anyone use these techniques

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by lordhelpme, Feb 5, 2007.

  1. lordhelpme

    lordhelpme New Member

    principle gave me this info.

    includes 'special time' where you spend 15 minutes just 'commenting' on childs play not directing or criticizing play.

    'compliance training' where you give simple instructions and use praise when they do it right.

    'contingency contracting' you use a chart of wanted behaviors and reinforcers.

    so have any of you tried any of these and how did they work. according to this paper they have a high success rate when done properly.
  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Um... I guess it goes to show I haven't done it properly and I'm not a teacher... mostly I get, "Mom, quit bugging me!"

    My dad was a past master at that sort of thing... very subtle. None of that 15 min. artificial time limit stuff. He'd walk into the room, unannounced, randomly, where we were watching TV, coloring, playing with-friends, whatever, make some comment and leave.
    It left us with-the impression that he was always watching... but not completely annoying.
    (by the way, most of his TV comments were political, LOL!

    I try to do that. I suspect I won't know how successful it is until my kids are grown.
  3. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    It was tried on difficult child 3 when he was 2 and non-verbal. The speech pathology team had me doing the 'sit with him, talk to him in very simple terms about what he is doing," routine and difficult child 3, as soon as I would say, "Oh, you've picked up the cow," would put the cow down and pick up another animal instead, or stop playing with the toy farmyard altogether. He was VERY aware of the artificiality of the whole process.

    Praise - we use it a lot, but it's got to seem sincere to HIM or he rubbishes it.

    The charts - they only work when the desired behaviours are fully under difficult child 3's control. And with difficult child 3, if he has full control, he's doing the behaviours.

    If he can't do the behaviours, charts don't help, tfey only frustrate him.

    Basically it's like a lot of things - if you can make it work, and it's producing really good results, then do it. If not - drop it and find something that DOES work.

    Every kid is going to be different and some things "guaranteed to work" will fail, with some kids. And other things, supposedly not a good idea, may be the way to go.

    There's no rhyme or reason sometimes.

  4. OTE

    OTE Active Member

    Depends on the illness. This kind of behav mod works well for my Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kid and most of the time for my ADHD kid. My BiPolar (BP) kid, no way, no how.

    In terms of speech, as Marguarite said, it's minute by minute work. But yes, mine went from no receptive or expressive language at 22 mo to very verbal now. However, my son still has apraxia and no amt of work is going to change that.

    There's lots and lots of info on this site. Also, tons of books in the library on helping your child's speech. But absolutely you need to do this at home all day, every day.

    One other note, in my experience it is very, very common for kids with speech problems to become frustrated with lack of communication and ack out. So would I probably. So if your behavior issues are solely related to speech then the behavior will resolve over time with improved communication. Also, mine pretty much read before he could talk. So if yours has the alphabet and is reading, while it's not good to use a crutch instead of learning, if it reduces the frustration, use a chalkboard or magnetic letters for communication. PECS is always an option as well.
  5. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    This was recomended to us by psychiatrist, but was hard to do in a way that difficult child would accept. He does better if we go do something one on one, and I thank him for his behavior, or comment on how much fun we are having.
  6. Allan-Matlem

    Allan-Matlem Active Member


    Here is a quote by an ADHD doctor Kenny Handelman from his blog on the importance of one on one time. The question is what do you do next , do you try to generalize the ' working with dynamic ' of one on one time , promote various cognitive skills by problem solving or try to manipulate behavior with rewards , punishments and praise.

    You want to improve your child’s behavior, but you don’t even know where to start.

    You can start by finding something that you can all enjoy (that is non-threatening), so you can just enjoy some time together. Not only can this be fun, but you begin to create some common ground. Not only will it improve your relationship and provide some enjoyment together, but it will make it easier to communicate with one another. This will lead to improvements in behavior and it may even make it easier to enforce rules and rewards

    Agreed the most important tool in parenting is the good relationship , the real influence we have over kids , especially in the teenage years , where our ‘ power’ over them is limited, and punishments and rewards give way to reaching understandings.
    However my conclusion and yours differs completely

    ‘ Not only will it improve your relationship and provide some enjoyment together, but it will make it easier to communicate with one another. This will lead to improvements in behavior

    ‘and it may even make it easier to enforce rules and rewards when you are working on more complicated parenting approaches.’

    Why go backwards , why change the dynamic to a win-lose one , why rely on a ‘ doing to ‘ , manipulative approach to parenting , rewards and punishments , when the one on one time has promoted good communication skills , other cognitive skills, problem solving skills, the ability to reach mutually satisfying solutions. Why not make that one to one communication style part of the interaction and not for the couple of hours a week. The greatest gift a parent can give to a kid , is the relationship , and a relationship means dialog , being understood , having a voice. So many cognitive skills , executive functions, language processing skills , conitive flexibilty, social skills, emotional regulation skills are taught on the jo by parents if they have a working wioth relationship. Then there is the question of the long term effectiveness of rewards and punishments, they don’t generalize, and rewards have a negative effect on intrinsic motivation. See Alfie Kohn’s Punished by rewards - Unconditional Parenting and of Ross Greene’s The explosive Child. Russel Barkley tries very hard to justify the token economy system , ADHD kids lack intrinsic motivation. By upping the extrinsic motivation , the kid will be deprived of enjoying their intrinsic reward and developing intrinsic motivation.
    The success of a program depends on this first step, then why not go forward ?
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I'm thinking that it really depends on the root cause of the child's behavior. This type of program tends to work very well with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)/autism spectrum kids. They really like the charts and rewards. Negatives work poorly for kids with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). But if a child has an unstable mood disorder (not stabilized on medication yet), it will be hard for the child to comply even if he wants to, with his brain chemistry a mess and his moods not within his control. Trust me, as a child I was one of those mood unregulated kids and I tried--I probably tried harder than "normal" kids--but I lost it anyways and it wasn't pretty when I did, and all the stuff my parents tried just flew out the window; I was not in control. I know I was not in control of my rages and, once in a rage, not in control of what damage I did during them. Thank God for medications! Late speech is a huge red flag for autistic spectrum disorder, which is best diagnosed by a neuropsychologist, who will run extensive tests. Mood problems and ADHD do not include speech delays. I don't buy and never will buy that your young child has Conduct Disorder. To me, that's an irresponsible diagnosis for one so young. Of course, I'm no doctor, but not one professional I lugged my poor son to :smile: believe in CD for such a young child and with all the wrong labels he had, at least CD wasn't one of them!!! :smile: Hugs and do keep trying anything and see if it works. I'd definitely see a neuropsychologist though. They usually have long waiting lists, but are worth it.