Hi all. I'm new to the forum, having found my way here in an effort to try to understand the heartbreaking situation I find myself in regarding my daughter, who will be 22 in October of this year. I raised her as a single mom, and don't understand why she is the way she is. , as she watched me work so hard and sacrifice to provide for she and myself. Her father and I divorced when she was 2, and I didn't remarry until last year. Her father is self-centered and inattentive to her, so he's no help. He flat refuses to let her stay with him, because of her behavior.
My daughter is sullen, rude, disrespectful, entitlement-minded and lazy. I can't talk to her because to try to do so only results in her telling me to "****-off". She calls her step-father and I horrible names. I do not work now, so we live on my husband's Railroad disability payment each month. Her step-father has allowed her to live with us 18 of the past 24 months, room and board free. He has paid for her food, car insurance, and even vet care for her cat. He also gave her over $1k to try to get her license and car in order so that she would have them to drive to a job. (she refuses to thank him for that). But...she can't seem to keep a job. She has a real problem with authority and ends up getting fired. She calls him a "monster" because he refuses to tolerate her behavior anymore.
We ask little of her. We ask that she keep her room clean, help around the house a little by taking turns cleaning the litter box, doing dishes now and then, cleaning the bathroom, etc. She considers these requests as us "using her for a slave", and refuses to do them. We told her no pot in the house, yet she smokes it late at night anyway. She stays up late and sleeps late. Each time I give her a job lead, she has every excuse in the book not to apply and gets verbally abusive if I push it. When I try to make her get up at a decent time, she tells me to "****-off" and calls me a "b****"
We finally gave her a 30-day notice to vacate last month. She only has 20 days before the vacate date, and is doing nothing to prepare for it. No job hunting. She heard about a program for "homeless" students where they help pay for somewhere for you to live and your needs as you go to school, and she seems to be expecting that this will take care of her needs when she leaves. She is supposed to go to the community college next week to enroll and check on this, but we'll see.
According to her, nothing is every her fault, and everything bad happens to her because of someone else's actions or "bad luck." She refuses to admit she is wrong, even when its in front of her nose. She is so confrontational, except when things are going her way - in which case she's funny and charming. She has been physically abusive to me a few times, but now that my husband is in my life, she seems to know better.
I am so scared about what is going to happen to her when she leaves. She has few friends and no one to stay with. I worry she is incapable of supporting herself. My heart is breaking and I am wracked with guilt over kicking her out, but I cannot deal with the stress and the pain of her behavior anymore. I imagine what it would feel like to have no friends and know that your mother doesn't want you in her house, and it makes me want to crawl into a corner and cry.
I tell myself that I deserve to be happy, and that I've worked so hard over the past 21 years to raise her the best I could, but I still feel so guilty for kicking her out.
My daughter is sullen, rude, disrespectful, entitlement-minded and lazy. I can't talk to her because to try to do so only results in her telling me to "****-off". She calls her step-father and I horrible names. I do not work now, so we live on my husband's Railroad disability payment each month. Her step-father has allowed her to live with us 18 of the past 24 months, room and board free. He has paid for her food, car insurance, and even vet care for her cat. He also gave her over $1k to try to get her license and car in order so that she would have them to drive to a job. (she refuses to thank him for that). But...she can't seem to keep a job. She has a real problem with authority and ends up getting fired. She calls him a "monster" because he refuses to tolerate her behavior anymore.
We ask little of her. We ask that she keep her room clean, help around the house a little by taking turns cleaning the litter box, doing dishes now and then, cleaning the bathroom, etc. She considers these requests as us "using her for a slave", and refuses to do them. We told her no pot in the house, yet she smokes it late at night anyway. She stays up late and sleeps late. Each time I give her a job lead, she has every excuse in the book not to apply and gets verbally abusive if I push it. When I try to make her get up at a decent time, she tells me to "****-off" and calls me a "b****"
We finally gave her a 30-day notice to vacate last month. She only has 20 days before the vacate date, and is doing nothing to prepare for it. No job hunting. She heard about a program for "homeless" students where they help pay for somewhere for you to live and your needs as you go to school, and she seems to be expecting that this will take care of her needs when she leaves. She is supposed to go to the community college next week to enroll and check on this, but we'll see.
According to her, nothing is every her fault, and everything bad happens to her because of someone else's actions or "bad luck." She refuses to admit she is wrong, even when its in front of her nose. She is so confrontational, except when things are going her way - in which case she's funny and charming. She has been physically abusive to me a few times, but now that my husband is in my life, she seems to know better.
I am so scared about what is going to happen to her when she leaves. She has few friends and no one to stay with. I worry she is incapable of supporting herself. My heart is breaking and I am wracked with guilt over kicking her out, but I cannot deal with the stress and the pain of her behavior anymore. I imagine what it would feel like to have no friends and know that your mother doesn't want you in her house, and it makes me want to crawl into a corner and cry.
I tell myself that I deserve to be happy, and that I've worked so hard over the past 21 years to raise her the best I could, but I still feel so guilty for kicking her out.