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at complete wits end
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 502657" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I also think that you don't have a clue what is going on in his head and abuse/neglect those first months may be the cause. I agree totally that he needs a totally new evaluation with complete neuropsychologist testing, Occupational Therapist (OT), and Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) evaluations for every possible problem under the sun. </p><p></p><p>You HAVE to be exhausted. I know you love him dearly. He wouldn't be with you, homeschooled, if you didn't. I do agree iwth what the others have said but I have to say something the rest may not agree with.</p><p></p><p>It may be time to discuss Residential Treatment Center (RTC) or other out of the home placement. If he is KNOCKING YOU UNCONSCIOUS he is already causing serious harm to someone. If he has tried to strangle your 1yo, he has done a LOT more than you know of. It iwll take until he is out of the home and the other kids TRUST that he will NOT come back for them to tell you the rest of what he has done to them.</p><p></p><p>If he were an only child it would be one thing. You and husband are adults and can choose to keep him at home if you are the ones he is hurting. But that is NOT a responsible choice to make for your other kids. As it is, what does he do after you are knocked out? He is clearly in a rage at that point or you wouldn't be restraining him. What does he do when you are not there watching him every second? You are only human. You are not capable of monitoring him 24/7 to make sure he cannot hurt anyone. He is just going to get bigger and stronger and soon even more damage is going to be done.</p><p></p><p>When he knocks you out he is causing some damage to your brain. That is SERIOUS. WHat if he does that to one of your kids? Their brains are still developing and it could create a real tragedy. He could have killed your 1yo. I KNOW how scary that is. My son was 12 when I caught him doing that to my daughter in the middle of the night. She was sound asleep when he started and did NOT provoke it either. It was such a hard thing to handle. We had to bring in CPS because otherwise we couldn't get the help my daughter needed to cope with the abuse. </p><p></p><p>CPS needs to be involved, seeing that you are doing everything you can to help and that you need them to help. Out of home placement, either in a hospital, Residential Treatment Center (RTC) or foster home or group home may be what he needs. He needs HELP and so do the rest of you. If nothing else, get cameras put up to PROVE that you are doing ALL you can to protect the other kids and catch his behaviors on video so that you can use them to prove that it isn't safe to keep him at home.</p><p></p><p>This doesn't mean you don't love him. It means you love ALL the kids enough to keep them safe. He needs intensive help and at some point he may be able to come home and live with you safely. That would be ideal. But no matter what, the other kids need you and husband to protect them. Physical safety MUST be first. You may actually have to call 911 over and over to have him transported to the ER for evaluation and to send him to a psychiatric hospital for a short stay. But if you do that each time he is violent, you WILL eventually get enough evidence to get him into an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) other other therapeutic placement. Some parents have had to do this. </p><p></p><p>You also NEED a safety plan. A written plan that says who does what and goes where when CC is raging or hurting someone. This wll help when CPS is involved, and at some point they will be. Don't be afraid of them. They may threaten to take your other kids, but it is usually an empty threat as long as you are protecting the other kids from CC.</p><p></p><p>I admire all you are doing to help him, but this seems, at least for now, to be way beyond what can safely be handled in a home. Safety MUST be the priority - until he is in a setting where he is safe and so is everyone else, there won't ever be any healing. I do know how hard it is. I had to make my oldest live elsewhere starting when he was 14 because he couldn't make safe choices. It was best for him, and for my other kids. It also tore my heart out, stomped it into the ground and chopped it up into little pieces. But I would do it again because otherwise one of us would be in the ground and the other would be in prison. That wouldn't help anyone.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 502657, member: 1233"] I also think that you don't have a clue what is going on in his head and abuse/neglect those first months may be the cause. I agree totally that he needs a totally new evaluation with complete neuropsychologist testing, Occupational Therapist (OT), and Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) evaluations for every possible problem under the sun. You HAVE to be exhausted. I know you love him dearly. He wouldn't be with you, homeschooled, if you didn't. I do agree iwth what the others have said but I have to say something the rest may not agree with. It may be time to discuss Residential Treatment Center (RTC) or other out of the home placement. If he is KNOCKING YOU UNCONSCIOUS he is already causing serious harm to someone. If he has tried to strangle your 1yo, he has done a LOT more than you know of. It iwll take until he is out of the home and the other kids TRUST that he will NOT come back for them to tell you the rest of what he has done to them. If he were an only child it would be one thing. You and husband are adults and can choose to keep him at home if you are the ones he is hurting. But that is NOT a responsible choice to make for your other kids. As it is, what does he do after you are knocked out? He is clearly in a rage at that point or you wouldn't be restraining him. What does he do when you are not there watching him every second? You are only human. You are not capable of monitoring him 24/7 to make sure he cannot hurt anyone. He is just going to get bigger and stronger and soon even more damage is going to be done. When he knocks you out he is causing some damage to your brain. That is SERIOUS. WHat if he does that to one of your kids? Their brains are still developing and it could create a real tragedy. He could have killed your 1yo. I KNOW how scary that is. My son was 12 when I caught him doing that to my daughter in the middle of the night. She was sound asleep when he started and did NOT provoke it either. It was such a hard thing to handle. We had to bring in CPS because otherwise we couldn't get the help my daughter needed to cope with the abuse. CPS needs to be involved, seeing that you are doing everything you can to help and that you need them to help. Out of home placement, either in a hospital, Residential Treatment Center (RTC) or foster home or group home may be what he needs. He needs HELP and so do the rest of you. If nothing else, get cameras put up to PROVE that you are doing ALL you can to protect the other kids and catch his behaviors on video so that you can use them to prove that it isn't safe to keep him at home. This doesn't mean you don't love him. It means you love ALL the kids enough to keep them safe. He needs intensive help and at some point he may be able to come home and live with you safely. That would be ideal. But no matter what, the other kids need you and husband to protect them. Physical safety MUST be first. You may actually have to call 911 over and over to have him transported to the ER for evaluation and to send him to a psychiatric hospital for a short stay. But if you do that each time he is violent, you WILL eventually get enough evidence to get him into an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) other other therapeutic placement. Some parents have had to do this. You also NEED a safety plan. A written plan that says who does what and goes where when CC is raging or hurting someone. This wll help when CPS is involved, and at some point they will be. Don't be afraid of them. They may threaten to take your other kids, but it is usually an empty threat as long as you are protecting the other kids from CC. I admire all you are doing to help him, but this seems, at least for now, to be way beyond what can safely be handled in a home. Safety MUST be the priority - until he is in a setting where he is safe and so is everyone else, there won't ever be any healing. I do know how hard it is. I had to make my oldest live elsewhere starting when he was 14 because he couldn't make safe choices. It was best for him, and for my other kids. It also tore my heart out, stomped it into the ground and chopped it up into little pieces. But I would do it again because otherwise one of us would be in the ground and the other would be in prison. That wouldn't help anyone. [/QUOTE]
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