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Any Warrior Moms Reading Right Now? Need Some Quick Help...
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<blockquote data-quote="slsh" data-source="post: 420227" data-attributes="member: 8"><p>Glad you enjoyed thank you's goal - it must've worked 'cuz I'm still here. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p><p></p><p>Seriously though I've been thinking about this whole behavior chart crud and am on a slow burn over it (again). We started a behavior chart at 3, with a heavy reward system. It became rapidly apparently that rewards actually provoked negative behavior in thank you, consistently. School/daycare did reward chart with the same stellar results. By the time he was 6, thank you was breaking out windows in our home and putting holes in our walls. At 7, during a Ritalin-induced rage, he took scissors and cut my phone line when I was trying to call 911. Daily hitting/kicking/biting/spitting had become the norm, as well as destruction of property. All sharps/medications/poisons were locked up by age 8, and there was nothing fragile left in our home because he'd broke them all. Because the situation wasn't improving (and because of 3 moves between the age of 5 and 7), we had contact with a lot of new professionals, and every stinking one of them would start with the behavior chart. AGAIN! </p><p></p><p>I wonder why that seems to be the default solution. Is that the best the psychological community has to offer us? Are parents held in such low esteem in that community that it's assumed we're total idiots and therefore incapable of implementing a behavior chart/reward system without them holding our hand? Is it laziness? Or done just to have the appearance of "doing" something? It is ennui or incompetence? It's all fine and good to reward good behavior (negative response to it notwithstanding), but I feel like the psychiatric community is *completely* missing the point that for some of our kids, anything remotely resembling "good" behavior is rare and in the meantime, family members and school staff are having the crud beat out of them or are subjected to some very scary threats - and you have to assume follow thru in a kid with zero impulse control. To say nothing of how utterly insane it is to "reward" a kid for not punching Mom when directed to brush his teeth (real goal). I mean, when you end up with goals like that, you've seriously crossed over into the Twilight Zone.</p><p></p><p>It seems to me that any rational person would take a look at DF's goals and say "whoa, we're way past a behavior chart." The kid is 15, has got cause/effect down, obviously couldn't give a rat's behind about cause/effect much less the impact her choices are having on herself to say nothing of the people around her, and yet there DF is, expected to put stars on a behavior chart (figuratively hopefully, but literally wouldn't surprise me). It's like a bandaid for a brain hemorrhage.</p><p></p><p>It's frustrating because people's physical safety as well as emotional health are being put in serious jeopardy, with the full knowledge and apparent complicity of the professionals who are supposed to be able to help us.</p><p></p><p>Sorry - I know this reads like a slam against the entire psychiatric community. It's not meant to be - only the one-trick ponies. There have been some really good professionals out there who were on the ball and understood what we were dealing with, who paid attention from the get-go and got the paradox that was my kid. </p><p></p><p>I'm wondering if somehow we, the parents, aren't saying the magic words to get the behavior-charters off their backsides and take notice of dangerous situations. Obviously, "we've already done that" isn't working. Has anyone ever gotten a professional to skip behavior chart #4,352,413 and move on to the next step in behavior mod/mgmt? What did you say?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="slsh, post: 420227, member: 8"] Glad you enjoyed thank you's goal - it must've worked 'cuz I'm still here. :winking: Seriously though I've been thinking about this whole behavior chart crud and am on a slow burn over it (again). We started a behavior chart at 3, with a heavy reward system. It became rapidly apparently that rewards actually provoked negative behavior in thank you, consistently. School/daycare did reward chart with the same stellar results. By the time he was 6, thank you was breaking out windows in our home and putting holes in our walls. At 7, during a Ritalin-induced rage, he took scissors and cut my phone line when I was trying to call 911. Daily hitting/kicking/biting/spitting had become the norm, as well as destruction of property. All sharps/medications/poisons were locked up by age 8, and there was nothing fragile left in our home because he'd broke them all. Because the situation wasn't improving (and because of 3 moves between the age of 5 and 7), we had contact with a lot of new professionals, and every stinking one of them would start with the behavior chart. AGAIN! I wonder why that seems to be the default solution. Is that the best the psychological community has to offer us? Are parents held in such low esteem in that community that it's assumed we're total idiots and therefore incapable of implementing a behavior chart/reward system without them holding our hand? Is it laziness? Or done just to have the appearance of "doing" something? It is ennui or incompetence? It's all fine and good to reward good behavior (negative response to it notwithstanding), but I feel like the psychiatric community is *completely* missing the point that for some of our kids, anything remotely resembling "good" behavior is rare and in the meantime, family members and school staff are having the crud beat out of them or are subjected to some very scary threats - and you have to assume follow thru in a kid with zero impulse control. To say nothing of how utterly insane it is to "reward" a kid for not punching Mom when directed to brush his teeth (real goal). I mean, when you end up with goals like that, you've seriously crossed over into the Twilight Zone. It seems to me that any rational person would take a look at DF's goals and say "whoa, we're way past a behavior chart." The kid is 15, has got cause/effect down, obviously couldn't give a rat's behind about cause/effect much less the impact her choices are having on herself to say nothing of the people around her, and yet there DF is, expected to put stars on a behavior chart (figuratively hopefully, but literally wouldn't surprise me). It's like a bandaid for a brain hemorrhage. It's frustrating because people's physical safety as well as emotional health are being put in serious jeopardy, with the full knowledge and apparent complicity of the professionals who are supposed to be able to help us. Sorry - I know this reads like a slam against the entire psychiatric community. It's not meant to be - only the one-trick ponies. There have been some really good professionals out there who were on the ball and understood what we were dealing with, who paid attention from the get-go and got the paradox that was my kid. I'm wondering if somehow we, the parents, aren't saying the magic words to get the behavior-charters off their backsides and take notice of dangerous situations. Obviously, "we've already done that" isn't working. Has anyone ever gotten a professional to skip behavior chart #4,352,413 and move on to the next step in behavior mod/mgmt? What did you say? [/QUOTE]
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