I was a bit concerned for your sister's health also. However, I've also had hair falling out from stress. ANY stress, whether serious emotional stress or physical stress, will trigger more hair loss. If I get a fever, a week or so later I have more hair falling out. It regrows but it a pest. I cut my long hair short so it wouldn't look so sparse, waiting to grow it out again - only it keeps falling out and so my hair is now shoulder-length.
Some advice for your sister that will do no harm - find a vitamin supplement containing biotin, or Vitamin B6. An endocrinologist did this for me and I was amazed at how well it worked. I've since heard this form other people with similar problems - biotin does help protect the hair follicle from the impact of stress. You should be able to find a supplement that is inexpensive. However, I would emphasise the need to get her health checked out because there are a number of easily treated conditions which should be assessed. In my case, the endocrinologist had already assessed me for these hormonal problems and ruled them out.
As for your mother - we are told to respect our parents and to love them. Sometimes they don't make it easy. My parents are both dead, years ago. So is my father in law. My mother in law is all we have left in terms of grandparent to our children. She's not easy, she can be difficult sometimes. However, I've found I got on best when I 'made friends' with her and I go out of my way to spend time with her, to help her in various ways. I don't do more than I can handle personally, so if I'm finding myself getting irritated too easily I will either change the subject, or cut down my contact with her. If she raises a topic that is like a red rag to a bull for me, I do my best to just not engage. For example, our recent election in Australia (December 07). The election was down to two possible candidates - one much older, the incumbent, very unpopular for (among other things) his incredibly stubborn refusal to change or to embrace new ideas but still a very sound economist; the other younger, associated with a more socialist political party, untried but seeming to have the answers and very popular. mother in law was blindly pro the older bloke, husband & I were dead against the older bloke but cautious towards the younger bloke. However, I knew we had to avoid talking politics at all, whatsoever. Not easy when there's an election bearing down on the entire country and a lot of people want to use the opportunity to have change, ANY change.
Over time and mother in law insisting on raising political topics, I learned to express my caution about the younger bloke and what began to happen was that over time, mother in law felt safe enough to express any concerns she had about HER preferred candidate. So we ended up meeting in the middle.
OK, in the end I know her and my votes would have cancelled out because she would have voted out of habit, but the important thing as far as our relationship is concerned, is we ran the gauntlet of the election campaign with our differing political opinions and still managed to avoid arguments.
ON the subject of your mother, maybe if you can consider any comments of hers as akin to someone expressing an opposing political opinion; someone like your boss, say, who you don't agree with but don't want to antagonise. Maybe you like your boss in other ways but resent him talking politics at work. But you just grit your teeth and don't react, because chances are if you express your opposing opinion he will then tease you about it for months afterwards.
It is still possible to maintain a relationship with someone who has different opinions, even very strong ones. You just have to agree to disagree. And if they won't, then you just have to disengage when certain topics come up.
With Facebook, you do have options. shut her off if you need to, if she insists on making claims which are potentially damaging or untrue. But also recognise that she may be speaking out of fear for her grandson. Even unfounded fears can still be overwhelming, if you cannot allow yourself to be persuaded otherwise.
We went through this with mother in law also. I know if father in law were still alive he would have been dreadfully upset to think that ANY of his grandchildren were in the care of a psychiatrist. There were times we had to keep my treatment secret, or the kids' treatments. I hated having to lie to them, even by omission, but I wasn't going to compromise treatment just to make them feel secure. Don't get me wrong, he was a lovely man, but had his prejudices. Maybe for good reason, in the past. mother in law has since sounded off loudly about how dangerous psychiatrists are, often at a time when I can't walk away (I'm driving through the bush taking her to a doctor's appointment). So I use the opportuity for HER to not be able to escape either, and explain to her that THIS psychiatrist is different, they're using Cognitive Behaviour Therapy and I then explain how it works. mother in law now likes CBT because it's good common sense. "OK, this person sounds good. Just watch out for some of the sharks out there, most of them are shonky."
So I answer, "Thanks for the warning. I'll bear it in mind."
You can go a long way with the phrase, "Thanks for telling me, I'll bear it in mind."
She feels heard. I know where I stand and have the strength to stick with what I know is right. And when the subject comes up again, I'll have prepared an answer for her to satisfy her again. Because she will harp on it. Over and over. She's insecure and feeling more so the more frail she gets and the more she sees her own fears of mortality and frailty coming true. She constantly needs to be reassured that not only are we OK now, but we'll be OK after she's gone. Only we must never talk about the likelihood of her being gone, "Don't mention the war" (on getting old and frail). And we wonder where the autism and perseverative behaviour comes from in the family?
But I'll never tell her that!
Marg