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Parent Emeritus
Apparently difficult child is now back on his medications
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 576049" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>Even thinking of stopping the chase has to be so hard. He is so very young yet. But you are right that it does give him power that does not do anything good for him.</p><p></p><p>When mine left home, I insisted regular contact. Every Sunday he had to speak with me half n hour in certain time. If the time was inconvenient for him some Sunday, he could contact me and ask for more convenient time. But no skipping. And if I called him, he had to answer or call back during the same day. Other than Sundays I usually only called if I had a reason. But we could enforce those rules because we had some leverage. And in fact in this case the leverage was as simple as embarrassing him. If he wasn't answering the phone, I would send a text to his coach and ask if he was still alive. And coach would tell him, in front of his peers, to call mommy. Once he tried to ignore that and had to call while the coach was watching and listening. difficult child got a drift quite quickly. Early on many of those calls weren't too pleasant to either of us, but it was a contact.</p><p></p><p>But if you don't have a leverage to force him to follow the rules regarding this, it is difficult. Of course you can draw boundaries from your side, but without leverage that isn't that efficient.</p><p></p><p>If you decide to stop the chase and let him contact you, you may still want to consider some method of keeping a connection to him without chasing him. Maybe sending him a text every Monday morning a text with: "Have a nice week, love you."</p><p></p><p>He is still so darn young, so giving him too tough love just seems too, well, tough.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 576049, member: 14557"] Even thinking of stopping the chase has to be so hard. He is so very young yet. But you are right that it does give him power that does not do anything good for him. When mine left home, I insisted regular contact. Every Sunday he had to speak with me half n hour in certain time. If the time was inconvenient for him some Sunday, he could contact me and ask for more convenient time. But no skipping. And if I called him, he had to answer or call back during the same day. Other than Sundays I usually only called if I had a reason. But we could enforce those rules because we had some leverage. And in fact in this case the leverage was as simple as embarrassing him. If he wasn't answering the phone, I would send a text to his coach and ask if he was still alive. And coach would tell him, in front of his peers, to call mommy. Once he tried to ignore that and had to call while the coach was watching and listening. difficult child got a drift quite quickly. Early on many of those calls weren't too pleasant to either of us, but it was a contact. But if you don't have a leverage to force him to follow the rules regarding this, it is difficult. Of course you can draw boundaries from your side, but without leverage that isn't that efficient. If you decide to stop the chase and let him contact you, you may still want to consider some method of keeping a connection to him without chasing him. Maybe sending him a text every Monday morning a text with: "Have a nice week, love you." He is still so darn young, so giving him too tough love just seems too, well, tough. [/QUOTE]
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Apparently difficult child is now back on his medications
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