at a friend's house. (They have no school tomorrow ... teacher's conf. + local elections, so bldg is occupied.) I made difficult child eat MY dinner because he came up with-a ^&#$ story about eating at his friend's. I had already talked to the mom and knew she was not feeding him. I made him do his regular chores. He was not pleasant but I turned off my ears and eyes and continued to eat... by myself at that point. He finally started to get the drift, and said, "Can we go when you finish eating?"</p><p>"Yes. That will be in an hr."</p><p>He didn't like that. But he did his chores, packed his bag, got his toothbrush, etc.</p><p>He bugged me again and I told him if he bugged yet again, there would be no overnight. He shut up.</p><p>(The key is that you have to go through some awful time when you really do cancel the overnight, and experience a total meltdown. Hopefully, it will only happen once.)</p><p>Then he insisted I go in the car, but I had a phonecall to make. He said HE was going in the car. Fine. I made the phonecall. </p><p>We left on my schedule.</p><p>He thanked me when we got there. :smile:</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TerryJ2, post: 94471, member: 3419"] Hi Alison, Did you clone my difficult child? LOL. This is his behavior exactly. He is not on any medications except Adderal. difficult child has curbed it lately, but it has taken a huge effort on our part. It CAN be done. Regardless of his medications, you will still need behavior modification. This is where John Rosemond's advice comes in handy. (And our child psychiatric as well.) First, I went on Effexor. It calmed me down so I wouldn't jump down his throat when he did that. (Rosemond never advises medications but he does advise being calm and consistent. Hey, whatever it takes!) You cannot ever lose your temper at a time like this. difficult child will balk and walk. And you want him to stay in the car and calm down. So you set limits. You also need a sense of humor. Sometimes I imitate difficult child and make car noises and just sit in the seat with-o starting the car. (I have to chuckle at the thought of it.) Of course, that infuriates him, but my point is that I am not going to do what he says because I am in charge, not he. I have sometimes turned off the car and walked back into the house. When he comes storming back in demanding to know why, in a very calm voice I tell him that I will leave on my own schedule and he is not in charge, and the more he aggravates me the more I will decide to stay home. In the beginning he will have a meltdown. He will kick and break things. But after a wk or two or month ... he will learn that you mean biz. It is slow but he will learn. That's where my antidepressants have given me the patience of a saint. I would suggest scheduling "fake" errands. But everyone has to be in on it with-you... husband, easy child, friends, whomever. If difficult child behaves, you can really go where ever ... a movie, grocery store, etc. If he growls and turns into Damien in The Omen, you stay home. I mean, literally turn the car around if you have to. Everyone goes home. Once difficult child gets the picture, he will back off. This is good training for both ADHD/ODD and bipolar ... they have to learn to control their own fuses, too. Better they should learn it this way--in private with-family--than on a crowded airplane 20,000 ft. up. Good luck! I know EXACTLY how you feel and it is SOOOOO aggravating! But do not give in. The more you give in, the more control you give him. by the way, my difficult child came close to doing that sort of thing tonight because I gave him permission to sleep at a friend's house. (They have no school tomorrow ... teacher's conf. + local elections, so bldg is occupied.) I made difficult child eat MY dinner because he came up with-a ^&#$ story about eating at his friend's. I had already talked to the mom and knew she was not feeding him. I made him do his regular chores. He was not pleasant but I turned off my ears and eyes and continued to eat... by myself at that point. He finally started to get the drift, and said, "Can we go when you finish eating?" "Yes. That will be in an hr." He didn't like that. But he did his chores, packed his bag, got his toothbrush, etc. He bugged me again and I told him if he bugged yet again, there would be no overnight. He shut up. (The key is that you have to go through some awful time when you really do cancel the overnight, and experience a total meltdown. Hopefully, it will only happen once.) Then he insisted I go in the car, but I had a phonecall to make. He said HE was going in the car. Fine. I made the phonecall. We left on my schedule. He thanked me when we got there. [img]:smile:[/img] [/QUOTE]
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