Are we having fun yet?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by house of cards, Jun 12, 2009.

  1. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    Yesterday morning the school called to tell us Major was threatening suicide. They had also called the crisis team out. They said he told them he had a bad morning at home and was adamant about wanting to die. This took place at around 10 AM.

    The story I heard and believe to be true is Major has been being teased on the bus, nothing that bad, a strange nickname, but it offends HIM. He then was at art and a child was saying mean things to him because he was talking. He told the teacher but she just told him to “ignore it“. 1) ignoring isn’t my difficult child’s strong point 2) The child was wishing my kid dead and saying he would throw a party!

    My son yells at the kid and gets in trouble. At which point he is frustrated beyond belief, feels totally unprotected and says that he wants to die. They said he had a plan, he was going to get a knife…how?, he said he would buy one. He has no money and no access to a store and this was his “plan”

    So I meet with the crisis psy evaluator and she says I can take him home, we both agree it is something he said while under stress and in the moment and that with his dxes…it will happen. She gives me some useful information for when and if I don’t feel I can keep him safe and a name of a counselor that I’ve heard of 3 times now and I just get the feeling that is where we are being lead to by the powers that be. So, I feel a little hopeful.

    Then I go in to get Major back in school, a requirement from the school. Because of my social anxiety, I’m shaking like a leaf and I keep trying to tell myself to breathe right, I hate this weakness in me, I know other‘s can see and hear it in my voice. I tell the principal about the teasing/bullying. He says the classic “first I’m hearing about it”. I try to tell him that the teachers that view my son as a behavior problem are wrong. That he needs to be understood and helped, not punished. I used an example about his Sci teacher saying that Major can’t keep a notebook but she isn’t going to do it for him, that he won’t learn to keep a notebook then. I tell him that they know he has organization and memory problems and he may never be able to keep a notebook, I ask do we punish blind kids for not learning to read? I watch his eyes glaze over. He doesn‘t get it. I’m so glad Major is done with this school now even though a lot of the teachers did understand him…you only need 1 hardliner to hurt my kid.

    Major will not show sadness or fear, it all comes out as anger. Some teachers won’t look beyond the anger to see the scared, miserable kid. They come at the anger with their own anger, heck, I know this and sometimes I lose it and add my own anger to whatever situation we are in. Poor kid.

    Next year Major is in small class sp ed except for specials. They had better understand my kid or I will be home schooling. Oh, the evaluator did say we are doing a great job…it felt so good to hear something positive I could have cried.

    All this going on and we still managed to get the hamster to school for show and tell, LOL.
  2. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    Poor kid. I hope next year's classroom setting is much easier for him.
  3. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    Me too, thanks
  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    poor kid. It always is astonishing that our difficult children are ignored if they say they are being bullied. But if they complain about or report being bullied they are told to "ignore it" or some other callous brush off is given.

    And then when a difficult child acts on the bullying to make it stop then the difficult child is the one who gets in trouble.

    I sure hope the new school is MUCH better about this. I hope that next year is just wonderful and amazing.

    Give Major a hug for me, and maybe a special treat. After all, he didn't attack the teacher!
  5. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    I did give him a doughnut after the evaluation. and I told him how proud I was that he didn't hit the kid. He said he wanted to but he didn't and I think that showed great self control. School is out in 5 days.
  6. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    Just curious if you've tried Value Options at all....I had a really good experience with them and have the name of an awesome psychologist, if you want her name. She does have a private practice. I'm curious whose name it was you were me if you don't mind.
  7. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    I did Value options for a while with mixed results. First we had a behavior mod person who lied about her credentials, then we had a great person that was at least not harmful but she thought our time was up and we were doing ok. I told the PESS worker that I didn't have any patience for the tdocs that only understand ADHD. She understood that and assured me that the guy she told me about "gets it". We will see.
  8. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Just wanted to send hugs. I know how horribly stressful this all is. I still have school anxiety, and Matt isn't even in school. :sick: Like you said, it is what lead me to homeschool-ing him. However, I believe that in retrospect - that was not a good decision. It is all so hard.:mad:

    Hugs and here is to a better new school year!!!
  9. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    Thank you all. We all are still reeling emotionally, yet I'm off to a wedding for my nephew and I plan to use this time to decompose as much as I am able. Translation, I plan on drinking and having a good time.

    I'm very glad I got Major back in school, in part so the kids don't talk about him...that wouldn't help. I am also glad that it is the weekend and he can relax. He is doing ok by the way. His suicidal thoughts were intense but short lived. The kids that tease him the most aren't in sp ed... so next year they shouldn't have a lot of contact, yay.

    Steely, I do get you on the homeschooling thing, Major loves the social aspect of school and that is a strength of his, I'd hate to see him lose that. But if I can't get the school to support him and if they are damaging him, I won't let that happen.
  10. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member