At my wits end any little help would be appreciated!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by khj, Aug 30, 2011.

  1. khj

    khj New Member

    Hi there I have a 9 yr. old son who was dxd with ODD and ADHD when he was 3yrs old I didn't put him on medication till he hit the first grade. Then we started behaviour therapy also. This past year he was finally diagnosed with sensory issues and some type of learning disability in the language area. The dr.s also dxd him with anxiety and depression. He gave up on school and was just pushed through to the fourth grade.
    He was caught stealing in school last year some kids Pokemon cards,stealing food to an extreme like an entire package of oreos, then came the $5 from myself, then a couple of weeks ago was the $60 from a family members house, toys from his friends houses are always being brought home. He lies and tells me that "they just gave him to him", I march him back over and make him give them back. I have tried the sticker charts, grounding in his room, no snacks, toys taken out of his room so all there is some books to read. I even tried to call the police to see if they would talk to him and they told me no they don't want him to be afraid of them at his age. I have done everything I am supposed to be doing therapy, medication, grounding, organized activities.
    I feel like I am failing as a parent and I have two little kids that see him when he throws his fits. Its taking a toll on my family and marriage. What scares me the most is that when I take a picture of all three of my kids is that there is no joy in his face.

    Me 29
    Stepfather 29
    K-9yrs, ADHD, Depression, Anxiety, SI- Metadate, Celexa
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi there and welcome to the board, although I'm sorry you have to be here.

    What kind of professional diagnosed him? Did he have any delays as a little one? Does he know how to relate to his same age peers?

    Are there any psychiatric problems on either side of his GENETIC family tree? Your ex may not be a part of his life, but your child has 50% of his DNA.

    Do you feel the medications are helping him? Do you like the professionals who are treating him? Has he ever had a neuropsychologist evaluation?
  3. Morningglory

    Morningglory New Member

    This one hits me too close to home. I have a son that does all of these things + . Now he is 12 and dealing with legal issues. I don't have any answers for you, but I do feel your stress every minute of every day. You are not alone.:notalone:
  4. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    1 + 1 = 2. been there done that.

    Behavior is the LAST item on the list. It is the result of everything else.
    If you focus on trying to solve the behavior, everyone loses. That doesn't mean you ignore the behavior. But you have to wrap your head around the rest of the picture.

    He started school with handicaps and disabilities that were not recognized, and therefore did not have anywhere close to the supports he needed. The result is:
    - school "failure" (they don't fail them but these kids know when they are not having success - and the other kids do too)
    - anxiety and depression - he cannot do what his peers do, cannot keep up with teacher expectations, etc.
    - behavior challenges - he is basically going insane. he can't handle the situation... and is lashing out in desperation.

    From experience...
    1) there will be MORE going on than you even know about right now. You are going to have to be pushing for all sorts of testing and not just the "normal screening" stuff. Motor skills issues? gross issues affect self-esteem and peer acceptance and contribute to the anxiety and depression. Fine skills issues have a direct impact on school success, as well as keeping up with peers (takes too long to change for PE, for example, or too long to get coat and boots on to go outside for recess). Hearing issues, language processing issues, trouble filtering background noise - these are HUGE, and while you might get screening on the first two, you'll have to really fight for the last one as it's only been recognized more recently.

    2) He probably needs significantly more accomodations and interventions than he is getting. Warrior Mom time!

    3) The anxiety and depression are the result of the past - but must be dealt with simultaneously with getting help for issues.

    4) Attachment issues can come out of the above combo - nobody has been able to do anything to make life better, so the kid decides its up to him to run his own life and take what he can get, because he hasn't got much to lose. Re-building a solid connection with this kid is absolutely vital.

    Once you get past those areas... behaviors usually self-correct.
    In the mean time - no, he can't profit from stealing (toys go back, money get paid back and he can't keep what he spent it on, etc.). And every time he does it, you have to get inside his brain and figure out why he stole that particular thing. Money, for example... to buy candy, either as a self-medicating thing (carbs affect mood) or to buy friendship from other kids. Understanding the reasons enables you to start meeting needs.

    Its a tough road. There is no magic wand. Its a process - and the sooner you can get the process running in high gear, the better off you all will be.
  5. khj

    khj New Member

    K was diagnosed by a psychiatrist for all of his emotional issues he is also getting help through our dr.'s office for his behavioral therapy. We have had the Nero pshych evaluation and he did great, in fact a lot of the things he scored off the charts with, the thing is its all one on one. He's on and IEP for the first time this year and thats only after I fought tooth and nail to get it. His bio father has dyslexia and ADHD also. We've tried other medications for it like the stimulants but he started with ticks so they took him off of it. K had a lot of medical issues growing up he had asthma, GERD and the worst was an immune def. which for the time being has subsided. I am wondering if Celexa is even working I think he needs something else.
  6. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Has he had a recent Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) evaluation? In particular, I'm thinking of auditory processing problems not related to language... auditory focus/filtering/discrimination - there's lots of terms for it. Its only been on the radar for a couple of years... but its a HUGE problem. Kids with this problem do GREAT in the 1-on-1 situations, because there is no background noise - but in a classroom, they are lost. Most SLPs don't even know about this one yet - you're going to have to fight for it... but if he has this, there are things that help - and without the help, school is hel*.

    *** but FIRST you have to screen for ADHD - it runs in families, and the specialist audiologist you need to end up with won't even see him if ADHD has not been ruled out, or if he is ADHD and not medicated - because inattention makes it impossible to test for auditory problems ***