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At wits end...
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 421676" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I'm tempted to suggest to your husband that you swap roles - you go out to work while he becomes the house parent. My sister did this when her husband was very critical of her housekeeping etc. It backfired on her - he was a marvellous house parent, kept the house exactly how he wanted it but also was a great dad. He calmed down a lot too, though, and realised that it was not as easy as he thought. They'd only intended to swap for a few months but he was so happy in the new role, and so was my sister, plus she earned more than him - they kept it that way. The effect on my brother-in-law's personality was interesting - he calmed down a lot, became more laid-back, was easier to get on with. Later on s the kids were older and in school, he got a job as school janitor and loved it. The kids loved him, too.</p><p></p><p>What you describe in your daughter is not the usual, it also does not sound like anyone with any understanding could consider it to be the result of bad parenting. If it were so simple, then why are so many other people working hard to help this girl? People in general are far too ready to blame the mother and you can be sure that if you were responsible, you would be getting blamed by others. Heck, even if you are not responsible, people are too ready to blame you. But experts who know what they're looking at, once they are sure it's not you, will be working to help. You can be sure they have already considered the idea that you are responsible - and rejected it. So if experts have already considered the idea and rejected it, then to what extent are your husband's qualifications greater in this area?</p><p></p><p>Sometimes the people closest are the ones most in denial. It is easier to believe you are nuts or incompetent, than to believe there is a serious problem. If he thinks his criticism of you can fix things, then it is an easy fix. But if he has to face the chance that something is really wrong - we'', he's the man of the house and can't fix it, a lot of men cannot handle that.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 421676, member: 1991"] I'm tempted to suggest to your husband that you swap roles - you go out to work while he becomes the house parent. My sister did this when her husband was very critical of her housekeeping etc. It backfired on her - he was a marvellous house parent, kept the house exactly how he wanted it but also was a great dad. He calmed down a lot too, though, and realised that it was not as easy as he thought. They'd only intended to swap for a few months but he was so happy in the new role, and so was my sister, plus she earned more than him - they kept it that way. The effect on my brother-in-law's personality was interesting - he calmed down a lot, became more laid-back, was easier to get on with. Later on s the kids were older and in school, he got a job as school janitor and loved it. The kids loved him, too. What you describe in your daughter is not the usual, it also does not sound like anyone with any understanding could consider it to be the result of bad parenting. If it were so simple, then why are so many other people working hard to help this girl? People in general are far too ready to blame the mother and you can be sure that if you were responsible, you would be getting blamed by others. Heck, even if you are not responsible, people are too ready to blame you. But experts who know what they're looking at, once they are sure it's not you, will be working to help. You can be sure they have already considered the idea that you are responsible - and rejected it. So if experts have already considered the idea and rejected it, then to what extent are your husband's qualifications greater in this area? Sometimes the people closest are the ones most in denial. It is easier to believe you are nuts or incompetent, than to believe there is a serious problem. If he thinks his criticism of you can fix things, then it is an easy fix. But if he has to face the chance that something is really wrong - we'', he's the man of the house and can't fix it, a lot of men cannot handle that. Marg [/QUOTE]
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